Bit of a personal one.

[Elementor]

I didn't know where to put this, but this seemed most appropriate. My girlfriend lives 7 hours away and I miss her constantly, and I also worry about her because we can't be togeher yet. I'm worried she may end up cheating on me because I live so far away - even though I know she isn't like that and she's told me she never, ever would. How do I put my mind at ease? :S

[woofgang]

no offence meant but it does sound as though you have a bit of a confidence problem. If its just passing feelings then ignoring them might be enough but if you are really worried, ie not eating or sleeping or constantly feeling you have to phone, text etcetera then maybe some counselling is in order. As life goes along (was going to put as we get older but not sure how old you are) lovers have to spend time apart for all sorts of reasons and mostly it just makes getting back together wonderful. Sometimes its hard to take that first trusting step and also hard to talk about it to the person as they may perceive your feelings as doubting them and be hurt by it although I am sure that you don't mean to. Simple things like keeping yourself busy while you are apart and making plans for when you can be together can help too. Good luck to you both.

[incitatus]

you have to develop trust and think of other things. and have one prearranged phone call per night, during which you can get dirty. This helps enormously. Mrsinci and i lived apart for over a year, and it is hard. but you can gett through it.

[incitatus]

also try listening to roberta flack singing "hey, thats no way to say goodbye" for a bit of catharsis

[Picky]

It is a bit of a poop situation. My now husband and I went through 3 years of 'courting' and living 250 miles away from each other. We moved into our house straight after our wedding, not living together first (actually, we didn't spend more than 10 days in a row together before we got married), but enough of that. The point I'm trying to make is that I know how you feel and that things do work out. The way we worked was to make sure we kept talking. He would fill me in on what he'd done during the day and vice versa so we would both feel included in each others day. Trust is the key and although it's difficult to build up trust and rid yourself of insecurities when you don't see each other all the time, keep each other informed of how you're both feeling and get reassurance from the fact that you are both there for each other. Make sure you make the most of the time you do have together and that things do have a way of working themselves out for the best. Good luck!!

[Sixtusthe5th]

Weld on a high tensile stainless steel chastity belt.

[Elementor]

I know I have a confidence problem. I don't believe in myself at all, and to be honest I still can't see what she sees in me. I'm just the luckiest guy on Earth to have her. "Sometimes its hard to take that first trusting step and also hard to talk about it to the person as they may perceive your feelings as doubting them and be hurt by it." is exactly how I feel. I don't want to say it to her, because it does hurt her as I've mentioned it in the past. I don't suppose it would be so bad if we could ring each other but she doesn't get all that much money so has to watch it, and I don't get any money at all, I have to watch how long I'm on the phone because it's not mine. (I know you probably think I'm sad because I'm younger than most but as young as I may be, my feelings are no different to anyone else's). I can almost assure myself it will be 4 years before we get chance to finally be together and the more I think about it the slower the days tick by. I don't know if I can cope for another 4 years without her, because I have never felt like this about anyone before, I'm madly in love and as much as it is an absolute joy, it also hurts me so much every day.

[Picky]

Oh you poor poppet, I do feel for you!! If neither of you have much money to phone, another really nice way to keep in touch is by letter. Doesn't have to be an epic, just a few lines to say your thinking about her etc. They're really nice things to keep and look back on. I do know how difficult it is to be apart from someone you love (and it doesn't matter how old you are!) but remember why you are together in the first place. Just write lots of letters, see each other as much as possible and when you are together, as difficult as it might be, don't spend the whole time counting down (ie, you'll be gone in 26 hours) but enjoy being together. It'll all work out for the best.

[woofgang]

Elementor, I met my one and only when I was 14, he was seventeen and apprenticed to a foreign company, abroad for 10 and 12 months at a time. We married wnen I was 21 and will have been married for 30 years this year. I have a trunkful of letters in our attic from all the times we have been apart (him mostly out of phone range or it cost too much...mobile phones and emailing have changed the world). I know it sounds really mushy but true love does wait and if you are each others one and onlies then its worth hanging on. Picky is dead right about writing letters, for one thing its a great way of getting to know each other even better. We used to agree to read the same books as well so we could talk about them, I guess today, you could also watch the same films and TV programs. A propos another question, this thread has made me feel REALLY old! ;-}

[banana]

Well , you have the internet available to you and hopefully she can access it too. So you can send all of the usual sorts of stuff you would even if she were in the next street. You can watch the same TV programmes, listen to the same music,see the same films, read whatever each other is reading etc- get my drift? Just so you can have some common ground even if you're not physically sharing them.Then you can also write lovely letters and enclose little bits and pieces for her to keep. But please - a word of warning. Dont get all creepy and obsessive about this. If Im right in guessing that she has gone away to uni , and you're worried that she will make new friends, leaving you behind ,then the worst thing you can do is to cling to her leg ( metaphorically speaking ). Try to get out and about and make new friends too . That way you can both gain from this seperation .When you are together you can both have something new and vibrant to talk about. Best of luck.

[Elementor]

I want to thank you all for your answers. They have been very helpful. She has no internet access though, and she has not gone to Uni (she's 23), she just lives a very long way away. I will endevour to write more letters but I am very emotional and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I don't want to lose her - I couldn't cope with it, that's why I want to keep her so close.

[dustybin]

Elementor, if you and your girlfriend split up you COULD cope, I promise you. It's possible that you and her may drift apart. You can't control this situation and you can't have a guarantee that she will stay with you. You can never have that from anyone as people change and often grow apart. You just have to enjoy the now with her and if you do stay together that's a bonus.