Not holding doors open.

[winny]

I apologise if this sounds ageist but it makes me mad. As the owner of a pushchair I find that it is always the old people who let go of doors to slam on my daughters feet. Yet it is the same old people who claim the youngsters have no respect. I have also found that they rarely thank you for holding doors for them.

[B00]

I know im going to be under flak for this one but I've found our beloved OAP's to be the rudest generation we have.

[winny]

Thanks Boo I think that was what I was trying to say really.

[mibn2cweus]

As regrettable and disheartening as your all too typical experience has been, and as justified as your condemnation is on behalf of the inconsideration you have witnessed toward your beloved daughter; all the same we must never forget that it is by focusing our attention on the exception rather than the rule that we foster and promote positive changes in trends that those who care enough to honor the best in us and among us appreciate and deserve the most. We must be willing to sift through the dirt, wherein lies the fallacy of prejudice, to find the gems. No individual deserves to be automatically relegated to the ranks of the worst members of a group they have no power to disavowal themselves from.

It is in bringing your rightful dissatisfaction with the status quo to the attention of the world at large and illuminating the deplorable nature of such inappropriate behavior that the seeds of change are sown; for this I offer my thanks and condolence.

[Goodsoulette]

I find that the older generation fall into one of 2 categories, either bloody lovely or bloody ignorant and oddly enough my grandparents split equally into each category. My 80 yr old grandad would still offer you help up the stairs with your buggy, yet my granny oooohhhh dont get me started.

I have a seriously disabled cousin and its always the old people that kindly inform me she should be in a home, and that she shouldnt be out in public. I always ask them when they are going in a home cause I dont like seeing the over 65s out in town either.

[Goodsoulette]

also it has to be said that there is good and bad in every age category. I would genuinely like to know why the early buses into town are always filled with OAPS when they have all day off?

[Eve]

I think it does depend on the person but it has always amazed me just how rude and ignorant some people can be.

I think working in a supermarket proved that beyond all doubt. One of the worst I heard was a lady with young child who pointed at my friend (who like many of us there were working there to help finance our degrees) loudly remarking to her daughter that that is how she'd end up if she didn't work hard at school!!!

Working on the checkouts was better than on the deli counter where you'd rarely get a please or a thank you, or even a "can I have" and would often get people banging on the counter, whistling or clicking at me to attract my attention, what's wrong with a polite excuse me.

I had an elderly gentleman come sit by me in a cafe once and started chatting to me, I politely chatted back then he asked me when the diet was starting (I was all of a size 12) because no man would want to walk down the aisle with some fat bird!!!

Another one was a girl who was walking along chatting away on a mobile. I was stood with a cigarette and she walked up to me and just stood there still chatting away, I figured she may be about to ask for a light so I got one out and she took it from me, lit her cig, gave it back and walked out without so much as even looking me in the eye or pausing in her conversation. I was just gobsmacked!

Sometimes I wish I wasn't quite as polite in order to let them have a piece of my mind.

[winny]

I like to consider myself a nice person. I once complimented a brown owl on the behaviour or her brownies in a long queue and she nearly fell on the floor as I had not complained.
I regulally compliment mothers on their toddlers behaviour in stressfull situations. I think everyone complains and no one compliments any more. I am sorry to all the nice old people out there but maybe the obnoxious ones can think on.

[Hugh Spencer]

I am an OAP and have been for many years. I think you should say to the person who let the door swing back on to your wheelchair "Thank you" in a very loud voice.
Also, when you hold the door open for somebody and they don't acknowledge your thoughtfulness, do the same thing, "Thank you" in a loud voice.

[winny]

Hi Hugh I was hoping you would not take offence to my post as I firmly believe you do not fit into the obnoxious catagory. I have read many of your answers and they are all most helpful and well rounded. You are a great ABer. Thanks I will try that maybe it will shame them into being helpful another time.

[joko]

i find its the young and the old - the in betweens are the best.

the worst id when you hold the door for one person and they walk through instead of taking hold of the door, and then another person follows, then another and you end up holding it for several people and still haven't gone through yourself.

and when they leisurely stroll through, i often shout your welcome when this happens. sometimes i say, this is not my job you know.

[saxy_jag]

I was once out with two of my learning disabled (but still fairly streetwise), teenage charges, teaching them how to use a particular bus route. This was mid-morning so, when the bus drew up, the only people at the bus stop were the three of us, plus an elderly gent who'd arrived there at exactly the same time.

I didn't even need to say anything to the kids about allowing him to board first, they just stood back automatically because at our school, we taught manners all the time. However, the old gent stood back himself and said, "No. You were here first. Plenty of room for all of us." He went on to say that he thought too many of his generation go on about their automatic right to respect. "And that b____y war stuff," he said. "Yes, I did fight a war, but I did it because I had to and not because I wanted anything back for it."

We had a lovely journey, the kids and me and this old chap nattering away, and all because both generations actually showed a bit of respect for the other - it wasn't one-sided.

[Panic Button]

What a fantastic answer saxy jag. You have lightened my evening

[Eve]

That is lovely Saxy Jag :) I used to do a lot of volunteering with the severely disabled and the mixed reactions from people were an eyeopener even abuse from people while doing chairy collecting! From rudeness in letting doors slam and not giving room to get wheelchairs and such and staring through to crossing the street to avoid us and taking their kids away when the guests tried to talk to them.

I remember leaving a major department store once after taking a lady in to buy some perfume as a present. The lady refused to speak to her and kept addressing me and despite a number of times asking her to speak to the lady as it was her buying the perfume we left.

Another time I took a young lady with advanced Huntingtons to a tourist attraction in Blackpool and she had a choking fit and being unable to clear her throat I had to and everyone just stood and stared, not one person asked if we were ok and wanted any help. The staff were most unhelpful and we had to put up with some horrible staring while I fed her in the cafe.

Still, we went to Freeport shopping village and took a number of guests for a coffee one Christmas Eve and the staff were fantastic letting us arrange the tables so we could get all guests in wheelchairs in comfortably and round one table with us volunteers An older gentleman sitting near asked me if I was having a good Christmas and I said I was then he quietly came over and slipped me a �20 note and said to buy everyone what they wanted. A real heartwarming moment.

[saxy_jag]

I've had ups and downs like that too, Jenna. We once took a man to a local market, who couldn't see, and couldn't hear very much, either. Met with the relatively new stimulus of the market, his reaction was to holler and whoop like an Apache indian - not sure whether it was joy or not, but we knew he wasn't distressed. One of the stall holders began to ape him - it was really embarrassing for all of us and made people stare even more.

We were walking away when an old lady came up to us and said, "People like him shouldn't be allowed out in public!" I was about to give her a mouthful, when she went on, "and I'm going to report him to the market inspector, and I'll jolly well make sure he never trades here again." She meant the stallholder, of course and actually, we didn't see him again.

Then, of course, there was the pub landlord whom we once asked did he mind us going along when the place was crowded, because our charges didn't always have nice table manners and often took up a lot room. "Makes no difference to me," he said. "Their money's as good as anyone else's. If people don't like it, they can always go somewhere else, I'm not exactly short of custom."

[Cheekystar]

I agree in some ways but have also been the target of pram rage where pushchair owners have rammed into me to make me get out of the way, rather than asking me nicely to move. The pavement can be big enough for us all if we all learn to share

[luna-tic]

I suppose the scales are balanced as much for those either young or elderly where lack of respect, rudeness, good manners and so on are not taught as those who are.
Similar to Jenna1978, I once worked in a large store and found the measure of old and young could be just as rude as each other.
I may sound like a grumpy old bloke myself but find things like shop assistants that find it impossible to say thankyou or put the goods or money in your hand instead of throwing it on the counter. Young girls with pushchairs nattering away and taking up the whole path, forcing myself onto the grass verge as I walk past.
It can be a question of upbringing or individuals that feel it is their right to treat others as inferior or having no humanly worth.

[saxy_jag]

Luna-tic, what you said reminds me of that scene from Only Fools and Horses:

Del and Rodney at the checkout. Surly cashier gives him his change without saying a word.

Del: Thank you, luv. Did you sue 'em?

Cashier: Who?

Del: The charm school.

[luna-tic]

Hello saxy_jag, I remember the episode with fondness and it's a great comical example of something that is very real in society today.I was brought up to always be polite,say thank you and please, hold doors open etc but after you encounter so many people with not one iota of decency it tends to sway the decision to not be as courteous in the future but then I'd be just as bad as them which is not in my nature.

[StudentGal]

I have to say, after many years servitude behind a customer services desk, that I never had one angry or rude OAP as a customer. They were always lovely and hence I always gave them the refund even when i shoudln't have. However, all the rude and nasty people didn't get their refunds, even when they should have. I was always very polite in declining them their loud and angry request though :) That was my attempt at dishing out Karma :D

[Bohne]

Different country, but still my observations:

People working in shops often seem to watch me struggle with stroller and posssibly rucksack to open a door, into their shops.
Hello, ever heard of customer care?
People from my office building often let doors close on me, eight months pregnant with a laptop in one hand and a bag in the other.
Some people standing at a bus stop watched me recently stuggling with the stroller down the steps of the bus, ignoring me, and continuing their conversations.

Not particularly noticed elderly people doing this.
I think it's just a sign of our thoughtless times...