Jehovah's Witnesses And Illegitimacy And Adoption

[Barmaid]

I am helping my friend trace her birth mother (she was put up for adoption on birth 44 years ago - her mother being a 17 year old unmarried mother). Between our various researches we have established that her mother is now a member of the JWs. We think that she married a man who is quite senior in the JWs. Certainly her family history is NOT JW so we think she has converted later.

Can anyone give any information as to how the JWs might view an illegitimate daughter turning up 44 years later? Is it likely to have an adverse effect on the birth mother's membership of the church?

Any info would be helpful please. (And please no rants/sermons about the JWS).

[naomi24]

Barmaid, I’m guessing, but the difficult circumstances of your friend’s birth aside, since Jehovah’s Witnesses are actively discouraged from associating with people, including family, who are not members of the church I have serious doubts that she will be welcomed by her mother. I don’t think your friend’s arrival will have an adverse effect on the mother’s relationship with the church but I think she can fully expect rejection. Risking that has to be her choice. Very difficult for her.

[Gromit]

// since Jehovah’s Witnesses are actively discouraged from associating with people, including family, who are not members of the church I have serious doubts that she will be welcomed by her mother. //

Utter rubbish. They are a christian organisation. There might be problems for both parties if they were to meet, but the JWs would not be a source of trouble.

Many converts are people who have had a traumatic experience and God seems to offer them hope. The whole adoption will have not been good for her mother also. The JWs may already know about the adoption, as this is one of their techniques for recruiting new members.

JW are not actively encourage to disassociate themselves from non members. In their barmy way, the fact that the two have got back together will be seen as the working of God.

[naomi24]

Gromit, I didn’t suggest that the church would be a source of trouble. I simply said that Jehovah’s Witnesses are encouraged to associate only with other Jehovah’s Witnesses. That is evidenced by their ‘Christian’ charitable work which restricts its help solely to members of the JW church.

[Gromit]

The JWs tend to be pro adoption. Jesus had adoptive parents.

Please let us know how this turns out either way.

[benhilton]

Naomi are you sure about that ? I have a couple of work colleagues who are JW's and they associate and get along fine with everyone else . I have another colleague whose wife is a JW but he isn't . They have 2 kids .

[RATTER15]

I used to work with a young woman of 19 years old, she dated a work colleague and was immediately disowned by her family and thrown out of the house very late one night with nowhere to go as soon as the parents were told, the only reason being, here date was not a J.w.

[Barmaid]

Thanks all for your input. I have just been informed that my friend's hubby has spoken to an elder at the church where the birth mother lives. They were extremely supportive and have pledged to do all they can to reunite the pair. Fingers crossed.

Thank you all.

[benhilton]

That's wonderful news Barmaid - I hope everything goes well for your friend .

[naomi24]

benhilton, I’d be willing to bet your friend’s wife wasn’t a JW when they married. I’m not saying they don’t ever associate with people outside the church – of course they do in, for example a work situation - but it’s unlikely that someone who isn’t a JW will be top of their list of best friends - and if you’re an ex-JW it’s pretty certain you won’t.

barmaid, that is good news. I wish your friend well.

[benhilton]

Apologies for "extending" your question Barmaid - but I just want to answer to Naomi's last point -
The colleague whose wife is a JW but he isn't - she's of Indian descent -I haven't asked him whether she was a JW when they married , you can only pry so far into a colleagues personal business.
Another colleague who is a JW , 5 yrs. ago about 8 of us , non-JW work colleagues went to his stag night . Nothing outrageous , just a night at the pub (and no I didn't ask him if his wife-to-be was also a JW ) That's my last post on this question - again , apologies to barmaid .

[naomi24]

benhilton, unless you've got the wrong end of the stick I'm not entirely sure why you're telling me that... there's been no suggestion that JWs are BARRED from mixing with outsiders.

[beso]

Personally I take deep offence at the use of the word "illegitimate". Every life is legitimate.

Many unmarried mothers were coerced into giving up their babies and that word was part of the strategy. Sadly your friend's mother never realised this and plunged deeper into religion.

[Barmaid]

I am deeply sorry that you found my (possibly clumsy shorthand) terminology offensive, beso. This is in fact how my friend terms herself. This is not to say that she applies that to her life but to the short status she had before she was legally adopted. My friend has rather a blunt outlook on life and actually terms herself in less polite terms - albeit rather tongue in cheek. Nonetheless, no one I know views her as any less valuable than anyone else.

In any event, we now have contact with the birth mother. She is married to a member of the JWs but is not one herself.

If you find my post offensive, your correct response is to report it and let Ab Editor deal with it appropriately.

[Gromit]

Thanks for the update Barmaid.

She is married to a JW but is not one herself. So much for JWs not associating with non members.

Hope this has an happy ending ;-)

[naomi24]

Gromit, stop gnawing on that mouldy bone you have your teeth into and make an effort to comprehend the other posts.

[Gromit]

naomi24,

I can comprehend others posts. But in this instance, you are completely wrong.

You wear your religious intolerance as a badge, except for where Judaism is concerned. So in your eyes, all 1.7 billion muslims are dangerous because of their faith, and the JWs are sinister and cultist.

[naomi24]

Gromit, There you go! Proof positive that you don’t comprehend other people’s posts but see what you want to see. I knew you were chewing some mouldy old bone here! :o)

[idiosyncrasy]

Ratter15// used to work with a young woman of 19 years old, she dated a work colleague and was immediately disowned by her family and thrown out of the house very late one night with nowhere to go as soon as the parents were told, the only reason being, here date was not a J.w.//

Now that I do not believe. I have a friend who is a JW and was courting a non witness. She was not thrown out not disowned. I think you need to go and get your facts right. You always seem to be nit picking as far as the witnesses are concerned. I know of a Muslim girl who was beaten almost to death by her family because she was courting a non muslim. I also know of Indian girls being murdered because they chose to not go along with their family with regard to religion , marriage, etc.

[douglas9401]

Praise the lord and his tolerant flocks.

[Sir Alec]

Naomi is perfectly correct! There is a JW meeting house very near where I live, so there are a lot of JW's in this area. Both my immediate neighbours are JW's as are a family across the road. They are very loath to speak to anybody who isn't a JW. They do speak, when spoken to, but you get the impression that your attention isn't wanted. The neighbour on one side has been in that house for 4 years now and they've never spoken a word to me or any of my family. If their daughter is in the garden and you happen to walk past on the road, or even in your own garden, they hustle her quickly into the house.
My neighbour on the other side was looking after a dog for a friend. He had to work, so the dog was left on it's own and was howling all day. I offered to look after the dog for him during the day. It would have been a pleasure to do so. Instead, he got a JW, who lived miles away to look after the dog. It was quite obvious that he didn't want a non-JW having the dog.
I find their behaviour, on the whole strange. They drink too much and if you do them a favour, they never say thank you. I don't understand why so many of the women wear those long skirts. It smacks of Amish.
On the whole, not very pleasant, ignorant people.