Rude Behaviour Of Partner’s Grandchildren In Our House?

[Intruth1970]

So I've been with my partner for 12 years and she has two grandchildren who come over to our house once in a while for babysitting.they are 11 and 12 years old now they have this annoying habit of playing in our home even when both their parents are present no will discourage this the other night the kids came over for a few hours and almost the whole time while at our home insisted on throwing our cats toy to each other and not always gently either even when my partner told them to calm down they didn't listen and seem to think they can due as they please my partner won't shout at them and tell them it's rude and disrespectful they now tend to wrestle with each other and practice kick boxing in our living room why are kids at this age behaving like this?there not toddlers who don't know any better.on Mother's Day they and their mother came round and as soon as they got in our house proceeded to mess around again!throwing the cats bird toy which this time was thrown hard enough to knock over my cats water bowl in our living room on top of a cabinet were we keep our land line phone which almost got wet I find this behaviour very strange and I feel It's not my place to tell them off I do like the kids but now they are older seem more defiant and rebellious in front of adults I'm now thinking if my partners daughter wants some one to babysit her kids maybe not at our house but hers feel stuck in the middle what should I do?

[douglas9401]

Use paragraphs?

[andy-hughes]

It absolutely is your place to tell them off if they are misbehaving in your house.

Their parents probably feel embarrassed to tell them off in front of you, the children have realised this, and are exploiting it, because that is what children do.

The next time they are naughty, tell them to behave, in the way you told your own child/children.

I suspect the parents will not speak up.

If they do, say you will not tolerate disrespect in your own home.

Either the children learn to behave in your house, or they are not welcome to visit.

Hopefully it won't come to that.

All children are as naughty as they are allowed to be. So let them know that you don't allow it.

They will get the message, and harmony will be restored. 

[ToraToraTora]

too late I'm afraid, you have to set the rules out at the start. I'd have thrown them threw the window!

[bookbinder]

You have clearly been too tolerant up to now. It is now time to put your foot down, and say what you think about this behaviour. Someone has been far too tolerant, and that someone should face up to the disrespectful behaviour of these children. If nobody else will say anything, then it's up to you to put a stop to this unseemly behaviour. Only you can do it, so - do it! 

[Gizmonster]

////  Use paragraphs?  ////

And punctuation??

No offence, but I found that hard work to read and gave up part way through  :(

[Barsel]

You said in your post last November that you moved in with her and gave up your own place.

It must be very difficult to move in with someone who has their own way of doing things and trying to fit in with it.

It's her daughter, her grandchildren, her house, not yours, and you have to decide if you might get used to living like this or if you would prefer to move out.

You don't have to break up, but perhaps it might be more suitable for you to live on your own and meet up for dates etc.

 

[Hazlinny]

I wonder if they act like that in their own home?  

[jourdain2]

Paragraphs etc. would help, but I slogged my way through this.

These children need to learn to respect others' wishes and standards.  You are in a difficult position as it is not your house, but you have to have a word  with your partner when the children are not there and agree on rules. 

I'd have gone barmy and adopted my 'Teacher Voice' (it works).  You are not doing them any favours by being indulgent to their misbehaviour.  They need to know the parameters.

They are way out of line.  Again, discuss this with your partner. Either you agree on a tolerance level (personally I'd line the kids up and tell them what you will not tolerate, or else they go and sit in the car, but that is not everyone's method) or you agree that you need to be absent during  their visits and that you will return to an orderly home. 

You are in the right of it.  BIG question is 'Why won't your partner agree to normal disciplinary standards?'

[barry1010]

You could always go out when the grandchildren are there.  If you've only been living there a few months you'll be on very thin ice criticising the grandchildren 

[douglas9401]

Chaotic lifestyles are a law unto themselves and won't be influenced by those living relatively humdrum lives.

The phrase 'I have a right...' isn't far away I'll bet.

I'm making more than one assumption of course.

[jourdain2]

Thank you for B.A, Intruth1970, good luck.  :)

[FoxLee2]

I ploughed through your long post and nowhere did I read that your partner or you were doing anything to interact with the grandchildren. Do you have any games in the house? Board games, card games even something like Twister to use up some of their energy.  It seems like with nothing else on offer they are making up their own entertainment with the cat's toy.  I have two grandsons of 13 and 15 and they come round after school on two different days each week and we play Uno Spin, Yahtzee, Dobble, Canasta, poker, pontoon, so many different games. Sometimes they both come round and they can get a little bit silly and wind each other up but we let them know we're not happy with the way they're behaving.

[Maydup]

They do it because they are bored so try making them the centre of attention when they arrive and provide an activity or two. 
 

Then if they mess about you can ask them not to.

Only terrified children will come in and sit down quietly not moving until it's time to go.