Is this hypocrisy ?

[modeller]

I recently attended a wake for a humanist friend of mine. He was buried in a woodland trust burial ground . There was no service only a 5 minute saying goodbye at the grave. Many of his friends attended of various beliefs and none.

However there was one notable exception the one person who was most associated with a church. He and his wife are closely linked to their church at all levels from supplying all the flowers, playing the organ and preparing the sermons. but they couldn't bring themselves to attend a non religious service.

To put it mildly it was an unchristian act. The deceased widow was understandably upset that someone who she considered a close friend could be so unfeeling.

Can anyone justify this lack of compassion ?

[woofgang]

doing a bit devils advocate here but if they believe (as some do, not me) that the person in question was bound straight for hell because of his beliefs, they might have been genuinely too upset to attend. What church are they? one where the priest needs his sermons prepared is deffo not mainstream....

[Flyhalf]

Nothing changes. Many years back, I wanted to attend a cousin's wedding in a Presbyterian church. I copped a lot of grief from other (Catholic) parishioners, and eventually asked the Parish Priest, who said if I wanted to go, there was no objection.
Some people simply have blinkers on, and can't see the bigger picture. So, I think it is misguided rather than hypocritical.

[modeller]

They are C of E and surely many/most people attend funerals to give comfort to the family . It's only partly to say goodbye to the deceased.

And if, as you suggest, they believe he was going straight to hell wouldn't that be even mere reason to attend to try to save his soul.

[ludwig]

// Can anyone justify this lack of compassion ? //

No. It wasn't a service of a different or contradictory religion, it was simply a burial with no religious content.

There's no excuse.

[Clanad]

So... my lightning fast mind can't get around your set of facts and conclusion: A five minute, non-religious burial ("goodbye") wasn't attended by a religious couple and their being criticized for an act of supposed hypocrisy based solely on being religious? Unique concept...

You haven't included any context... perhaps they were a comfort during the "humanists" (read, atheist) lifetime?

There's hypcorisy here, but it's ill-placed, in my opinion...

[vulcan]

A unique concept? hardly. Even if these people were a comfort during the deceased lifetime, and I can imagine the sort of comfort they would be giving, a little humanity doesn't go amiss. We were humans long before religion appeared.

[MarkRae]

When they get to heaven St Peter will note that they turned their backs on the family of their deceased 'friend' in their hour of need and 'walked by on the other side'. At that point, he'll pull the lever - tell them that...

[Clanad]

The "humanity" may well have been expressed quite thoroughly prior to the death... we don't know from the set of circumstances. However, since they well knew the deceased's belief about the here-after, they may have seen no reason to intrude since everyone (apparently) was aware of their beliefs... just saying they're being condemned for a non-christian act by ... well... non-Christians. That is a unique concept, no?

[vulcan]

One expects non-christian acts from non-christians, not from christians.

[Clanad]

So... if everyone else who were close to the family but not Christian hadn't come they would have been forgiven, right? Thanks for making my point!

[jomifl]

I think it is quite in order for non-christians to criticize christians for non-christian acts ie. hypocrisy. However in this case I imagine they were confused as their rule book didn't tell them what to do so they did nothing.

[woofgang]

I am still confused by a c of e church whose vicar doesn't prepare his own sermons..........

[modeller]

I don't know woofgang re-the sermons but I was told that by the man's wife, at a private party, when the vicar and the man were in a huddle discussing the words of the next sermon.

[vulcan]

Clanad, if your point was that these christians stayed away at a time when their friend needed them, I'm glad I helped you make it.

[modeller]

clanad I don't know what you can't understand everyone else did , however let me clarify the situation .
#"humanists" (read, atheist) lifetime?#
Point one Humanists are not Atheists in fact my friend described himself as an Agnostic.
Atheists don't believe in any God. Some humanists believe there may be something else. Agnostics say they cant prove it one way or the other. Others believe there may be an e.g an immortal soul .

A couple of points The wake ( music and refreshments ) lasted 2 hours and was attended by 50 or more friends. The burial part was only 5 minutes.
The religious couple did not attend at all. They were close friends of the deceased and most people expected them to attend and were puzzled by their absence.

[Clanad]

Thanks, modeller[i, but you haven't clarified anything. How can the non-attendees be described as "close friends of the deceased" and not have a history of acting as such... caring, perhaps taking in meals at the time of death, etc. The other attendees were "puzzeled by their absence", indicating that no one knows why they weren't there and only attribute their actions as "hypocrisy" out of their own apparent predjudices. Maybe someone could ask them why they didn't attend, or is that not reasonable? (They could have had a death in their own family, for one).
By the way, the U.S. based [i]iHumanism] site describes humanism as "Humanism believes in a naturalistic metaphysics or attitude toward the universe that considers all forms of the supernatural as myth; and that regards Nature as the totality of being and as a constantly changing system of matter and energy which exists independently of any mind or consciousness." Sounds fairly atheistic to me, but, hey... what would I know.
I do find it strange, though, that while describing the service as "non-religious" and focusing on the only non-attendees who were known Christians, you then attempt to ameliorate the "humanist" description. You also initially described the "service" as "no service"... "only a 5 minute saying goodbye at the grave"... so I'm further confused (not hard to do, I admit) by your now stating there was a wake for 2 hours. So, why so quick to charge "hypocrisy"?

[naomi24]

//they couldn't bring themselves to attend a non religious service. //

Do you know that's the reason they didn't attend? Has anyone asked them?

[boxtops]

If that was their reason for not attending, then no, I can't understand it. I have friends of differing faiths and persuasions, and attending weddings/funerals/christenings has never been a problem for me. I might not follow those beliefs but I attend out of respect/love for my friends.

[Duncer]

A funeral is about the deceased, not some the beliefs of so called friends.

I was brought up as a strict Presbyterian, (long since abandoned) and never had any problems in going to Catholic weddings/funerals. In Northern Ireland.

So what. I have the same fairly low opinion of both/all creeds, but I would never dream of not going to a friends wedding or funeral if that is THEIR beliefs.

[wildwood]

A funeral is for the benefit of the relatives/friends/acquaintances to help them come to term with their loss. Everyone deals with the loss in their own way. If this non-attendance is hypocrisy then it is no different from a 'humanist' attending a christian funeral. The religious couple may have found solace in remembering their friend in their own environment, no matter how misguided that may be.