ChatterBank1 min ago
Public Displays Of Grief.
19 Answers
The thread above is so sad, and I truly feel for the hurt inflicted by morons, by them rubbing poison into the raw emotions of bereaved people.
My view on public displays of grief, however, is that although it is up to the individual, I personally would want my grieving to be done in private.
It seems a bit tacky to me, to see teddy bears, football scarves, as well as the floral tributes, tied to railings and lamp posts to commemorate the departed in such a public manner.
I think it is more dignified to keep ones mourning within the home.
I hope you do not think me callous saying this, but such displays often attract the hypocritical element, and also leave the bereaved vulnerable to the disrespectful yobs.
My sympathies go out to Dot and her son, but it could have been avoided by not going public.
These comments are made with the greatest of respect.
Do you agree with me?
My view on public displays of grief, however, is that although it is up to the individual, I personally would want my grieving to be done in private.
It seems a bit tacky to me, to see teddy bears, football scarves, as well as the floral tributes, tied to railings and lamp posts to commemorate the departed in such a public manner.
I think it is more dignified to keep ones mourning within the home.
I hope you do not think me callous saying this, but such displays often attract the hypocritical element, and also leave the bereaved vulnerable to the disrespectful yobs.
My sympathies go out to Dot and her son, but it could have been avoided by not going public.
These comments are made with the greatest of respect.
Do you agree with me?
Answers
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Theland 1....my sentiments entirely, it is often the case that the deceased would not want grief aired in public, but clearly they do not have a say in the matter.
Often, a grand display of aired grief in public is an attempt to the next of kin to say "Look how popular he was, he will be sorely missed, when in fact he or she will soon be forgotten except for close family and friends.
Often, a grand display of aired grief in public is an attempt to the next of kin to say "Look how popular he was, he will be sorely missed, when in fact he or she will soon be forgotten except for close family and friends.
I think the frightening thing about this type of infectious public display of grief, (eg Diana and Jade Goody"
is how easy the press and and so called "PR" agents can whip up mass public over- reaction which can then be manipulated by governments or other agencies.
I entirely agree with you Theland. I have never understood why people seem to feel the need to make this public display with someone they have never met, other than through the media.
I suppose it could be a throwback to some group or herd behaviour.
is how easy the press and and so called "PR" agents can whip up mass public over- reaction which can then be manipulated by governments or other agencies.
I entirely agree with you Theland. I have never understood why people seem to feel the need to make this public display with someone they have never met, other than through the media.
I suppose it could be a throwback to some group or herd behaviour.
This whole display event is quite a new feature, being about 25yrs old and is a reflection of a exhibitionist society.
First of all there was the vision of a bl00dy stupid stork in the garden of a family who had just had a baby with the logo
"Wayne arrived today, weight 7lbs"
Then another, which I am glad has not taken off, pictures stuck on trees on route of a person with,
"!8yrs old today or Mary 18yrs old"
For Pete's sake...who cares?
I despair, but there again I have "old fashioned" values and ideas.
First of all there was the vision of a bl00dy stupid stork in the garden of a family who had just had a baby with the logo
"Wayne arrived today, weight 7lbs"
Then another, which I am glad has not taken off, pictures stuck on trees on route of a person with,
"!8yrs old today or Mary 18yrs old"
For Pete's sake...who cares?
I despair, but there again I have "old fashioned" values and ideas.
Old fashioned? I call it a refusal to ditch common sense.
Jamie Bulger was murdered just a quarter mile from my parents home, and his lat fateful journey with his murderers took him just ten yards past my parents front door. As grief stricken as they were, as was the whole community, they did not even visit the site nearest to where the body was found, out of respect for the lad and his famiy,
Undoubtedly, the murderers visited the site, along with the moronic masses who sought only to get their gobs on camera.
Jamie Bulger was murdered just a quarter mile from my parents home, and his lat fateful journey with his murderers took him just ten yards past my parents front door. As grief stricken as they were, as was the whole community, they did not even visit the site nearest to where the body was found, out of respect for the lad and his famiy,
Undoubtedly, the murderers visited the site, along with the moronic masses who sought only to get their gobs on camera.
But there's nothing new about this. Visit any old graveyard and the elaborate tombs of the wealthy are all around you. Memorials to soldiers, politicians and royals can be seen all over the country, especially in London. The only different thing is that ordinary people now think their loved ones are just as worthy of remembrance as the now forgotten heroes who line Trafalgar Square.
Sure, you can avoid insult to the dead by never mentioning their names in public, just as you can avoid being run over by not going out of your house. But the question is: why should you have to?
Sure, you can avoid insult to the dead by never mentioning their names in public, just as you can avoid being run over by not going out of your house. But the question is: why should you have to?
Put your flowers on a grave I feel.
I can understand in the immediate aftermath the notion of placing reefs etc on the spot were it happened but not anniversaries and the like.
I posted a while that we could have a national day of mourning for road accident victims, the sight of so many memorials would do much more to focus the mind I believe.
I saw in London a while ago a teenager was stabbed to death outside someone's house, so his friends wrote their memorials all over their garden wall, classy.
I can understand in the immediate aftermath the notion of placing reefs etc on the spot were it happened but not anniversaries and the like.
I posted a while that we could have a national day of mourning for road accident victims, the sight of so many memorials would do much more to focus the mind I believe.
I saw in London a while ago a teenager was stabbed to death outside someone's house, so his friends wrote their memorials all over their garden wall, classy.
I sympathise with those left behind in any circumstances, but do the people who leave these tributes at the roadside for maybe years give any thought at all to the other victims of the event?
My mate was first on the scene at a car crash outside his house, and he saw some dreadful sights. He did all he could but there were deaths. He believes in time he would have come to terms with it, but he had to sell his house as he couldn't stand the flowers on the lamp post outside his house many months after. He felt they were almost accusing him.
These accidents affect many people,some of who don't want a constant reminder.
Extravagent headstones and memorials in a churchyard or burial ground are a different matter altogether. They are usually paid for by the family and are a private matter.
As for the Diana/Jade show of grief, it is sheer self indulgence on the part of those weeping and wailing over a total stranger.
Leave the mourning to the loved ones, and stop muscling in.
My mate was first on the scene at a car crash outside his house, and he saw some dreadful sights. He did all he could but there were deaths. He believes in time he would have come to terms with it, but he had to sell his house as he couldn't stand the flowers on the lamp post outside his house many months after. He felt they were almost accusing him.
These accidents affect many people,some of who don't want a constant reminder.
Extravagent headstones and memorials in a churchyard or burial ground are a different matter altogether. They are usually paid for by the family and are a private matter.
As for the Diana/Jade show of grief, it is sheer self indulgence on the part of those weeping and wailing over a total stranger.
Leave the mourning to the loved ones, and stop muscling in.
Victims become heroes, but what a sad one-off. Little Johnny may have been a drug-touting scumbag, but once he gets knifed then suddenly the whole place explodes with his sanctity, he played in the 3rd team at football, he wouldn't have hurt a fly, and all the rest of it.
Get stabbed, first step to beatification.
Get stabbed, first step to beatification.
The whole concept of mourning is a very personal thing, and something we in the "civilised" west have not really come to terms with.
I have not visited either of my parents' places of rest since the day their ashes were scattered, but that does not make me a heartless person, there's hardly a day goes by when I do not think of them.
I have not visited either of my parents' places of rest since the day their ashes were scattered, but that does not make me a heartless person, there's hardly a day goes by when I do not think of them.
Agree with jason.p grief is "private" and everyone's memory of the deceased is quite different (even siblings have very different memories of a late parent) This "show" mourning probably owes more to rich Victorians that anyone else. We live - we die and what we leave behind should only be that people have gained something from our being in the first place.
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