Couples who refuse to get married

[david51058]

Why is it there are some couple who refuse point blank to get married? I have nothing against unmarried couples, I just don't understand their reasoning. They live together for years but don't make the commitment to each other by getting married. The usual line is that they don't need a piece of paper to be committed to each other. Why not just do it, especially if they have children? It's not difficult. What is the problem?
It strikes me that the real reason is they are not 100% sure and want to leave the door ajar just in case it all goes wrong and if they are not married it will be easier to escape. The fact that they have had children which most people would think is the ultimate commitment seems not to have any bearing on the matter.

[LoftyLottie]

RedHelen. My thoughts on marriage are not because of my age, but because of economics and practicalities. My son lives with his girlfriend, as do most of the young people I know, but I can see the hastle they have to go through to protect their interests. Marriage seems simpler. I have no other issues about it whatsoever.

[LoftyLottie]

Agree with you Eth.

Even my Auntie who is in her mid 80's has no problem with the fact that all her grandchildren now live with their partners, and even accepts quite happily the lesbian partnership of one of them. My Mum (sadly departed) had no issues with it either. She lived quite happily with someone after the death of my Dad!! She was about 68 when they got together!!!

[ganesh]

If marriage is the ultimate committment then how come you have been married twice?It's not a question of leaving the door ajar is it?-anyone can get divorced.If you like being married that's fine but you should respect others who for whatever reason,don't want to or feel the need to.

[ethandron]

i'm glad your mum found some happiness after your dad's death lottie. i know i would never marry again should it happen to me, particularly in old age. doubt anyone would put up with me anyway to be honest :o
when does middle age change to old age? think i'm going to stay middle aged until i reach 80.

[david51058]

Redhelen - Why do people who have lived happily together for many years suddenly split up after getting married? Why would that simple ceremony cause a split? Surely there must have been something wrong before hand. Are you saying they would be still together if they hadn't got married? Why? It doesnt make any sense.

[david51058]

Interesting debate but I stand by what I said. People live together, have children then when asked when are they getting married, it's "oh we not ready for that yet". To which my answer woule be, if you're not ready for the commitment of marraige then you're not ready for children either.

[Old_Geezer]

Maybe it's a matter of misinterpretation. They said they weren't ready to go through a ceremony, not that they weren't ready for a committed relationship (which many unmarried couples will already be in). You seem to be imposing you viewpoint of how things should be on others, and interpreting their response accordingly.

[PipinHull]

Having children is something that all cultures do. Getting married is not. Marriage is 'made up'. It's a socially constructed thing. Some people know it would add nothing to their relationship. There is a historic element to it - a woman being 'given' from one man to another - that many people find uncomfortable. By using language like 'refuse to get married' you make it sound like a duty, such as paying council tax. I personally recognise no such duty.

[ganesh]

Nicely put,Pippinhull,and totally agree.

[JonnyBoy12]

Man is incomplete until he is married, then he is finished!

[cazzz1975]

old geezer is spot on!

[jomifl]

As Pasta mentioned earlier the legal consequenes of not being married can be far more serious than most people imagine. Unless there is a will, any children of the deceased will inherit instead of the partner. If there is a will the inheriting partner will have to pay tax on the value of the inherited estate( on an average house about £50,000)A partner will not receive a widow(er)s pension in many occupational pension schemes. A partner will not have any say in medical treatment if relatives of unconcious partner don't want him/her to, nor will they have right of access to the unconcious partner. The cost of a marriage license could save a lot of money and heartache. You have been warned.

[4getmenot]

I would happily have kids but can take or leave marriage. My excuse wouldnt be I wasnt ready for it, my reason would be 'what difference does it really make to my happiness....erm non I'm happy enough thanks

[ganesh]

jom..you're right and that's why we want the same legal rights because the law is stupid.However,most people do have a will,especially if there are kids,most of us have personal pensions now,and inheritance tax is only payable after £325,000 so your'e not quite right about the 'average'house.I do agree with you though and it means for financial and legal reasons we all have to go through a stupid ceremony that we don't really want to do,and that we don't agree with,when wer'e quite happy and personally committed toeach other anyway. Change the laws and we won't have to bother!

[askyourgran]

Getting married was what we expected to do in my generation - marriage then children. It was the decent thing to do, religion played a bigger part in our lives. There wasn't much divorce, indeed the local newspapers used to have a column listing the divorces, nowadays there would need to be half a newspaper. I think it is a matter of respect for each other and belief that your union is blessed by God, and the births of your children are supported in that belief by being Christened. No one cares nowadays, no respect and very little religion, which is a great shame for our future. when I believe the stronger more dominant religions will take over our country. Weddings do not need to be expensive......... aka BFGW.

[welshlibranr]

I think that as long as they are happy with this arrangement, and they take care of their offspring, then there is not a problem!..........their choice!..............

[4getmenot]

what if I am not religious gran? Would you still expect me to get married and be a hypocrite ? one reason I will never christen my children either

[ganesh]

If you believe in God then of course it's the right thing to do for you but if you don't then it should be up to you.As you say the divorce rate is so high now that you could say that 'marriage'doesn't work or mean what it did in those days.It's not that people don't care,I care very much which is why I am still faithfully with the same person after 32 years.I also love my children very much.I just don't believe in God and certainly won't pretend to,and I don't believe in 'marriage' either.you should not look down on me morally for that.