gcses

[medsecslave]

I despair about my 16 year old son. He's got his GCSEs coming up and won't do any revision. I've nagged and pleaded but to no avail. He doesn't seem to take it seriously at all. He tells me he's revising on the PC but he's on MSN with his pals. It's not as if he's the type that could cram at the last minute. He just says he'll resit them if necessary. He's got a couple of weeks study leave coming up, that's a joke, I'd rather he was in school. The only thing he'll be studying is Sky Sports. Any suggestions?

[kate1976]

This will probably sound harsh and not the answer you're looking for but I'd leave him to do it his way, if he fails then you can say 'I told you so'!

Saying that though, my friend's son was exactly the same, he never seemed to revise, she was always on his back, arguing galore and lots of door slamming later he passed all his exams with flying colours!

Good luck with him, I'm dreading my boy getting to his teens!!

[SaxyJag]

I agree with Kate - let him learn from his own mistakes, because it's the only way he will.

I left school with one O'level because I was the same as your son. It's taken time and I've had a few bum jobs between then and now, but I now have an additional 5 GCSEs, a degree and a job I love. Similarly, my hubby had no qualifications when he left school, yet now part-manages a prestigious concert hall and is very well respected in his profession.

Whether your son ends up passing or failing, like Kate says, he'll only have himself to blame or thank, and at the end of the day, qualifications aren't everything, despite what the teaching profession would have us believe.

[srebbe64]

You might want to consider using a "carrot" rather than a stick. I've told my eldest lad (currently studying for his GCSE's) that if he knuckles down and revises hard then I'll take him away on holiday (just him and me).

[andy-hughes]

You can't actually 'do' anything in thtis situation.

We as adults are fully aware of the importance of qualifications, but from his perspective, it's just a grind and something for you to nag him about.

You have to let him find his own way oin the world, and this is just one of a series of situations where you have to let him get it wrong, if indeed he does, because no amount of telling him is going to make him listen.

Frustrating I know, but as the previous ansers show, education is not restricted to teenagers, and he may develop the maturity to study later in life.

[medsecslave]

I agree with everything that's been said and if anyone can make it in life on personality and determination alone it would be him. He's a ball boy for one of the city clubs and rang 10 times in one day until they gave him the position but when it comes to schoolwork he has no interest at all. His mock results were C/D and his teachers have told him he could definitely improve with some hard work which is why it's so hard to do nothing. I suppose if his results were really bad, it might just give him the jolt he needs to work harder next time. Funny how history repeats itself - I can remember how my parents used to nag me!!

[kazzianne]

My daughter refused to listen to me and failed every single exam - then said that she didnt care - till she went to try and get a job!! Now although she has taken a lowly paid menial job to make end meet,she has applied to go to evening college to re-sit some of them.You can only do your best - the rest is up to them.

[SaxyJag]

Medsecslave, I like the boy already. From what you say, he's going to do life his way - and he will probably succeed. One thing's clear, he won't be anyone's doormat and he won't be pushed into doing something that's wrong for him., and that's a fine quality to have.

Wish him well for me, will you. It's kids like him who will grow up to change the world.

[AreebaAreeba]

I disagree with all of this. Take his computer away, cancel Sky Sports. Make sure he does his revision. A little effort now will pay dividends later.

[noxlumos]

This is the problem with kids being so babyfied by schools now. School teaches you to always rely on someone else's approval or group activity and then suddenly kids are left alone to revise and some of them are just ill prepared for it. Your son sounds like a grand lad and he'll be fine whether he passes his GCSE's or not and he may surprise you anyway. You'll have to just let him do this in his way imho, he can always re-take them when he's been out and about in the world a little more if he feels he needs them. My kids are home educated ( no GCSE's) and the older 2 are now doing/done degree courses, so it needn't hold him back.

[willspal]

Fully 100% agree with AreebaAreeba.

I can't believe some parents are actually saying they would just happily sit back and let their child fail at GCSE level, and then to top it all would say 'I told you so' I am shocked.

I have a 14 year old son and yes I appreciate its 2 years away from GSCE for us but I have already sat down and talked to him about how important it is to get good grades for a good job. I bumed around at school with very uninterested parents and as a result I left school with no qualifications and am still paying the price at the age of 35.

I had to take any jobs just to get a wage at the end of the month. They were rubbish bottom of the pile jobs which I hated but I had to do them as was qualified to do nothing else.

I do not want the same for my son and will do and say anything to help him do better than me. He knows how hard it is to have a comfortable lifestyle in this day and age and its only going to get worse when he is in the job market.

I am lucky as at least he knows what carear (sp) he wants (Police Force) but believe me I shall not be sitting back watching him sit around watching Sky Sports in the most important years of his life.

I agree, get rid of the Sky Sports, sit down and have a good talk with him and if you really have to take him to Asda and let him see the wage a floor cleaner is on. He might just deceide to pull his finger out.

WP

[andy-hughes]

willspal - I, and I am sure othe parents here would never "...happily sit back ..." you have to acccept that at this age, children are actually young adults, and you cannot force them to work and do revision, no matter what sanctions you impose.

Most would do as I have done, which is explain fully the importancce of passing GCSE's, and the consequences of failing them, and hope that the young person in question listens, and takes note. I would never ever say "Told you so ...." I would be too busy supporting my child, and letting her work out that particular bit for herself!

Children mature at different rates, some are simply not ready for accademic study at this age, but they come to it later, and succeed then, if indeed it is right for them. The notion of 'force' doesn't work, for anyone.

[willspal]

I would or could never force but I do think a starting point would be to actually switch off the TV. Cancel SKY for a few months if you have to. Surely it would be worth it.

I have already got my son lined up with a tutor in English when the time comes, he was not best pleased but I resorted to a bit of bribary and told him he will get to do something he really wants to do with his pals a couple of times a month if the tutoring is taken with a good attitude and it shows results.

I have never nagged, shouted or forced him to do anything but I do think my talking to him and him being able to see what a struggle I had when I was a single Mum with just him has made he realise that what I say to him is me talking from the heart and with his best interests. I really don't want him to have to re-sit GCSE's. He needs 4 at grade C or above to get into the course he wants to do so he has had to accept that he will have to give up going out a few nights a week, no MSN and a good deal of hard work and study.

I do think the first step would be to actually turn of the TV.

WP

[medsecslave]

I don't think taking away Sky Sports and the PC will make a huge difference - he still has other distractions like his music and I can't be with him 24/7, cracking the whip. I do take his education very seriously indeed and envy people whose children are well-motivated to revise. My daughter was the same though, she didn't do well at school then dropped out of college having got behind with her coursework, took a year out doing work as a TV extra and has just got a place (40 out of 241 applicants) on a college course and is raring to go. She has matured a lot in two years so I'm really keeping my fingers crossed that it's the same with him. Thanks for the support by the way, he's a good lad with a heart of gold. x

[888sally888]

I have the same but have realised that nagging is no help at all - it just gets all the household stressed.

I told my daughter that I was backing off and handing all respoinsibility over to her. I also stressed that I am always here to help if she needs me for anything.

I have told her that if she fails to stay on at school she would have to go to work straight away and pay rent to me.

Think its worked!! Good luck.