man and wife go to a fancy dress party
the man asks the wife what are you going as she says i dunno i cant think of anything so the man says to her pull your pis ss flaps ova ur hed and go as a sugar puff
a man goes into a pub and orders several shots of vodka.
after hes drunk them hes really ******,
as last orders are coming in he gets a couple more sfter them hes smashed out of his face
the barmaid tells him to go
so he gets up and falls flat on his face
he thinks to himself 'i dont want the barmaid seeing me so i will crawl outside and get up out there' so he goes outside gets up and falls flat on his face,
he thinks to himself 'i only live 2 blocks away so every blok i get to ill trry get up at'
so he gets to the first block gets up and falls flat on his face
he gets to the second block gets up and falls flat on his face
eventuallly he gets home, crawls into bed and falls asleep
the next morning his wife says to him 'u were drunk last night wernt u?'h says 'how did u no' she says' u left your wheelchair at the pub'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Husband and wife get invited to a party, and the theme is Christmas, and everyone has to bring something relating to christmas, wife takes some fairy lights, and gives them to the host, followed by her husband who hands the host a pair of knickers, puzzled............the host says 'Hey its a christmas theme - so why the knckers' Husband says 'Oh theyre Carols'
Paddy & Murphy need a drink. They pool their money but only have 50p. Paddy goes into a butchers and buys a sausage. They visit a near by pub where,before entering, Paddy puts the sausage down his pants. They order two pints and quickly down them. When the barmaid asks for payment. Paddy unzips his fly and Murphy kneels down and starts sucking the sausage. Your'e disgusting screams the barmaid and orders them out. Paddy & Murphy make their way to the next pub for a repeat performance. After the seventh pub, and being a little bit worse for wear, Murphy says I can't do this anymore, my knees are killing me. Your knees ! says Paddy what about me - I lost the sausage after the second pub.
A bloke goes to the doctor and says "I keep feeling like a moth"
The doctor says "you need to see a psychiatrist"
The bloke says "I know I was on my way to see him, but I noticed your light was on".
An alligator tamer is doing his act when he comes to the finale. Having subdued the gator, he announces to the crowd that he will place his penis into the beasts jaws.
The crowd gasp as he places his tadger on its lower teeth then gently lets the animals jaws shut. After a few minutes, he clouts the beast on the head with a club and its jaws pop open, his member intact.
He says to the crowd "Anyone else fancy having a go"?
Paddy stands up and says "Ok, but promise you won't hit me on the head as hard as you did the gator"!
Still makes me laugh after al these years.................