Why Do Some Women Do This?

[Dantheman98]

So quite a few females that I have known in my life from university and one who I recently worked alongside briefly at a school, are very friendly and talkative in person and then as soon as I sent them a request on social media, it gets rejected. I get that they are obviously entitled to their privacy but as following on social media is a very common thing these days, it kind of makes me feel like they don’t like me for some reason (I don’t mean like me as in romantically but just like me in general). One girl who I requested to follow on Instagram was a girl I went to uni with, very friendly in person when we was at uni and we had good banter, then within five minutes of me sending the request I got a text saying ‘How did you find me on Instagram?’ And the request just got ignored. Thanks

[Dantheman98]

Andy Hughes- I have a right to disagree with what some people say. What some people are saying is factually incorrect. The vast majority of people have way over 100 Facebook friends, and that is on the low scale. What some people on here are saying is that in order to be a friend/follower of a person they wouldn’t want an acquaintance from work for example. Again, this is factually incorrect, most people have their colleagues as friends on social media

[davebro]

So it comes back to what I guess is unpalatable to you - while they won't actually give you the brush off in person (too polite) they really don't like you enough to want you as a friend!

[Dantheman98]

Dave bro- that’s the thing about social media though, most of their ‘friends’ or followers are not really their friends, just people who follow them on social media. Say a person has over 800 followers, which this particular person does, do you think that they are real friends with all those people?

[calmck]

Why is it so important to be accepted on social media sites? What is wrong with in person friendships. Live in the real world.

[Paul22118]

Take the hints M8. Move on.

[davebro]

No - I would guess that lots of people have facebook etc. "friends" that they've never even met, so they don't really know if they would like them or not if they ever did meet them in real life. But the ones you contacted HAVE met you so they have more information on which to base their judgement to accept or not.

[douglas9401]

To avoid rejection and further esteem issues please do not contact me via Facebook.

[naomi24]

Paul22118 at 09.37 has given you the best advice.

[Dantheman98]

Paul- yeah I get the hint but I wanted to know some other perspectives of it. It just to me doesn’t make sense, if someone I knew sent me a request I’d just accept. I don’t get why people who you get on well with in person wouldn’t want you as a friend on social media. We’ve never had a cross word or anything, so it seems strange to me that’s all

[pastafreak]

Is it only women who behave in this way...surely there are loads of men also picking and choosing who they follow or who they will allow to follow them? I'm not on Instagram or fb, but I get the impression there are many who judge their popularity by how many followers they've got. Others...sensibly...choose to be selective.

[Dantheman98]

Pasta freak- yeah but these people who rejected my request have a plethora of followers

[New Judge]

//...but I wanted to know some other perspectives of it.//

Here's one perspective:

"To them, it's much the same as if you turned up uninvited on their front doorstep and knocked on the door."

That's perfectly true. And it illustrates precisely the gross distortion of reality that many people suffer. It's not the same. It's nothing like the same. But so long as people confuse "social media" with reality these things will happen.

There is simply no point in sharing details of your life (and expecting them to reciprocate) with hundreds if not thousands of people on Facebook and the like. The vast majority of these "followers" will have no interest in your affairs at all and it is unlikely you will be interested in theirs. It seems to be a bit like train spotting, trying accumulate as many numbers as possible. Quite why you'd want to link up with them in some way is one of life's great mysteries.

Put Facebook down for a while, engage with real people in real life and then you can see whether other people accept you as friends and if not, why they don't.

[Canary42]

Surely "following" is akin to stalking, and most (all!) women find the latter reprehensible (understandably).

Those who accept are only after "making the highest number of followers" to boast about (which is very sad) and not at all interested in each individual case. Get a real life.

[New Judge]

//Surely "following" is akin to stalking,...//

No it isn't. Stalking is a physical activity which causes distress and, importantly, which the victims cannot easily avoid. "Following" (whatever that might mean) requires those being followed to make themselves known on social media. Once you've done that you cannot be surprised if you get an assortment of freaks, weirdos and other undesirables trying to latch on to you. Stalking victims cannot easily avoid their stalkers. Those not wishing to be followed can. They can either not engage with social media at all or simply ignore any requests they don't like the look of.

Once again, it's the confusion between reality and social media which is causing their problems.

[andy-hughes]

Dan, your response to me simply underlines your chippy hostile attitude.

I have never met you, but I would not want to be friends with you on line or in person.

[ducksie]

I do that to friends because I know them, I don't want them in my cyber space, my online life and my social real life are different, I have a good few 100 followers on my social media platforms that share the same hobbies and interests as me that my close contacts may not so if a local friend wants to ask me anything or go for coffee, that's good and we keep social media out. I don't try follow everyone just because i know them or speak to them a few times a week and I like that they don't do it to me. When I used Fb I used to see people 'friends' with local hotels, garages and all that when really, they are working in a totally different environment and just clocking up 'friends'. I don't even have my family follow me or I follow them, we chat every day, why look at my social media.

[Dantheman98]

Andy Hughes- I don’t want or care to be friends with you

[andy-hughes]

Dan - You have asked for advice from complete strangers who have given up their time to consider your problem and answer you, based on life experience which you lack.

Maybe when you grow up and accept that your sense of entitlement and rudeness means people reject your friendship, you will be a nicer more pleasant person to be around.

In short, you are not coming across as someone your friends want in their lives, and I can't say I blame them.

Two words - grow up.

[Neveracrossword]

Dan, if the women are 'very friendly and talkative in person', why don't you ask them (rather than random strangers) the reason for rejecting you? If I was that friendly with people, I'd feel I could ask such a question.