Parenting styles

[Pickle]

Parents - Do you think your parenting style was influenced more by your own upbringing, your children's personalities, society, something else? Why is that?

[treaclefight]

my parenting style is largely influenced by me not liking children and being an only child. i have learned that my children are fantastic (other people's remain an unknown quantity) and i have a very open mind as to how problems should be overcome, all opinions are respected and we try to keep to the rule that everyone should be polite to each other. our family is very happy and the kids are doing very well at school, love is the key. i think my parents did the best they could and i accept that they were human and faced many problems of their own, they must have influenced my parenting style in some way but i think it is 90% down to the personalities of my children. i dont treat the children as equals because they're so different and make different demands on and contributions to family life, typing this ive just realised i am a marxist parent, "from each according to his ability, to each according to his need", now that's my dad's fault... :-)

[Kit]

Most of the time I think my parents did a pretty good job, so I've borrowed some of their attitude. My dad has a very daft sense of humour, and I'd love it if my littl'un grows up remembering playing silly games with her mum and dad, like I did (but hubby didn't - very sad.)
Occasionally they didn't get it right, so I've tried to avoid doing the same with my littl'un. At the moment discipline is relatively easy, her personality is similar to mine, and I've a good idea of what makes her tick. So far the Terribly Twos aren't too trying... but ask me again in 6 months' time...
My general philosophy is that childhood is here to be enjoyed. This doesn't mean getting everything that you want, but getting the most fun out of what you have.

[paulz]

Pickle ' yes they did. Wife and I had totally diff upbringings; my folk were [and still are very church orientated] so most of my childhood was centred around that. If anything I'm determined to be the opposite of my m&d. I've tried to explain to daughter that when life deals her the cr@p card ' as it will unless she's extremely lucky ' she can come to me or Mrs P; if I/we get cross it's because we love her & care. If she can't tell us [for whatever reason] then she knows she can tell any of our grown up [allegedly!] friends. I'm lucky being a shift worker that I can do the school runs, sports day etc so am a lot closer 2 her than my dad was to me. Having had a child later in life has it's up & downs, but I've tried to explain my view of life to her [which I've only just worked out for myself!] as in this: [1] don't look back & regret, look forward & learn, [2] Life isn't a dress rehearsal, you get one chance, so enjoy & [3] Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery; today is called the present so unwrap it & enjoy. Treacle u deserve 5 stars 4 that answer, our daughter is also an only child [with 2 big bro's in late 30's] yes we do feel guilty sometimes that she's missing out, but a v close pal told me when she was born ' I was worried she'd be spoilt ' Loved yes, spoilt never have a gr8 w/end XXX ;+))

[andy hughes]

I have two step daughters - I came into their lives when they were aged six and four - they are twenty-eight and twenty-six now, and a daughter aged fourteen. I was always determined that no child of mine would dread the sight of me the way I did my dad, and I've stuck to that. We work on mutual respect, and being nice to each other when ever possible. I have affirmed them as individuals every day - told them I love them, and that everything I say and do is based on that love, even if it doesn't always seem that way! I hope they realise that I don't always get it rght, but I do try, and we all get along well, so I guess it worked most of the time. I always remember being told - our children don't belong to us, they are loaned to us for a short time.

[coemgen]

Aw Andy I wish I had a dad like you! I hated being a kid and couldn't wait to grow up, my family were strange and all hated each other. My sister was the favourite and I was the fat one.All I ever remembered feeling was frightened and alone as a kid (everyone say Ah). My kids, on the other hand, are all very confident and happy despite one of them having Asperger's syndrome. I think I just decided to do everything differently.I always got the impression that my family including grandparents didn't like kids. The only good times I remember as a kid was becomiong a punk at 14, and I've been rebellious ever since.Strangely though, my eldest has just been awarded pupil of the year award, and is always anxious to be at school on time, whereas I never attended and would have been appalled to have received any award. As people have said they are all different so you can't treat kids the same, but mine are all praised for their achievements and have all their certificates etc all hung on the wall, mine were always thrown away as they weren't considered important, hardly suprising then that I never bothered at school. Encouragement, praise and knowing you are valued are essential to a child.My kids talk to me about everything and are always telling me they love me so I must be doing something right.