How can I stand up for myself and improve my confidence?

[lizwizz]

I was starting to feel more confident at work until somebody told me I only work at one pace and I am blinkered. She said in in a fairly nice way so I think she was trying to help rather than being nasty. However, I didn't ask her what she meant and I don't know whether other people think that or not. I'm quite shy and do not have the confidence to ask people what they think. Since this incident I have felt really low, completely useless at my job, I'm close to tears when I think about it and I'm wondering whether I should leave. I wish I could stand up for myself better, but I would also would like to be more confident. I know this is in my hands and there is something I can do about it, but I just don't know what that something is.

[chazza]

Hi I have the same problem and have recently started using this:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0593055357/qid=1147862285/sr=8-2/ref=pd_ka_2/203-2096966-6312757

recommended to me by a friend. I also have this:
http://www.alexander-essentials.com/jan-de-vries-confidence-essence.php3

but havent used it yet

[mccfluff]

sorry to hear about your situation, one thing to remember though is that although other people have the right to their own opinion, it doesn't mean they are right. does your boss have a problem with the way you work? if not i suggest you ignore this person's comments

[rugeleyboy]

A simple thought...

"you was born naked you will die naked" everyone is the same!!

next time you need a bit of confidance and you need to bring someone down,just imagine them having a realy hard sh1t!!

imagine thier face as they try to push it out!! it may sound disgusting but all of a sudden they aint so big!!

[Bowieblue]

Hello lizwizz - I know its easy to say but dont let this person undermine your confidence. I doubt if they are perfect at their job... I found the article called assertiveness and self confidence really helpful in the website called businessballs.com - I am not saying the person you work with is a bully, but this article is very good at helping us look at the situation in a different light. Hope it helps.

[sense4all]

Unless this woman is Mary Poppins ( practically perfect in every way ) please do not dwell on what she has said. You can take what she said on board and by all means work on your confidence etc - but do it for you, not for pillocks like her, we all have faults. You are probably just too polite to stomp up to her and give her an on the spot personality critique.RUDE!!!!!!

[squiperly]

You sound like a very nice person just a bit lacking in confidence. For someone to say something quite personal about you, they must have some motivation which isn't always obvious. It could be that she is jealous of you in some way, or is just judging you by her own standard which isn't necessarily erveryone else's.

Some people have a "talent" for saying things in a "nice" way, which actually hurt quite a bit.

Either way, you ought to be glad you're you and not somebody like her! I'm sure a lot of people admire your quiet way of going about things, and wish they could be more like you!

[parkesquay]

I am not sure if this woman was being kind to you. You may not think it but she may envy your quiet professonal manner. 999 bosses out of a thousand would prefer somebody they can rely on rather than somebody who may be instinctively quicker but not necessarily reliable. If your job doesn't require you to be a great lateral thinker don't let somebody get under your skin cos they think they are. If your boss is happy with you that is all that counts.

[lizwizz]

Thanks for making me feel better, especially Rugely Boy who helped me find my sense of humour again! I'm going to try that technique tomorrow.