A Few - Most Likely Heard Before

[Shaglene]

I asked my son why he wants to marry so young. He said it's so he can have sex whenever he feels like it...
He's in for quite a surprise.
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As of today my sister is insisting I greet her whenever I see her with an 'Hello Rachel'. It would seem 'Hi Sis' has lost its appeal after I picked her up at the airport and shouted it across the arrivals lounge
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I said to my son, "You were born at home a week early and nearly died, but the midwife saved your life."
He said, "Really, what happened?"
I said, "She turned up before I got the chance to hit you with a shovel."
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When I was in school I was told:
PUSSY was a CAT
SEX meant GENDER
*** was a FEMALE DOG
DICK was a NAME
BANG was a SOUND
RUBBER was an ERASER
ASS was an ANIMAL
SCREW was just a TOOL
HEAD meant a PART OF BODY
BALLS meant a ROUND TOY
NUTS meant DRY FRUIT
69 was just a NUMBER
& then I came across all you dirty *** and my education was ruined.
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What do you call a man who claims to eat nothing but beef?
A ***.
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My wife's such a hypochondriac; when I told her the first sign of ebola is loss of bowel control, she **** herself.
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After suffering overwhelming suicidal thoughts I tried to contact the Samaritans for help.
I got an automated message telling me that after Liverpool's starting line-up against Real Madrid was announced, I was in a queue with 55,000 scousers.
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Always look on the bright side, when you see all those men outside your local mosque in long white robes remember.
They are only a pointy hat away from being members of the Klu Klux Klan.
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[janbee]

:-)