What can I do about someone I love?

[TheRhombus]

there is a man(X) I know well and have very strong feelings for X. I feel right when I'm with him and can't imagine someday being with anybody but him. He's intelligent, funny, caring and attractive. there's really no way to put him into text, so I won't. I know he cares about me, but thing is, he's not a pedophile. He's 41 and I'm just barely considered a minor, but yes- still not 18. AND- He's technically my uncle-in-law? that's right. My aunt got married, and her husband has a brother- who's "X." So we're not blood-related but it would still not be okay. It would be disastrous if anybody were to find this out, so nobody knows but me. I can be very good at keeping secrets. it's unreasonable for me to want to pursue this relationship, i know. But i can't make the strong feelings stop. it's been 3 years of this. what can I do wihtout letting anyone know?

[sara3]

he may care about you, but does he have any idea that you think you're in love with him? if he's as nice as you say, ha may "care about" a lot of people..

[sara3]

*he

[emmie]

this sounds like something of a crush as opposed to love, and if you are smitten, is he? he could be flattered at the attention, but he is 41 over twice your age, and think that if this were to go anywhere it might work for a time, but when you are in your 30's he would be getting on a bit.
Is he married though, not sure you said, as that's a definite no no.

[boxtops]

It definitely sounds like a crush, and perfectly normal at your age - older man who are nice to you are very attractive. If he's making no overtures to you, then he probably has no idea that you feel like this about him. No doubt he has his own circle of friends, and if he's single then a lot of older people are very happy that way. There is a huge difference in age which is not so important in twenty years time, but the outlook and understanding of the world in a man of 41 and a teenager are very different. If I were you, I would join clubs and events with prople your own age. You started this crush when you were 15, it sounds as if it's turning into a bit of an obsession and you are not considering any other likely young men. IMO - find something else to occupy your mind. Are you still at school/college? - if you are then things are likely to change when you move away after leaving education. It's good you recognise what you feel, but you are old enough to be able to do something about it, start to move on.

[boxtops]

^^ and PS - you say "disastrous if anyone were to find out" - but from what you say, there is nothing to find out - or is there? - you say you are happy when you are "with him" - I'm just beginning to read more into your post.

[jd_1984]

I would agree with the crush diagnosis.
However, at the time I am sure it feels like something much stronger.
Only on reflection do you tend to realise it wasnt really love!

[boxtops]

I am curious about your comment about his not being a paedophile, which does suggest that you are in some sort of sexual relationship with this man. Of course he's not - you are over 16 now - if you were 15 when a sexual relationship started, then it's a different matter.

[jd_1984]

I too have re-read - kind of glanced at first, its been 3 years and yet you are not yet 18?? The way you defend him about not being a paedophile, suggests a sexual relationship.
I agree that you need to occupy yourself with other interests and do things that others your age are doing. Dont waste those young years, you wont get them back. Trust me, as somebody who has pursued a relationship that on reflection, was never going to amount to anything, you do regret the time and energy that you put in!

[boxtops]

Btw Rhombus - are you in the States? This is a UK website, the age of consent here is 16. I am wondering if it is different where you are.

[jomifl]

What you can do is to get a boyfriend the same age as yourself and get over this crush ASAP. Relationships with such a big age difference rarely succeed in the long term. I know teenage boys are silly, and don't understand girls very well but they do improve with age.

[nohorn]

Here is a different kind of answer, " I would rather be an old man's darling than a young man's slave. " All things are fair in love and war, that doesn't sound too good either. ....just one other kind of insight.

[Hopkirk]

You are going to look back on this when you are older, and cringe.