peoples responses when they have totally and undeniably messed up...and they know it...

[joko]

for me, i would much prefer they just acknowledged it, apologised and promised not to do it again ...

instead you often get -

attempts to defend the indefensible

silly denials - when they are 'bang to rights'

blaming you for 'making them do it'

switching the focus onto other issues

accusing you of having done worse in the past.

sob story.


amongst other transparent, childish and stupid tactics

why bother?
none of that can ever work...it will not solve anything or make the person you have hurt 'let you off' and forget it... and even if they back down in the row, they KNOW you are guilty... you have not 'won'

which one do you do?

[tonyav]

Why do you ask joko, who's upset you.

[cazzz1975]

I normally back down if I am in the wrong

[jake-the-peg]

It's because we all have a self image that tends to portray us in a favourable light.

When you're confronted with irrefutable evidence that you're not the person in that self-image it can be pretty painful and we'll all tend to do almost anything to avoid that confrontation.

What about you? - you've framed this question at other people

are you exactly the person in your self image?
Have you never been caught out?
Or have you confronted this difference head on?

I suspect you're a rare animal if it's the latter!

[Mosaic]

Politicians and footballers who get outed for naughty sexual deeds - wouldn't they garner a bit of symapthy if they simply said 'yes, I done it and it was lovely, but I am very naughty' instead of the bluster?

[ummmm]

Maybe you're over sensitive...!

[jake-the-peg]

Well look at Robin Cook Mosaic

When he knew he was about to be outed with his mistress he held a press conference, told them that his marriage had broken down and he was seeing his secretary (I think it was) and that they were going to get married.

As a result the press found it very hard to stir up scandel on the issue - a great case study in how to handle the press.

[joko]

oh its nothing major, just a bit of a problem, but i have noticed his response on this - and most situations - is like this.... and i just started to wonder why people do this... is it fear, embarassment, angst ..etc

i remember years ago turning round in a pub to see someone sitting with their cigarette on my skirt, burning a hole...i looked at a him and snatched my skirt away... he had spotted it at the same time as me - and he gasped and suddenly said 'it wasnt me'!

ive seen it happen in many situations, and i cant understand why some people need to deny etc at all costs - it just makes them look stupid.

there is no point in lying to someone who knows you are lying...you just look silly

its like a child denying theyve eaten the chocolate - when their mouths are smeared with chocolate

[ummmm]

Maybe you should have gave the scenario first.

[tonyav]

Man U players are good at joko.

[joko]

there have been times in my past that i have denied in order to get out of something... but thats why i now know not to do that...

if i am wrong i will generally hold my hand up to it - thats if i believe i am ...

i am not talking about people who merely disagree here...im talking about irrefutable proof that one person has behaved badly - and they know it inside

[joko]

umm...what scenario?

[joko]

this is not a question about the issue thats happened toda
its just that that sparked me asking the question

that why i didnt mention it...its not what i am asking about

[owdhamer]

A bit deep for a sunday joko

[TWR]

I don't think it's weak to apologize if your in the wrong, do you?

[mike11111]

That reminds me of an incident from my childhood when my mother caught me in the act of smoking. I had quickly disposed of the cigarette, leaving, as I thought at the time, no evidence. When she asked me, "Have you been smoking?" I vigorously shook my head. When she then said, "Does that mean yes or no?" I replied, "No", at the same time releasing a full stream of the remnants of a Woodbine from my mouth!

[ummmm]

Then refer to my first answer.

[joko]

lol mike - i understand kids doing it - they know no better - but adults should have learnt

some people do though TWR...some people cannot bear to be wrong - thye are happy to look like a liar, stupid and cruel though

- as JTP says its fear of looking bad i suppose.

even when some will eventually apologise and admit, they still need to add a bit of blame shifting etc to soften the blow

[Frank97]

I had a similar thing with an exfriend recently, he stole something from a neighbour, when confronted about it at first he denied it, then when that failed he said he thought it was his (in someone else's garden, yea right), then eventually he said he didn't mean to steal it. The more he squirmed the more of an idiot he sounded. Haven't seen him since.

[ttfn]

joko, I agree with your post. As a child I was taught to tell the truth, to own up and to apologise when wrong. I have carried out this ethos through my life. I have always tried to make sure that what I say is correct, carefully chosen vocabulary can be so important. But often I am infuriated by others who fail to grasp the concept of being responsible for what they utter and to back down when circumstances prove they are on the wrong path.

[joko]

no, im not ummm.
as i say i am not talking about just me...my feelings on this are irrelevant ...i am talking about how people repond in general
lots of people do it