How do I get rid of him?

[fade2black]

There is a bloke I've met here at uni and we were very close in the first few weeks (completely platonically) but now he's just getting on my nerves. Whenever we're hanging out he is constantly talking about himself and never cares about anything I say. It's so bad that after he's ranted on about himself for an hour and I start talking, he starts looking elsewhere (and the cleverest thing= he says that averting his eyes is how he listens) and never reciprocates to anything about me. Every thing I say is a lovely string leading back to himself. I could go on about what all annoys me about him (he is so egotistical that one of his philosophies on the world is that we are all part of the mass and HE is one the elites sent to sort the world out - no really, he's serious about that). Suffice it to say that i can not stand him. But I'm not horrible enough to hurt his feelings. How in the world can I give him the hint? There's only so much studies I can invent to pretend I'm busy and not be with him.

[treaclefight]

a) make friends with someone who is prepared to be rude to him on your behalf. b) make friends with someone who is rude to people anyway c) make friends with an ex of his (although i seriously doubt he's had a girlfriend) d) pretend to become a jehovahs witness. there are some more suggestions that i will post as i wake up a bit more, but keep in mind you are by no means the only person in this situation, the first few weeks of uni are awkward and almost everyone i know has made some judgement errors at that time, if you follow the logic of that, there should be plenty of people at your uni, right now, trying to deal with the same problem. this person has to realise that his sort of friendship = short friendships and the gentlest way to do this is to lose yourself in the rest of the university life. it would be a big shame if he put a downer on what i understand to be one of the most fun periods of a persons life.

[treaclefight]

e) booby trap the halls of residence....

[woofgang]

fade2black as a middleager, one of the things I wish i had done earlier in my life is been more truthful with people. You are not being horrible if you say to him that he has behaviours which you find it difficult to deal with and you want to cool the friendship down If he asks what these are and you feel that you can tell him calmly and objectively and SAFELY, then do so. Say it to him when you can leave immediately afterwards and your line of exit is clear and will take you quickly to other people (not suggesting anything, this is basic self protection) and then when he asks you to do things, say no thank you. You are not horrible and of course, when you are in class with him or other group situations, you will smile and chat and be polite. This will be difficult and there may be people who think you are a nasty person because of it, but if you can get this kind of thing cracked now, believe me you will save yourself a lot of grief and stress in life. Uni is not only about learing from your tutors!!

[treaclefight]

f) hide all his clothes....

[tdvit]

I totally know where you are coming from. Unfortunately in the great scheme of things, this guy is starting out in life. If he keeps up this attitude as the years go on he will meet a lot of people who wont hesitate to tell him where to go. Maybe he has already and because you are not the type to tell him to stop annoying you; he has noticed that and he needs you to make himself feel better. He cant go on like that and expect people to respect/like him. He just cant! I have met people like this and to be honest its not easy to deal with but slowly you have to detach yourself from them. Look to meet up with other people. Think about doing a sport or some sort of activity around uni that will keep you in excuses!! this guy will eventually get the hint if you just get on with it and slowly start blanking him. If he doesnt then you are going to have to be a man about it and confront the situation. good luck

[treaclefight]

g) pretend you have amnesia and dont know who he is

[fade2black]

Thank you so much all of ou

[fade2black]

[sorry- still learning] Thanks to all of you for your excellent advice! Treaclefight - your advice 'a' is spot on: I know some people who he hates (not because they are rude but probably because they dont feed his ego like some people :oP) and now I'm making an extra effort to spend more time with him, and making sure that he knows it.tdvityou're right that many people he knew in the first few weeks have disowned him. I do feel guilty doing the same thing, but my own enjoyment here is more important to me than this totally obnoxious fellow. I've made some wonderful friends here and I'm lucky about that - he just remains a nuisance. I hope he gets the hint fairly quickly! Thank you again.

[fade2black]

woofgang, thank you for your frank suggestion - i have many times confronted him about some of his behaviour towards me (he becomes even more of an a*** in front of other people and has made derogatory personal comments about me) and he said 'it's alright, point taken': I dont know about anyone else but I expected an apology. None was given and life went on as "normal". You're right when you say I should be straight with him but *he just called again for dinner - i said no, cant - hurray* but then they're will be an atmosphere between us throughout the year, whenever I see him, and I would find that too stressful. So maybe just phasing out will be better? Thank you for your honest advice though.

[brawburd]

You probably won't find it as stressful as you expect. Both of you will go your own way and in the end why should you comproise your judgement? Go for it - be direct!!

[treaclefight]

well done fade2black, you seem to be a very positive person and i think you're going to be just fine. like you, i will avoid a confrontation wherever possible, this is not a sign of weakness, it is evidence of your compassion and your compassion is the most valuable thing you can bring to your relationships with those around you. i'm too old to be scared of confrontations anymore, but i do find myself more at peace if i walk away than if i fight. if you're 'mixed up with the wrong crowd', that is the people he doesnt like to be with, he will find something better to do, that sort of ego needs feeding and he wont wait around long. lol, you might even miss him at times. :-D