Cheer up love

[KittyGlitter]

Question for you men out there. Any ideas why men often say to women (myself included) "smile" or "cheer up" when in a pub or club situation? I stopped smiling for a split second on Saturday night and some guy quite aggressively told me to smile. I've not ever witnessed women telling strangers to smile.

[jno]

It has a slightly condescending ring to it, doesn't it, telling a total stranger what to do with her face; and that manner is more common in male-to-female interaction than the other way round. Don't see why women shouldn't try it too, but it might be seen as a pick-up line when they don't want it to be.

[Alixw]

Yes guys, please answer!! I find it sooo annoying when I'm walking in the street and some strange bloke tells me to smile or cheer up. Do i have to constantly walk round with a smile on my face just to please you lot?! I'd be too worried that people would think i just had painful wind or something! Or is all that just some easy way of getting us talk to you?!

[trionam]

I agree most annoying,I agree alixw must be a way of getting us to chat to them, if it is they should try another approach as this one just wrecks my head!

[nicola_red]

Even worse is "cheer up, it might never happen."  How do they know what's going on in your personal life?  do they actually want you to say "well, I have cancer" or reveal some terrible thing that would justify you not  smiling?  or do they just think it's funny?  Because it's not.  I usually just say "it already did" but it still irritates me sooo much.

[jno]

on the other hand... it isn't too disgraceful that men want you to be happy; better than 'Wot you think you're smiling at?'

[Robinia]

I agree, & what's worse is the fact that it's usually men who also say they don't trust people who smile all the time!!!

[ludwig]

Men eh? They're nothing but animals. what can you do?

[catra1]

a tramp once told me to cheer up it might never happen- yes it was a bit forward but i smiled and felt better for it.... i think the guy said it in a well intentioned way rather than being sexist or trying to wind me up....

[RacingLover]

I'm guilty of doing that. I do it with best intentions. I want to make her feel good about herself. Obviously I'm doing that because I like her.

Kitty tell us the best best way to talk to women http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/People_and_Places/Question114980.html

This was the purpose of that thread

[butter1]

URGH!  Me to, I find this most annoying..  I don't know why men carry on saying this as it really won't get them far..  Men, you must stop it now!!

[jno]

something interesting going on here... RacingLover posted a query asking women what they wanted, and they briskly told him that it couldn't possibly be answered because women were different, so all women didn't want the same thing. Yet here we have contributors agreeing equally briskly that all women hate being told to cheer up.

RacingLover may be getting his answer - one phrase at a time.

[elgroucho]

Not one I've ever used, but I can say that it is either used to impress a lady (yes we blokes really are that daft thinking a line like that would work) or to get a laugh from your own mates.

You must remember that anyone using this particular approach has probably reached the 'merry' stage of the evening and wants everyone to be as happy as them, but I suspect KittyG that the guy who said this to you was past merry and on to aggressive.

[Insane Wally]

This used to get said to me & I'm male.  I felt like carrying a stick on smile showing the face of the Joker from Batman, & sticking it on whenever told to cheer up & saying 'hows this'?

[KittyGlitter]

RacingLover, you sound nice already considering you actually want to find out what women want in the first place. I'll have a look at that other thread. Once, I walked past a guy in a pub and he was really horrible to me, saying "Cheer up, for god's sake" but he said it in a really nasty way and he looked angry. Hint for men: I think instead of being told to smile, it's nicer just to ask if we're ok as that sounds more caring!

[Dark Angel]

Its good that I'm not the only one who's experienced this. Many years ago when I was in a bar with my friends a bloke told me the same thing. It was really annoying!!!

[MORELLO]

Whoa, hang on! I'm a man and I have this said to me on occasion, and always by women. Not that I'm a miserable git, it's like you ladies say - you don't have to wear a smile every minute of every day. I find it extremely annoying, and if I didn't have a problem pre-remark, I do once it's been said. So it's not just a man thing, thank you. I work in Health Centres which are predominately female staffed. Why is it women, who when passing you in a corridor / doorway etc selectively choose, day to day, hour to hour whether to smile or say hello? I always make some sort of gesture, whether I know the person or not.

[Trillipse]

some men use it as an opening line; eliciting a smile is the first step to coitus. it can be seen as a way to force a woman to present herself social, first by smiling (at, or as a response to the direction in, the opener) - echoes here of the (outdated, yeah, right) idea that men see lone women in  places such as pubs as presenting themselves as "cannon" (ahem) fodder... naturally, the biological imperative drives men to connect in whatever way possible, and in this way it's an alternative to "Penny for your thoughts, dear...?"; a natural inclination to be inquisitive and break the irritating solitude of another in thought, combined with a need to storm other, more animal, defences. In the quest for an intimacy only different by degrees (some would say).

I don't think we can get past the idea that this is essentially an attempt to make inroads of one sort or another. Clearly it isn't an inbuilt function of men try to enforce the ostensible improvement of women's mental states, though this doesn't preclude the idea that there are such men...

lame line, essentially.

[Little Lady]

I have to say this has also happened to me on a number of occasions and all it does is winds me up, it's not like i am not happy, as it is usually in a pub or such like and i am enjoying myself 99% of the time. It just seems a way of a bloke trying to chat to you and this would usually be one of the last people i would then want to speak to. If they want to chat the nicest thing a stranger has said to me is 'hello and how are you then? I found this really sweet and it is a lot simpler and none annoying to say this. Sorry men you will have to find another way to chat to us.

[rooftrouser]

I have always found this so common from either sex that I am amazed that it appears to be so widely accepted here that it is some kind of clumsy mating gambit. Perhaps in the context of a young peer group and the pub and club situation KittyGlitter specifies, this is the case. However, as a male with, I hope, a generally sunny disposition but not with a permanent smile stuck to my face I have been on the receiving end of the "it might never happen love" variation to the point where it actually drove me to Insane Wally's approach. I drew a large smile on a piece of paper, sellotaped it to a long pencil and held it in front of my face. I suppose it *had* happened in a way.

[Emily Ball]

As we get older, gravity has its evil way and everything starts to 'go south', including our facial muscles and the corners of our mouths, which often give us a disgruntled or unhappy look even if we are feeling quite contented. The Queen is a very good example of this; she has a very attractive smile which lights up her face but in repose she can look quite grumpy, which is not the case I'm sure. Well, not always! I always found this inane remark irritating too but usually well-intentioned albeit lacking in thought and originality.