What is the most stupid thing you have heard a friend or colleague say?

[Mortartube]

A friend of mine once said "Why don't they print the ingredients on bags of ice cubes"? Any more?

[someonesgirl]

a friend when out one night, saw that someone had brought out one of those disposable cameras from the supermarket in the cellophane wrap as it was on the pub table and said "who brought the underwater camera?" .....ive never let him live it down......

[lilminxlou]

a blone relative of mine asked her boyfriend, "you know when you lose signal on your mobile, how come the sat nav still has signal?"

[Hellyon]

I always think 'It's always in the last place you look' is really stupid - of course it is, once you've found it you stop looking!

[daffy654]

My niece once said "she sounded blonde" after talking on the phone to a girl she'd never met before.

[squarebear]

A lad I used to work with went on holiday with his mates to Spain and said, "Is this the same Sun we get in England because it's a lot hotter?".

[marand93]

My mate's son put a ball through my garage window. As I was about to reprimand him, he piped up and said,"Oh, no! It's broken on both sides".

[PAMPERS]

As a young boy I had a friend who was adamant that Opal Fruit (Starburst) where made with pork. When challenged that this was ridiculous he would reply singing the Opal Fruits advert which he had interpreted as " Opal Fruits made with bacon and water" instead of what his clearer thinking friends knew was in fact "Opal Fruits made to make your mouth water".

[VillageVicar]

I often take individuals, VIP�s or certain groups on trips to various parts of the world. For all intents and purposes, it�s baby-sitting, pure and clear. But some of the things I�ve been asked over the years have made me speechless. I�ve put those in my diaries over the years and continue to do so. Some are innocent, some�well..suggest that the individual hasn�t a clue where they are or what they�re doing!

On board the QM2. Bill, what time is the midnight buffet?
A: �8PM, always, Mrs McGillicutty!�

Are those the steps up to the restaurant?
A: No I�m sorry, those are the steps down. There are no steps going up.

Has this ship ever sunk?
A: Only twice Mrs Wilson, but they�ve now replaced the plug.

At the Plaza Hotel when a client asked me to change a twenty dollar bill for the doorman.
A: At The Plaza, that IS change!

As we were landing at the Sydney Airport: Bill, I hope you�ve arranged for everyone�s rooms to have views of Ayers Rock.

For a group of Americans who were on their first trip to England. We�ve made a list: Stonehenge, Glasgow, Bristol, Leeds, and Hastings � would you please make a star on the �subway� map to show us where to get off?

I could go on�seemingly forever!

Fr Bill

[daffy654]

Pampers,that just made me laugh out loud....i'm now hearing it in my head. :-)

[dolly pond]

the guy who runs the off licence said to me on a very rainy day "its not stopped since it started" and i answered "no, it hasnt! der brain dolly

[4GS]

When I was on guard at Edinburgh Castle I lost count of the times I was asked
What time does the one o clock gun go off?

[saxy_jag]

We once took our sons, aged around thirteen and fifteen at the time into a band session at a local pub (don't ask). There was football on the pub telly, in which quite a few people were interested, including my youngest, who asked the current score.

"Two all," my friend told him.

The eldest, not at all interested in football but trying his best to look sophisticated and knowledgable then asked, "Who to?"

Even now, when a score draw is announced for a match, there's always someone in the family who asks, "Who to?"

[dolly pond]

saxy, u r horrid, the poor boy!! poor child, scarred for life

[Aprilis]

A long time ago my Aunt and I were having a conversation about our shoes along the lines of how much we had paid for them, how long they have lasted and whether they were value for money etc. with me taking the stance that you get what you pay for and I thought it was worth paying a bit more to get better shoes.

My Mum turned round to us all aloof and said 'Well I only paid x pounds for the ones I've got on and I've had them ever since the day I bought them.' Duuuuuuuuh!!!

[China Doll]

My mum once asked my baby sister how many (baked) beans she wanted.

She looked most annoyed when baby sister replied 'oh not many, one or two.'

[Aprilis]

My Sister, on seeing a funeral cortege pass by, looked at the flowers on the hearse including a wreath saying 'MUM' and another saying 'NAN', said to her husband 'Oh isn't it so sad that they both died at the same time.'

[Wickets]

A local saying when offering someone a sweet or biscuit from a plate -- "Have two if you want one"


My mother had a boom, which she said she'd had for about twelve years, and was still going strong. "I've only
had three new handles and four new brushes. They don't make them like that anymore"

[howlie]

Overheard an American lady at Edinburgh castle saying how thoughful it was to build it so near to the train station!!

[taichiperson]

I love the American ones - a variation being
"What a pity they built Windsor Castle so close to the airport" and the tourist who asked if there was a lift to the whispering Gallery in St Paul's Cathedral. In that vein, I was tempted to loudly ask why there was only one staircase to the top of Durham Cathedral, just to give someone a laugh!

[THECORBYLOON]

I'd left parked ma car outiside wir house one summer and the passenger door window had been left wound down . Ma mum was in the house, looked out and shouted to me that someone had pinched the glass out the door. Now why would anyone even think that, let alone shout it out?