ello ello

[dilligaf]

The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police decide to go on a survivalweekend together to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises thetrainer tells them that their next objective is to go down into the woodsand catch a rabbit, returning with it ready to skin and cook. Night falls. First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawlinto the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by theunmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap".They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes. "Excellent!" remarks the trainer. Next up - the Paras. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves withcamouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming atthe top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound ofrifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdlingwar cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit. "A bit messy, but you achieved the aim, well done" says the trainer. Lastly, in go the Coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistlingDixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken bythe occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango FantaOne, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an eternity,they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs. "What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer,"Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hoursago!". So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, night drags on andturns to day. The next morning, the trainer and the other teams are awakenedby the police, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, oneeye nearly shut. "Are you taking the p*ss!!??" asks the now seriously irate trainer. The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks: "Alright, alright, I'm a f*ckin' rabbit!"