1st christmas without our mum

[dorindarasbe]

hi all, having just lost our mum on 5th november aged 57 my 2 sisters and i are all dreading christmas. our mum was like a big kid at christmas and used to always cry at all her presents, we are so going to miss her, how can we get through it please? many thanks.

[havinmysay]

im sorry to hear about your mum,its only recent aswell
and its times like christmas when u think of your loved ones.share happy times u had with your mum with your family it doesnt matter if u have a few tears and dont feel guilty if u have a few laughs.
take care xx

[kinc.]

i think u need 2 have a good day and have a laugh as im sure ur mum wood of wanted u to do. insted of sitting around greeving u need to celebrate her and think of all the happy times, is tht ok

[JoolsTwo]

It might help if you try to do something different this year. Maybe book into an hotel for Christmas Day and Boxing Day. My Sister-in-Law and her family did this when they lost their younest son and she found this help them through that 1st Christmas. Or go away somewhere for longer, a cottage? Nothing is going to be the same I know and doing something completly different may just get you though. I hope so it is a very trying time when you lose some one close anyway, the 1st Christmas, Birthday, Anniverary etc are always the worst. You never forget but it does get easier to bear. All the best.

[marley2000]

jimjools is right. the first ones are the hardest. even after years after when ive lost relatives there is still a pang but not as intense as it used to be. it does get easier but what you need to do is to try not expect it to be the same. it won't be the same but you can remember and laugh about what a big kid she was and make this one a tribute to her. then as the years go on you will find and invent new traditions. let yourself grieve and stick together. let us know how you get onxxx

[devilwoman]

bless you, i cant imagine how you feel, unless your going through the same thing. maybe have a quiet christmas and remember your mum in your own way, thats not to say gorget christmas altoghether. have a drink for her and be happy, cos thats what she would want. if u cry then so be it,, its normal, have a peaceful christms xxx

[devilwoman]

that is forget, sorry.

[Theland]

The agree with the previous answers, but would just like to add, that maybe just now you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but know that it is there, and you will emerge from the darkness.

The obvious love between you and your sisters will sustain you all.

[whiskeysheri]

Hi hun.

There's not really much I can add to the good advice you've been given, but I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. I lost one of my friends in an accident on the 5th too.

Keep each other strong, but have a good cry if you need to. We're always here if you need us.

ws xxx

[Curly13]

So sorry to hear your loss. Why not invite some friends over to spend the day with you. We did this when we were in your situation and we found it helped to have other people there to 'keep us together' and support us.

[daisy48]

Im so sorry about your loss dorinda. We lost our Mum in October 16 years ago just 18 months after losing our Dad and its true what the other's here say,the first few years are the worst especially that 1st Xmas! It wont be easy but you will get thro' the day and being honest I sighed a breath of relief when Xmas day was over that 1st year for both my parent's..My dear cousin passed away in August from cancer and just last sunday her hubby followed her so their family have cancelled Xmas this year and are going abroad with their kids. I wish you all well. x

[pitstopbunny]

Hi there, I am so sorry for you, I lost my mum 8 years ago (51 years old) - she choked to death in a restaurant on mother's day, I'll never get over it but time really does heal - honestly, I promise you.
The first one is the toughest...my sister does the whole cemetry thing but I prefer to sit with a candle lit and just have a think about her and a blo**y good cry for a few minutes/hours.
Sounds daft, but maybe you and your sisters could all get together and just chat to her, tell her how you are feeling and what you were planning on buying her, even lay her a place at the table........out of sight does not mean out of mind.
I hope you still have a lovely Christmas, she'd hate it to be any other way, wouldn't she? All the best - Bunny x

[what..the?]

I lost my brother in Sept aged 28 he was mentally and physically disabled all his life but was so witty, fun lovely and his sense of humour was the best I've ever known. He died in hospital after a year going in and out, all these visits due to faults the hospital made with his care. He suffered for a year and in the end his body just gave up and went to a better place. The fact he died due to NHS neglegence is what hits me hard, and to them it is just another case they have to cover up to save being sued.

I will miss him dearly.

[daisy48]

what, Im so sorry about the loss of your brother. It must have been heartbreaking watching him struggle for life only for the NHS to wreck it!. As a believer of life after death, Im sure he's around you full of love and as happy and smiling as ever. Bless you Daisy x

[daisy48]

Pitstopbunny. That must have been a terrible experience for your Mum choking like that. I once swallowed a tiny piece of chocolate which got lodged and it was so scary. I hope your Mum is happy and around you especially at Xmas. Daisy.

[dorindarasbe]

thank you all for your lovely comments and also to the many thousands of people in the same situation, we will all be going through the same which somehow helps in a way knowing that we are not the only ones. good luck to you all and yes the loved ones that have passed on would not want us to mope around, but then it is easier said than done. xxxxx

[fabulous1]

Hi dorindarasbe, i know exactly wot ur goin through, i lost my mum on 19th oct. I've got to try and carry on as normal 4 my 2 boys and it's not gonna b easy. My thoughts r with u and ur 2 sisters. x x

[dorindarasbe]

hi fabulous1, so sorry to hear about your mum as well. i know exactly what you are feeling and going through at the moment, and it always seems worse this time of year, dont get me wrong, anytime of the year is bad. we are going through the denial stage at the minute and cannot believe she is not still with us, its as if she has gone on holiday. we are all in shock at the moment. i will be thinking of you and wishing you all the love in the world. xxxxx

[dan no1]

sorry to hear about your mum. i lost my dad 18months ago so last xmas was the first without him. my mum tried to do her best without him for us, but its wasnt the same, and never will be without him. you just have to get through it together the best way you can. reading the answers everyone has wrote for you made me quite emotional! for his bday and xmas, i go to the place where we scattered his ashes and have a chat to him. just do the best you can. dan

[pitstopbunny]

Thanks Daisy 48 for your lovely thoughts!!.
Maybe we could all agree to set a time for a few minutes together, wherever we are, to just reflect & share some love knowing we all share the same thoughts? Just an idea.....

[daisy48]

Could'nt agree with more pitstop, Our loved one's in spirit are in our thoughts everyday but moreso on their birthday's and Xmas. I always wish my parent's a Merry Xmas and light a small candle near their picture on Xmas Eve. Daisy. x