Unfriendly vibes!

[SAH]

I'm going out with a friend tomorrow night and there's another person who's going to be there who doesn't seem to like me, because whenever I'm with my friend, he ignores me and talks to her. I asked my friend about this and she just says that I should just join in the conversation, but how can you join in a conversation when you're being totally ignored. I don't know what his problem is with me, but I was kind of hoping for a bit more support from my friend on this. Is it unreasonable of me to expect this?

[beenee]

I can imagine how horrible it can be to feel sidelined. But try to see it as a problem with him - maybe he's trying it on with your friend and is tactless enough to ignore anyone else in the equation. I think that you're absolutely right to expect support from your friend. So give it a last go tomorrow night. Even better: take a third person with you - someone you're close to and will be able to chat with if this guy continues to be an ass.

[SAH]

Thanks beenee, I think you're spot on when you say he's trying it on (he's married with children) and probably sees me as some sort of threat. I don't think he believes that our friendship is purely platonic (not many people do these days) and has even said to my friend that I must be gay! I had thought about asking a third person along, but that would be like admitting defeat and if he thinks he's going to ignore me, he can think again. Anyway, what REALLY annoys me is the fact that he's married with children and should be at home with his family, not out playing the single man.

[coggles]

I'd invite someone to take along with you too - his wife! Lets see who gets ignored then!

[SAH]

What a great idea! Even better though would be if he was there on his own, thinking he was the business and she was to turn up and start a scene - humiliating or what!

[coggles]

Could be quite easy to organise! Invite her to where you are supposed to be meeting (without telling Mr Uphimself), then at the last minute, tell your friend it would be more convenient for you to meet somewhere else and tell her that you've already let Mr Uphimself know............! I'd love to be a fly on the wall!

[coggles]

I sound like a bunny boiler! I'm not though, honest!!!

[SAH]

You are so full of great ideas! I don't think you're a bunny boiler for one minute coggles, but I do think that these types of situations make normally mild mannered people see red!

[incitatus]

regardless of his morals you may be coming up against a male /female cognitive difference- women can hold several conversations at once and pay attention to all of them, men find it much more difficult. so when a bloke is on the pull and trying to listen to all the irrelevant tosh that his intended victim is coming out with ((they always expect you to remember it)) as opposed to nodding and grunting as usual, then he has to blank out any other distractions. SAH...are you sure you arent just jealous of the attention?

[ANUSHIKA]

Personally I would ask him what his problem is and tell him to grow up he sound like an idiot

[SAH]

incitatus - I don't think you can disregard his morals, as he should be at home with his family, honouring his responsibilities, instead of playing the field down the pub. I won't deny that the attention bothers me, but that's because I feel protective towards my friend as it's the wrong sort of attention from someone who should know better. If this person was single, I wouldn't have a problem, although I should say that my friend has been in a relationship for over 2 years now

[SAH]

Thanks ANUSHIKA!

[incitatus]

What is his marital situation? are you so privy to his secrets that you know he and his wife are happy? what goes through my head here is: your freind is also in a relationnship, and yet you are not too bothered about her morals. What the hell business is it of yours? It really sounds like you are jealous of someones attentions, either his or hers, and seeking moral arguments to back this up.

[SAH]

He's married with children and personally I don't care whether he's happy or not in his marriage, As for my friend's morals, they are not in question here, as she is simply just having a night out. As for what business it is of mine, I am her friend looking out for her and if you think that I am jealous, then you are sadly mistaken. Happy Halloween!

[ANUSHIKA]

I disagree inc it does not at all sound like SAH is jealous it sounds like SAH wants a night out with some friends and like most adults she expects not to be ignored for no reason and expects everyone to get along as mature adults should .This particular person sounds to me like the one with the problem maybe he is annoyed that your there because he wants to be on his own so he can crack on to your friend, whatever the reason he sounds like a complete dick.

[ANUSHIKA]

Also SAH no i do not think it is unreasonable for you to expect some support from your friend if it was me in your friends position I would of asked him if there was any reason why he was being like that and triend to make you feel included .

[beenee]

Frankly, I think that if you go down the road of inviting his wife, or involving her in any way you'll be stooping to his level. Also, I know that people can sense whether vibes are hostile or purely down to an incapability of holding a decent conversation with two people simultaeneously.

By taking another friend and ignoring him too won't be you admitting defeat - I would see it as him being so insignificant that you don't deem it necessary to confront him or waste any energy in making him give you attention.

Where these peoples' morals are concerned, don't give any advice unless your friend asks for it. Good luck for tonight!

[SAH]

Thank you both for your support and advice(ANUSHIKA and beenee) and I'll let you know how I get on!

[darth vader]

SAH don't be annoyed by this question but are you male or female? the reason i ask is that reading the thread i thought you were male, but beenee referred to you as "she". Anyway my advice is: make a pass at him and if he accepts, swing for him (or kick him in the wedding tackle) - this will probably work better if you ARE male ha ha it would certainly shut him up. anyway have a nice weekend. Darth

[darth vader]

...that's also assuming he isn't gay......

[smudge]

SAH, I've read all the comments on this one & to be perfectly honest I wouldn't even bother going! You'd be better off, staying in with a big box of Maltesers & watching a scary film! Happy Halloween! :-)