Puns

[Octavius]

I have one:

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Any better ones out there?

[jno]

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter:
----> Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese soup:
----> Won ton

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement:
----> 1 bananosecond

Weight an evangelist carries with God:
----> 1 billigram

Half of a large intestine:
----> 1 semicolon

1000 aches:
----> 1 kilohurtz

The basic unit of laryngitis:
 ----> 1 hoarsepower

1 million microphones:
----> 1 megaphone

2000 mockingbirds:
----> two kilomockingbirds

52 cards:
----> 1 decacards

3 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital:
----> 1 I.V. League

[THECORBYLOON]

1,000,000,000,000 Microphones = 1 Megaphone
1,000,000 bicycles = 2 megacycles

1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
0.000001 fish = 1 microfiche

1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 picolos = 1 gigolo
10 millipedes = 1 centipede 

 
2 monograms =1 diagram
2 wharves = 1 paradox

[ann_h]

Small bearded gent on the tube train = Metrognome

Chocolate wrapper = aerofoil

[THECORBYLOON]

Widespread Italian fog BIGAMIST

[ann_h]

1 cwt old bones = skeleton

[kempie]

Isn't a skeleton = 20 cwt?

[ann_h]

And one for the linguists - my brother's declension of canis, ending: canibus, canibus, cannibal. (The digestive case)

[jno]

ah, CORBYLOON, how some men find a wife is a mystery, and how some men find two wives is a bigger mystery.

[ann_h]

Yes, Kempie - brain wanted to go to bed!

[Octavius]

And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did !

[jno]

Octavius, that last one was certainly worth the three stars you awarded yourself.

[SteveD]

Then there's the old classic:

 

A beautiful young woman walked into a pub and asked the barman for a Double Entendre, so he gave her one.

[elgroucho]

Q. If there are ten cows in a field, then which is an arab?

A. coo-eight.

[brionon]

If Britney spears and Brooke shields, who Drew Barrymore ?