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What is the funniest thing you have heard the worlds little people say? There was a little girl in my sons nursery who said 'my nanny has died'. I said 'thats really sad, I'm sorry to hear that'. She cheered up and said 'don't matter were getting her furniture'............. What have you heard??????
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I had my 3 nephews and 1 niece for the afternoon a few weeks ago. We were traveling into the city centre by train and as usual the train was really busy. The kids all managed to get seats next to other people, and i stood in the aisle to keep an eye on them all. My youngest nephew (5yrs old) shouted to me in the loudest voice "THE WOMAN NEXT TO ME JUST PUMPED AND IT REALLY SMELLS!" I nearly died of embarrassment for her, she was absolute mortified, and of course everyone else on the carriage tried - unsuccessfully - to hide their laughter. One of my funniest kids moments ever!
My oldest daughter came home from nursery proudly clutching her Nativity picture, drawn that day. My wife identified Mary, Joseph. and Jesus, but was a little confused by the large rotund figure in the foreground. When asked for his identity, our daughter advised, with the haughty impreious tone reserved only for the terminally stupid "That's Round John Virgin Mummy" Think about it!
Many years ago live on TV (Noel Edmonds Multi-Coloured Swap Shop I think.) Young child, "What's green and smells of pork?) Presenter (possibly Noel), "(I don't know, what's green ..... etc?) Young child, "Kermit's middle finger." I'm sure thousands, if not more, adults just about wet themselves but there was a stony silence in the studio.
After a gruelling day, I picked up my daughter & suggested we have a relaxing bath at home with my new Tranquil Moments bath balm. Before I got in the door, work was on the phone so I told her to run the bath and get herself ready. After a while she said "come on mummy, the bath's ready and I've put in the tranqullizer".
Taking my youngest daughter, who was three at the time, to nursery on the bus, she sat on my knee facinated with an elderly black gentleman sitting opposite, she had never seen a black person before. "Daddy", she said in a stage whisper loud enough for all to hear, "That man's got black skin!" "I know sweetheart," I replied, "He's a black man." She thought about this for a few minutes, and after a little more observation, she announced in an even louder whisper, with a squeak of incredulity "He's got black EARS!" The old gentleman smiled to himself, and i said a silent prayer of thanks that we weren't in new Yprk, and he wasn't a nineteen-year-old Muslim with issues on his mind!
Couldn't leave the third of my wonderful daughters out of the recollections - before my wife and i were married, i lived in a flat, and our middle daughter, who was four, used to love to ring me on Saturday mornings to make sure i was awake, and coming round for dinner. One day she must have connected to a wrong number, and my wife recounts the tale of her side of the conversation, obviously with a bemused stranger - "Is Andy there? .... Andy .....Andy Fumes .... oh, alright, bye." at which point she turned to my wife with a baffled expression and advised her "He doesn't live there anymore." and remained convinced that i had vanished into the ether until I arrived to explain what had happened.
My youngest step-daughter had just started school and when she came home the second day I asked her what she had been doing.. she said that before lunch they had had 'P.E'. I smiled and said (like you do to a four year old). "I bet you don't even know what that is".. she thought for a bit and said smugly "'cause I do... fresh air".. think about it! Trudi x
One of my favourite ones was with my brother and his son on the way to Reading from Bristol. Every single little town we went past the four year old would say 'where's that dad?' and my brother would say 'that's bath' or 'that's chippenham' or 'didcot' or whatever group of houses it was. And my nephew would religiously reply 'good thing it's not Reading. We're going to Reading'. Which obviously became very tiring. Eventually, when a small village in the distance became the thousandth place which needed to be named my brother said 'I don't know where that is.' And the boy said 'can we make up a name for it?' so my brother agreed, an the boy decided it was London. A brief pause before he looked worriedly up and said 'is that London?' to which my brother replied yes, at which point my nephew screamed, running down the carriage shouting 'we've missed Reading We've missed Reading We've missed Reading.'
And my other favourite one was when I lived Bristol, andthere was a family across the road who were well known for their ... erm... dodgy choice of trade. Their little girl [who shall remain anonomous for legal reasons] was very friendly and talked from the window to nearly anyone who went past. One evening, as her father was wheeling his motorbike out from the front hall where it was ept, she leaned out of te window and said 'Mike, guess where my dad's goin?' So I said 'I don't know' and she replied loudly and proudly 'DAD'S GOIN NICKIN'!.' The expletives involving shutting the 'F***in Window' which followed would make Sid Vicious blush.
At a resort we waited with all the other parents for our kids coming out of a pantomime, Jack & the Beanstalk. My daughter couldn't wait to tell us the scary bit when the giant said "I'll grind his balls to make my bread". Foster son's eyes widened and he tried to hide his giggles, while we wondered how little we could get away with explaining.
Tonight, after reading a story about Meg, Mog and some dinosaurs. Treasure pipes up, "I know a Diplodocus song." Intrigued, as she's only 3, I ask to hear it. "Humpty Dumpty sat on a Diplodocus, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall....."
(And Darth, my pocket money question has fallen off the page... however your reply conjured up an interesting mental picture...
"Ah, Luke, I sense the Force is strong with you. However you're not getting any pocket money this month because your room's a tip...")
(And Darth, my pocket money question has fallen off the page... however your reply conjured up an interesting mental picture...
"Ah, Luke, I sense the Force is strong with you. However you're not getting any pocket money this month because your room's a tip...")
In an attempt to get some good food into my fussy eater son, I gave him a fruit drink into which I had secretly poured some carrot juice. Needless to say, he took one sip before declaring he didn't like it. I told him if he didn't drink it up he wasn't getting a biscuit and left the room. Seconds later I returned to see an empty cup. Suspecting foul play I asked what he'd done with the drink. He looked at me, 'well I haven't just poured it inside your boots.'
On another occasion we were playing hide and seek. He was hiding, all to obviously, under the kitchen table. I entered, feigning confusion, 'I wonder where he can be?' Then a little voice piped up from under the table, 'he's in the bathroom.' Yeh, right...
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