Deafness can be confusing.....

[craft1948]

Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring
at him looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private,
3 pound testicles, Turner Brown."
The little guy faints and falls to the floor..

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy
says: "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?
The big dude says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give
you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall,
I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3
pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says: "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said,
"Turn around."

[Androcles]

A man was telling his neighbour, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four grand, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

[craft1948]

look...stop it...I've had enough!!

[jackthehat]

A Mafia gang takes on a deaf man to run their deliveries, feeling it would be safer having someone unable to overhear conversations. However, one day when he is to deliver a large sum of money, he never shows up with it. The mobsters track him down, but don't find the money on him. As none of them are able to use sign language, they bring in an interpreter.

Mobster: "Where'd you hide the money?" (Interpreter signs the question.)

The bag man signs his reply. The interpreter says, "He says he had to ditch it in the river because the cops were onto him."

Mobster: "I'm not fooling around! You better tell me where that money is!" (Interpreter again signs.)

The bag man signs his reply, and the interpreter relays, "He swears he is telling the truth. He had to get rid of it."

The mobster pulls out a revolver and points it between the deaf man's eyes. "Tell me where that money is, or I'll kill you right now!"
(Interpreter signs his statement.)

The bag man, sweating profusely, signs, "It's inside a shoebox under a loose floorboard in my bedroom closet."

The interpreter says, "He says he doesn't know where it is and he doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger."

[craft1948]

exceedingly good jack........pmsl

[mrs_overall]

Q How do you sell a chicken to a deaf person?

A "DO YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN?"


Well, it seemed funny in the pub on Friday after several bacardis

[dizmouk2009]

Don't you mean someone that is hard of hearing? not someone who is deaf.

[craft1948]

eh?

[jackthehat]

A husband and wife went to the doctor. [The husband is hard of hearing]
The doctor says to the wife, "You've got to do 3 things to keep your husband well."
"1st you got to keep everything real clean and smooth. You got to iron everything."
"2nd you got to fix him fresh meals every day from scratch. No left overs, no fast or frozen foods."
"3rd you got to give him more lovin."
They get home and the husband asks, "Well what did the doctor say?"
The wife looks at him and responds, "You're going to die."

[craft1948]

sounds reasonable to me jack.......

[dizmouk2009]

I'm not understanding the joke:

"Q How do you sell a chicken to a deaf person?
A "DO YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN?" "

* I was supposed to say "Do you not mean..."

[craft1948]

I give up.........................

[lilsecret]

Hey No-Know - when you copied that you added 100 before you pasted it

[craft1948]

look you lot..we're in Jokes not CB.....my post will get pulled.

[smudge]

It's past midnight & I'm sitting here crying out 'quietly' with laughter at these jokes! They're brilliant!

[dizmouk2009]

Isn't that in itself a joke? I can't see it being a problem us occasionally writing without requiring to joke. This thread in itself contains far more jokes than most thread, I think we call all live with a few 'non jokish' lines.