Do you want children?

[Hazel104]

Hello all
I personally do not want children and have luckily found a partner who does not either. Saying that he does have a child that I completely love and adore but do not wish to have my own and have always felt this way.

Part or our reasoning is we do not want to bring a child into this world as we
feel it is a much more dangerous and unfriendly world we live in now coupled with the environmental issues that our children will have to face later in life,
it just seems a very unfair thing to do to another human being!
Am I being over dramatic and it's not really as bad as all that but we have access to higher levels of news/information than before, mainly bad news with nothing to give us a sense of there being good things and people in this world?

Also we can not afford to have child of our own and I think it is just irresponsible to go ahead and have a child you can not afford as you cannot offer them everything they deserve.

Basically I'm asking does anyone else share these opinions or do you have
Another take on have children?

[Abdulmajid]

I agree with you but for different reasons.

Children simply do not get me gooey like they do with some people (incl. men!!)

On the whole they smell, ruin your house and cost a bomb. For the first few years one will lose sleep, endure crappy nappies and have their house transformed in to a play pen.

And all that coochie coochie coo buisness is most nauseating.

[4getmenot]

I would love children but alot off factors involved in wether I can have them with the man I love.

[karmgirl]

I would love to have children although like you I do worry whether it is selfish to bring a child into this world with all the violence and environmental issues etc.

[Tom Braider]

There are still good things and good people in the world, and I think there always will be. But there's no way to deny that bad times are coming. I applaud your decision, Hazel. If only everybody in the world considered children in the same way...

[Hazel104]

That made me laugh Abdulmajid, it's that as well if I'm brutally honest! Do you find people don't believe when you say you do not want children - "you�ll change your mind one day they say" no, no I really will not!

Sorry to hear that 4getmenot, I do feel for you it must be heartbreaking for you both, but I can not relate to your need to have children I'm afraid.

[Hazel104]

Thank you Tom, it is a tough decision. I know it will be hard enough for the little one in my life already, I think that finally helped me decide once and for all.

[China Doll]

I'm 50/50 on it. My ex and I had talked about having them in a few years time but obviously he's now an ex. I liked the idea of having children with him.

However, I've never been in another relationship where I've considered it a valid option and I've certainly no burning desire for them at present.

[Hazel104]

True, and that is exactly how I feel about my partners son (9 as well).

I was going to ask if you would have anther child now,
but you answered that by offering your services to China Doll ;-)

I�m not denying the joy of children can bring to your life but a part of me believes we should be looking after the ones we have in the world already. I have thought about adoption/fostering, but as I say financially that is not an option at the moment.

So interesting.........

[Caribeing]

I wouldn't be without my family, but everyone to their own choice! None to make you laugh! None to make you cry!

[Octavius]

I think that the decision you have made sounds right for you, although you appear to feel the need to justify that decision. You don�t really its personal choice and I admire your resolution to that choice.

One thing though, is that the world and its future has always been full of violence and impending doom. In fact, we currently live in an era that is the least violent in human history � if you can believe that! The world was always going to end, missile crisis, IRA and terrorism, nuclear/3rd world war etc. If your parents and mine had really thought about it in the same way, maybe we would never be here to have such a profound impact on those around us and Answerbank!

Also, you never know, your offspring could evolve to be that one person in the world who could solve global warming, find the cure for cancer or end world poverty, or just make someone else forever happy by just being them.

[Abdulmajid]

........................"someone who could change the world! "

Triggers, I wonder if Mrs Hitler, Mrs Hussain, Mrs Pots, Mrs Amin, Mrs Gadaffi, Mrs Stalin or Mrs Church (Charlottes mother) had the same notion??

[cazzz1975]

well if you dont want children, then you dont want children, adopted or otherwise, its a lifestyle choice that a lot of women make.

personally if I didnt want children I would not be thinking about whether I could afford to have one or whether I should adopt.

I would not want to because I would have no desire to have a child, Im confused as to whether you do not want children(adopted or otherwise) or whether you cant afford to have children so therefore your delaying the decision?

[mccfluff]

your not on your own i've never wanted kids. i had a partner who had a small child and i didn't like that either and was part of the reason we broke up (nothing wrong with the kid, i just don't want to be a parent). my current partner has two grown up kids, who i've never met and that seems to be working ok lol

[Hazel104]

Octavious
I think you have hit the nail on the head! I have made my decision and I am using AB as a way to justify (to myself primarily) and come to terms with my decision. I admit I am hitting 30 very soon so I am taking a good hard look at myself and my life!

However

Cazzz
I have no desire to HAVE children of my own of that I am certain. But I would not rule out adopting etc at a later stage in my life, a bit of a juxtapose but human emotions are never clear cut are they?

Ok so enough about me � I am genuinely interested in everyone else opinions on this.

Thank you all!

[mibn2cweus]

Perhaps the one decision in life more important than the choice not to have a child is the choice to have one, a decision which puts directly in your hands the fate of no less than one other human being.

I chose early in life not to have children as the parenting skills of my parents were less than admirable, a wise choice as I have yet to acquired the necessary skills to do so adequately. I know this for a fact because I have inadvertently been allocated with the task of attempting to raise a child I would not wish on my worst enemy . . . my self! ;o)

[naomi24]

(Mibs, pop into the Sanctuary - sorry Hazel.)

Hazel, I understand completely the thought of not wanting to bring a child into this less than perfect world. I don't think you're being over-dramatic if that's how you feel. Also, you're clearly thinking responsibly by considering the financial implications of raising a child - something that many don't do.

It's true to say that what you never have, you never miss, so the only question you have to ask yourself is will you regret your decision in later life?

Incidentally, someone as thoughtful as you would probably make a great mum - but I'm not trying to influence you either way. I didn't really want children, but things don't always go to plan, and although I have no regrets, I do worry for the future.