Jokes?

[RHCP rule]

Has any one got any funny jokes, or even ones that are not funny but are sooo dumb that they are funny? any suggestions welcome! (keep in clean)

[hopalong]

Why has the new Titanic got a glass hull? So the passengers can see the old one ;-( sorry

[hopalong]

A guy playing frisbee with his mate was wondering why when a frisbee got closer and closer it got bigger. Then it hit him

[Wraith]

A fish swims into a brick wall and says DAM.

[scubadiver]

One for the Scottish contingent - A man walks into a baker's shop and says to the baker "Is that a doughnut in the window or a meringue?" The baker replies "Naw - you're right enough -it's a doughnut" Ahh- the oldies are the goodies!

[Angel41]

scubadiver maybe im bein thick or is it cos im English but I dont get it!!

[mike1222]

Me neither - and I'm English too. Must be dense or something!

[Jackanory]

It's all in the pronounciation..or a meringue..or am I wrong?

[bernardo]

I was lying awake all last night worrying about where the sun had disappeared to...
























...and then it dawned on me

[bernardo]

Question
What's the difference between a duck?
AnswerOne of its legs is both the same

[bernardo]

This is a joke which only works in Volapük:

Kin binon nim okiälikün da vol lölik?
Ziporüt, bi ai sagon "Ob... ob... ob..."!

but not in translation:

Which is the most egotistical animal in the world?
A goldfish, because it always says "I... I... I..."

[SteveD]

A man and a woman found themselves allocated the same two-berth compartment on a sleeper train. They discussed the situation and agreed to act with decorum; the man took the bottom bunk and the woman took the top one. In the middle of the night, the woman woke up feeling cold and whispered to the man, "Excuse me, but could you get me another blanket, please?" The man replied, "I tell you what, perhaps we could pretend we are husband and wife". The woman giggled shyly and said, "OK, then". "So get your own #*$%�*@ blanket" said the man.

[darth vader]

I have to credit thewillow for this one but it tickled me. A woman went into a coctail bar and asked for a double entendre so the barman gave her one

[Yinzer]

How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, but good luck getting them in there! How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? 1, but it's got to admit it's a lightbulb and it's got to want to change!

[smudge]

Man goes to the dentist, Dentist says "Say Aarrgghh", the man says "Why?", Dentist says "'Cos me dog's just died". (Tommy Cooper)

[woofgang]

apologies to the guys, this is a national women's day graffitti "I real like a strong dominate man but i've never managed to eat a whole one"

[mac309]

Two cows in a field, the first cow goes 'mooo', and the second one says 'you bstd, i was going to say that!

[bluedolphin]

Scuba's joke ...could it be mirage the baker thought the guy was saying....anyway Why do elephants have big ears?? A: cos noddy won't pay the ransom....

[MikeMikeMike]

Two cows in a field. On says 'so what do you think about this mad cow disease then?' and the seconds replies 'doesn't bother me, I'm a helicopter.'

[bluedolphin]

Two boiled eggs in a pot one says to the other...boy its hot in here...other one answers ....wait till u get outside...they smash ur head in.... Was this joke on a commercial or show in the seventies??? cos I remember hearing it regularly on the telly?????

[quattro]

Q.How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? A Put it into the microwave until its bill withers