Thought i'd keep you posted

[Elementor]

Following the great replies I had to my last (huge) question, I thought id give an update. Things are still a bit well, iffy. My g/f told me that she wanted me to back off a little & that she needed more space. This hit me hard, though I knew she would say it one day - I love telling her how much I love her & I kept trying to make sure she loved me too. She wants me to stop worrying if she doesnt text me because she does have a lot of things going on - going through a divorce, a baby to look after etc - & I need to stop thinking the worst of everything. Also, I think she needs to stop worrying about everything that could go wrong in our life. Since we haven't met she told me she knows me, but she doesn't if I get her. Until she can look into my eyes & see that everything I say is true she won't know me fully. Because her mum was beaten by her b/f for a long time she thinks that maybe the same will happen to her. Even though I tell her that I would never do anything like that. I hate hurting people let alone lay a finger on the woman I love. She also told me that because she'd been through a bad marriage & she thinks she's a bad mother she doesnt want to marry me or have a baby with me. This hurt so much because those are two things I always dreamed of. What can I say to her to reassure her that she isn't a bad mother, that I will always be there for her, I will never, ever hurt her & together we'll be great. She worries as much as I do & she shouldnt :) I hate the fact that she's thinking of our relationship as a 'what if he's ok now but changes later' (she said she's not, but I can see she is), but there's nothing I can do to change that. I really screw everything up dont I :( I thought she was going to tell me that she didn't want to be with me anymore the other day. She can't love me like I love her. She does love me & still wants to be with me, she just needs some space & I don't know how to give it to her or what this means for me & her.

[woofgang]

2 things BACK OFF and BE PATIENT. If you can't do either of those things then regardless of the future, you are not who she needs right now. No offence but the last thing she needs right now from the sound of things is someone else needing things from her. You will have to prove to her that you can wait and give her what she needs without her giving a thing back, then maybe she will start feeling able to give back....I wish you both well

[Elementor]

Yeah I don't think you could have made back off more clear there. I already knew that, making me feel worse isn't the kind of answer I'd like thanks :-/. I don't think I should have to prove something just so she maybe likes me.

[El21]

Hi - how are things now?? Are you both any better? I feel really sorry for you and I know how you fell being worried and insecure - if that's how you are as this is how I have read it! You can write to me if you want, I won't judge you. Hope you write soon... A young lady who can lend a hand??

[Elementor]

I don't know how to get in contact with you, very annoyingly email addresses etc are removed from messages and you can't have profiles or anything on here.

[AB Editor]

Email addresses are removed from the site in order to protect your privacy and security. I hope you understand.

[El21]

Just keep writing on here then...is that okay?? So how are things now. You sounded really upset and worried? El. Ps) What is your nick name - if you have one?!

[El21]

It's okay AB Editor! Thanks for looking out for us all though! :-)

[Elementor]

In the end me and Andrea didn't work out :( she wanted that space from me and I just didn't think she loved me anymore, and I didn't think she wanted me. I felt so alone and I couldn't carry on like that. I decided we shouldn't get back together and straight away she wanted to get back with me. She told me she did still love me and that she did still want to be with me and that she always had. But I had already made my decision :( She still loves me today and she reminds me how sorry she is for being so 'stupid' and not showing her love and losing the 'best thing ever'. Just some things she said like not wanting kids, not wanting to get married again, even if she did change her mind later, that with wanting to be away from me just took it too far :( I have a new gf now. She is called Erika and she really is the perfect woman for me. There are a few things, such as her not showing love all the time, and wanting to go to a dance with a guy friend which I don't like (why would she want to do that it's a date :-/ she may as well be cheating). At first she wouldn't listen to me at all she said if he can go I'm going. But when I told her I considered it cheating because it's a date, she told him she couldn't go. Apparently she tells everyone about me all the time so if he was fishing to be near her I really don't like him. Maybe I'm not good enough to get someone's unconditional love and undivided attention. Sometimes she gets mad at things that I don't think she should get mad at, and sometimes she just doesn't show me the love I know she can.

[El21]

Hi! Thanks ever so much for getting in touch with me. I'm really gald you have. Hey, it's strange and I'm not just saying this, but you sound like me and you sound as if you need the same affection shown to yourself as you show to others whom you love. I know EXACTLY how you feel! It is hard when you show or tell your emotions and feelings to your partner and then all you get in reply is the same (which has not been thought about) or nothing and just a smile - no! We don't want that - give us more!! I keep getting hurt, not because my boyfriend (Niall) means it, but just because he NEVER seems to be open and tell me exactly how he feels. Do you understand what I mean? It's hard to explain without sounding selfish, but what you have written I know how you feel. That's great that you have a new girlfriend - have you been together long now? But just DO NOT let Andrea get in the way of you and Erika. Sometimes things do not always work out 2nd time and considering what Andrea had said regarding the future of both of you - it doesn't sound very promising really?! I mis-understood though. Did you mean that Erica too is similar to Andrea, regarding the way she acts and what she says? I'm 21 and Niall is 32 - the age gap does make a difference sometimes with us. take today for example - I'm fumming with him as he has not even apologised regarding the conversation we had yesterday and what he said. He has a habit of keeping things in and cutting the meaning of his conversation when it comes to emotions between us. please tell me all men are not like this?? :-( If you do not mind me asking: what is your nick name? How old are you too? Take care and i shall be in touch tomorrow. Take care in the mean time. El. :-)

[El21]

Just out interest too - what was your last question that you are (were) following up from?

[El21]

Also - just another thing that has caught me: I know it always takes two to tango, so was there something about yourself that was causing a rift maybe? Do you not trust erika going out with other guys? I understand about you being worried though as i would be jealous if that was Niall and I totally understand your piont!! What did you mean by "what if he's ok now but changes later" - what is there in your past that you have come to the conclusion that she have been thinking this? Just a question... Write soon if you can!

[Elementor]

Damn I just posted a reply to you and there was an error. I do feel like you say, I do need the same affection that I give to Erika. I think it's something that SHOULD be done in a relationship and if she doesn't I feel that she might not love me as much as I hope. We've been together since 19th of April so not too long but it's one of those things where we feel like we've been together forever. I have no intention of letting Andrea get between us, we don't even talk very often anymore so it's quite easy not to. Erika's not like Andrea as she does show me her love, but sometimes she's just like Andrea because she keeps it all inside and I always worry if she still loves me, even though that's silly. Not all men are like that. A lot probably are, but I know I'm certainly not :) What do you mean what is my nickname? Elementor is a name I made for a game and it's stuck. My real name is Lewis and that's what people call me. I'm 18 and Erika is 15. Andrea was 24 so you can see I've experienced a range of ages hehe. I don't mind age differences as long as they're not too big. I was following up from a question about what to do because I was worrying about Andrea's feelings and if she still loved me. By the time I wrote this follow up I knew it wasn't going to work though. I don't know if there's anythig about me that's wrong, but I hope there isn't. I should trust her with guys because she only wanted to go to school dances with friends but it's still a date and why would she want to do that damn it!! even if she does love dancing and thought it would just be fun. Andrea said that to me, she said I'm worried about things like what if you're ok now but change later. Her last bf changed and she fell out of love with him.

[El21]

Woa there! You're 18! The way you sound - it's as if your my age! No, no, no! Don't panic for God's sake! Glad you feel the same though and be AWARE of changes - these will happen as Erika is so young. I changed alot when i went out with my first boyfriend. I was 15 and changed as i reached 18-19. I'm not saying it will - but it COULD happen... How strange - again! - Niall and I got together for the 2nd time on 17th April! We met at my friends in Margate, Kent. Where are you from anyway? I'm from Kent and Niall lives is Suffolk - think of THAT distance and stress hey?! Oh, my name is Elena too. Nice to meet you Lewis! Please, DO NOT worry or even rush into ANYTHING! I thought that I would be spending my life with Mark (my first and longest r'ship consisting of 3 years!) until I realised and thought - no there are plenty more guys and I AM changing. I am by no means trying to put you off - but it happened to me. Infact I'm still going through the upsets and worries - OH YES!! It really annoys me though and it does cause a rift. I'm still not fully talking to Niall now... Oh ******! Write again if you can! El. x

[Elementor]

Oh dear that's kind of put even more worries into me. I couldn't bare to think about her changing as she gets older and not wanting me anymore. She tells me I'm her soulmate, that the world wouldn't be the same if we weren't together, she wakes up at night crying if something happens to me in her dreams, she never stops thinking about me, she would do anything for me, she would give anything up to be with me, and she always tells everyone about me and how much she loves me. Heh you think Kent and Suffolk is distance and stress, I'm from Littleborough, Lancashire (about 30 mins outside Manchester), and she's from Cincinnati, Ohio!! I know you're probably going to think of me as stupid now you know that, and you probably think it just won't work, and you may think I'm wasting my time, but I'm in love, I have my soul mate, and I will do anything to be with her.

[El21]

Hi Lewis. I don't as it happens think that you are stupid, seriously. I think that's great! Have you ever met though? How did you meet? I'd like to write more, but however I have to get back to work now. Take care and have a nice weekend. I shall be in touch on Monday. Ps) I have made it up with Niall! So all is cool again - yes! Ciao! El.

[El21]

Hi again. How are you? Are you still writing to moi?! Hopefully hear from you again? Bye! El.