One liners or put downs

[jasonhanger]

I'm trying to find a website with great one liners or put downs. The wittier the better, sexiest, crude or rude too... Or if you have any of your own please email them to me ... The more the merrier. Thanks Jason

[Doolallygirl]

The best one was one I witnessed as a kid at the local youth centre. Two boys were having a row and one of them said to the other "yeah well your mum looks like a jelly baby who has been chewed up and spat out again". Had me in stiches for weeks! My favourite for men who aren't too well endowed is "Isn't that cute? an extra belly button?"

[Jamie Lewis]

I heard a good one at a comedy club. The comedian being somewhat on the large size was getting called a fat B4st4rd by a heckler. His come back was - "The reason I'm so fat is becuase every time I f!$k your mum she gives me a buscuit!"

[Ewood27]

A lovely young lady once told me she was in a group being shown round a stately home. One infuriating woman kept contradicting the guide about dates and such details. Eventually the young lady said, "He's right, you know. It was 1588." The woman rounded on her, "What do you know about the history of that period?" "I teach it."

[Ewood27]

This may be an urban legend. Margot Asquith was talking to the silent movie star Jean Harlow, who asked her, "Say, is it Margo or Margott?" "No, dear. The T is silent, as in Harlow."

[Thomas]

When a woman tells you that you have a nice shirt on, tell her she does too but it would look better if it was on the floor....