phoning your mum

[aaaaaaaab]

I phone my mum every two weeks, is that too infrequent?  She lives 50 miles away & I see her about once every 2 months.  I'm 24 & Male, She is 55.  We get on well.  The cost of phone calls and finding time to make them are not relevent factors.  She never phones me.

[andy hughes]

I reckon that's about right - if her not phoning bothers you, why not sign off with "Give me a ring soon ..." and see if she acts on it. My mum is totally paranoid about ringing me in case I'm too busy to talk to her - maybe your mum thinks the same. Mums, dontcha just love 'em!

[daddyg]

I don't think that's too bad. I try and phone mine once a week while I am offshore at work and about the same at home although I see her a bit at home as well as we live quite close and I have a daughter so she obviously likes to see her. She is murder for not phoning me as she always thinks I'm too busy for her. I mean I have between 2 and 6 weeks off when I'm at home for God's sake so it's not like I don't have 10 minutes spare but like Andy says she's your mum - what you going to do?

[Shipstabber]

You know what they say - if it's not one thing, it's your mother.

[Octavius]

I am 33 (and male) and me mum is 66.  She hardly ever rings me because she always thinks I am in meetings or something, but I try to ring her at least once every 2 days.  She did ring me once at work and a male colleague pretending to be my secretary answered my mobile whilst I was away from my desk.  She hasn't rung it since!!

[nicola_red]

I reckon I speak to mine once every 7-14 days, and see her once every 2-3 months. She always calls me but that's only cos I never have any credit...

[georgit79]

If it feels ok then it probably is! And I'm impressed by your efforts- my brother is at uni and manages about once a month. It drives mum up the wall..

[FP]

I think whatever suits you and your mum is fine.  There are no cut and dried rules.  Every relationship is different.

[Peter Pedant]

Have you tried writing to her?

Cheaper and lasts longer -she can read the script more than once.

[apricot]

Are all these answers from blokes?  This answer is from a Mum.  My son has lived abroad and not been home to the UK for 11 years.  He used to ring every two weeks and that was fine because we had plenty to talk about.  More often and I felt as though I was wittering about nothing, less often and I felt out of touch and isolated.  Later on we communicated by e-mail but now that isn't possible.  I have got used to the lack of communication but I don't have to like it.  Every 2 weeks is fine but the phone does work 2 ways (although my mother-in laws doesn't seem to). Remember your Mum loves you like nobody else ever will.

[tigga]

Your post has got me thinking, we could all make a little extra effort with no harm done, ya only get one mum !.

[nicola_red]

I think Apricot's answer is slightly patronising, it should be obvious from my username that I'm a girl, and I feel totally happy with how often I talk to my mum, and I'm sure she's happy with it too. There's no "lack of communication". For people managing on a low wage, saying "the phone works 2 ways" isn't very helpful. We know how to rectify the situation if necessary!

[smudge]

If my Mum was still around to phone, it would be at least once a week. God how I miss her.

[FP]

I still maintain that this is not something we can advise on.  All families differ, and differ with their expectations.

 

What I don't believe in is contacting someone just out of duty.  It then becomes a chore and it is really awful try and carry out a conversation under these circumstances.

 

However, with really elderly parents, who are perhaps alone or in residential accommodation, then I think more contact is necessary to make sure they don't feel isolated.

[smudge]

Yes,  I agree FP, feeling you have a 'duty' to call someone on a regular basis can become a chore, but as you say, when an elderly person is on their own, the days & nights can seem endless & although my Mother didn't expect any of her children to phone regularly, we did purely out of concern & love for her.

 

Having said that, if I don't hear from my children after one day, it means I can spend more time on Answerbank - he he!

 

 

[Smurfie]

At least you do that - Is she on email? Thats a beter way of communicating if you want to speak to her more frequently.

[apricot]

Oops sorry nicola-red I missed your name.  My response wasn't meant to be patronising and I don't have a daughter so I couldn't comment on that.  aaaaab said money wasn't a problem and anyway I said once every 2 weeks was fine for me.  All families are different, I was merely trying to put my point of view which is what I thought we were here to do.

[aaaaaaaab]

Thank you've all been very helpful. Well done, everybody!