Why Is This

[Caribeing]

Why do people react like this. Just recently have had family bereavements and everyone has been sympathetic but when they ask what happened you try to tell them and they all come back with their stories of what happened to family and friends and you come away feeling worse.

[Maydup]

Awww Cari, I do sympathise. I try so hard not to do that myself but however aware I am, I still lapse on a rare occasion. Its something that almost happens without you realising what you're saying I think. Maybe we are empathising subconsciously and showing we understand by offering a similar story. But its no help to you at all.

Could you ask them to forgive you, but you're not up to much in the way of conversation, and wander off before they have finished waffling on.

[boxtops]

It's a difficult one - people often feel the only way of empathising with is to show they've been there, too.

[joko]

i think sometimes when people are presented with a tale of woe, some think sharing a similar tale will make you feel that you are not alone, that many have had similar or worse happen to them - and they all came out the other end ok, so don't worry it will all be ok in time - it is not to make you feel worse
(unless its some graphic account of a terrible accident - then i understand you would feel worse)

but some seem to want to 'outdo' the person, and think by telling them "i've had worse" should make them instantly feel better.
its like saying that what they are upset about is not that bad and they should just 'chin up'.
it implies that whatever the problem is, they should not be acting like they're the only ones its ever happened to
(most people don't act like that at all of course)
but i have noticed some people seem to have a chip on their shoulders about the suffering of others

you know the sort - if you have a broken toe "that's nothing because" they had a broken foot once,
if you have a cold, "that's nothing because" they have flu,
your mum died? "that's nothing because" their mum and dad died years ago.
if you have a sore eye "that's nothing because" they have a tumour -
so their suffering 'outranks' yours and you therefore deserve no sympathy etc.
it seems to be said in a sort of 'yeah well your not the only one whose suffered you know, so just get over it' - which i'd understand if the person was milking it and being unreasonable but most times they are not.

i don't understand this