As you suggest, jtp, the question as constructed appears to be frivolous... but on the off chance there's some sincerity within it, added to the fact that you've taken time to clearly explain your position, I'd offer that "wet" is a sensation used to describe something ephemeral sensed by humans. In fact this question has been asked a number of times in the past on this site... with some interesting input.
However, the "sensation" of wetness isn't well supported "only" by your conclusion of "why" water is wet. I offer that, however foolish it might be, if one were to rub one's fingers together dipped in Mercury one would use the same adjectives to describe the "wetness" and it's metallic. Other concoctions can produce the same sensation and therefore I'd offer the explanation that water isn't wet, since that terminology exists only to describe a feeling... no? At any rate... good morning (at least here in the U.S.)...