one liners

[mike42]

hi all like to hear your fav one line put downs.

[Homer55]

You no good jive turkey, this is in the wrong section

[B00]

No it's not, it's in the right section.

[mike42]

ha ha your rite meant post it in phrases and sayings.

[B00]

Ahhhh, but seeing as you say one liners to people and this is people & places category.................




Boo desperately clutches at straws...................

[angeldraws]

When s/one is struggling with s/thing i say 'dya need a grown-up to help?' (but they ask if i know one!!)
Also when colleagues talk about their new clothes n how much they cost, i say 'Ya cuda got a new one for that price....'
Another of my faves is 'You're depriving some village of an idiot!' -
'If 2 people are talking and one em looks bored - you're the other one!!!!!!'
'it's s/times difficult to believe out of 1 million sperm, you were the one that got to the egg!'

I cud go on n on n on ........but i wont!! Lol

[naz_nomad]

From South Park ...


''Who's we? ... have you got a turd in your pocket?''

[dot.hawkes]

D'you wanna wake up with a crowd round you?

[trakcab]

From Dirty Harry "about has welcome as a turd in a swimming pool".

[Ollie_P]

We have a girl at work we like to call Venus di Milo. As in she's nice to look at but she's not all there.

[-Zorro-]

"take your face for a sh!t"

[sasserina]

I did hear a friend of my brothers say this to a girl one time...
Well darling you have the body of bay watch... but the face of crime watch....he he ...terrible hey !!!

[Fulton]

I always thought you were stupid; everytime you open your mouth you confirm my belief.

[Tha-Flash]

"What ya gonna do for a face when the monkey wants its ass back?"

I said this to my mate (who can take a joke) and he thought it was funny.

[Postdog]

True story. Many years ago I came home on the tube on Valentines Day, and to cut a very long story short, I thought the girl sitting opposite me all the way was perfect, but being a shy teenager...

Anyway, just before my stop, I took the chance when she accidentally kicked my leg. She said sorry and took it as the chance to try. "That's OK" I said "do you know, If I'd have known you were going to be on the train tonight (Valentines, remember) I'd have bought a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates"

Quick as a flash she hit back with "well if I'd have known you were going to be on it, I'd have f***ing walked!"

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

[cazzrob]

if i had a face like that, id teach my ass to talk!!

[johnlambert]

On a parade in Germany the RSM prodded the man next to me with his pace stick and said " Pte Mcleod, there is a piece of sh1t on the end of my pace stick" Mcleod replyed "not on my end of it sir,just a nano second before the RSM brought the item crashing down on McLeod's head)

[mike42]

thanks folks very amusing.

[welshwil]

some one in a pub asked me for a match, i said yeah my ar$e your face

[mickeylee]

welshwil the usual reply to that is, turn em round and it might strike

[ianess]

I'm fat? You're ugly. Tomorrow I'll be sober.
W.S. Churchill.