girlfriend wants abortion, i do not

[jdr6030]

I am in my late 20s and she is in her mid 20s. We have been dating for over a year and have known each other our whole lives. We both have a 4yr old little boy from previous marriages. They are great together and we all get along like a family. We both agreed we wanted to take things slow and do things rite this time around aftercoming out of bad marriages to bad people. We are in love and love each others families. Earlier this week she found out she was pregnant. We were both in shock and Didn plan on this happening now. She is now bringing up, and pretty well decided on aborting due to timing and family and our children we have already. The problem enlies that I do not feel the same. My son was the best thing that ever happened to me and he was not.planned either. With my first child abortion was tried to be forced on us and now makes me sick to think it crossed anyones mind.
I understand and express the same concerns of the situation, but I could never kill my baby no matter the circumstances. Especially not with a women I really love.
She says its not good timing and not fair to our sons and families. I feel that it is an easy way out instead of taking responsibility. I also believe she will deeply regret it and I don think it will ever be the same w us after. I was not expecting this from her. We have discussed both of our feelings and she is still persistent on terminating. I love children and although I Didn want one now, I did want more children.
Plz give me some advice or insight.

[boxtops]

It's a hard call, jdr - but it's her body, only she knows whether she can cope with a baby at the moment.

[ummmm]

As sad as it is...it's her body. She has to carry it, she has to give birth to it. If she's not ready for another one, persuading her to keep it could be much more damaging to your relationship...

[anneasquith]

jd. its very sad reading your post, im assuming your OH is aware of your feelings ? im afraid i have no advice for you, i wishg you both well for the future.

[RATTER15]

I have been in a similar situation, you must allow her to make the decision on this but you must both discuss all aspects fully.

[joeluke]

Unplanned pregnancy

Contraception?

[anneasquith]

joe, dont be harsh please, things happen .

[ummmm]

Contraception is not 100% effective...

[yogi-bear]

Evening jdr6030,

I'm very sorry to hear your problem, but going by what you've said, your girlfriend seems pretty adamant on not having this child, even though you want too.
You say that you've discussed your feelings and, it's that, that you need to concentrate on and convince her, and you too, that the timing is alright and that you will both love this child if she decides to go through and have it.

If she is still strong in her mind that she does'nt want the child, there is'nt too much you can do then, is there? She may discuss it with her family and friends for advice and help, but at the end of the day, it's her that has to decide. And as you say, she may get to regret her decision.

I could say that you could discuss this with a specialist organisation but if this helps why not try it?

I do wish you all the best in this matter and hope all turns out for the best for you both and your two 4 year old sons.:0)

[boxtops]

..and that sort of comment is pointless after the event.

[237SJ]

<< but I could never kill my baby>> Sorry but at this stage it isn`t a baby. <<I feel that is an easy way out>> A woman making a decision to have a termination is never an easy way out. I think you should support your partner in whatever she decides to do.

[boxtops]

^^ that wasn't aimed at yogi, soz - your post wasn't there when I typed it.

[yogi-bear]

No worries, boxy ....my head always gets in the piggin' way :0)

[sherrardk]

This is a really tricky one. I can see both sides of this and have often wondered how I would react if I became pregnant now (dont want anymore children, getting older so the risks would be greater, etc but don't think I could go through with an abortion). If you have tried to get her to change her mind and she is sticking to her guns then you can only be strong and be supportive and understanding. Good luck, and I hope everything works out well for you all.

[Purple_Popple]

Difficult situation from both sides, it is her choice Im afraid, Im sure she is not thinking about this lightly and whatever the outcome it will affect her without a doubt, please just be there for her and support her....I know it is not easy for either of you.

[Prudie]

Presumably you have sat together and she has told you why she doesn't want another child at the moment? Is she working, perhaps she doesn't want to stop, especially as the other two are about time for full-time school or maybe she's just scared? If you knew the reasons it might help you to understand.

[jdr6030]

She was taking birth control. Yes we have discussed each others feelings fully. Yes it is sad. Heatbreaking actually.

[ummmm]

How far gone is she?

[pizza]

Hi jdr I am sorry to read about your situation, and I am sorry as the male partner that you probably feel like you have no say in the matter,but what you do have to look at is the long term situation, if you do pressure your g/f into keeping this baby, this will cause long term problems for you both.
No woman looks lightly on having an abortion,but the effect on a woman having an unwanted baby can cause serious long term post natal depression and that woman can then go on to hate their partner and the baby and ruin what happy family life they had previously.
Cost, bad timing and not fair to the rest of the family members are not an excuse not to keep the baby, who is in this situation through no fault of his/her self
However the cost of a person having an unwanted baby is a price to be paid for a long time to their health and sanity !! Good Luck to you both x

[jdr6030]

I know she is scared. I am scared as well. I am always supportive of her to the fullest. I understand her feelings and worries because I have the same ones. I wish she would talk to someone, but she will not talk to anyone in fear of her reputation or disappointing her family.

[237SJ]

Maybe you could tell your girlfriend to get in touch with the mariestopes. org website. They will offer impartial support.