friendship or not??!

[blond_law]

I have a friend who I classed as my best mate.we told each other everything and was thick as thieves together.Anyway last year she slept with an ex boyfriend of mine.The thing that hurt the most was that about 2 weeks prior to this,we had chatted about him and looked at photos of me and him together and said what a shame that it didn't work out next shes in bed with him.I was gutted and thought she had crossed a line that friends don't. We made our peace,I forgave her and we promised to get things back on track with each other and we did.On Saturday night we went out and got wasted and out of the blue she tells me that one of her work mates who I have met and been out on nights out with has been texting another ex of mine and slept together.I dated this fella on-off for four years,was smitten with him and was caused a lot of heartache by him.Apparently it has been going on since xmas.Thing is, at xmas I went to his work party and invited my mate along, have since had nights when I would see him,and my mate and her work mate would be there.i'm really upset at the thought that my 'best mate' could put me in a situation where I am in a car/pub with my him and her mate who have been having it off.All three of them knew except me.I feel like a complete mug.
I don't know if I've explained this well but I just can't seem to trust my mate anymore.its bad enough she slept with my ex but to then let me be in a situation like that with this other fella and her mate is so upsetting! Its taken her 6 months to tell me that the man I was with for 4 years was screwing her mate. Where is her loyalty and morals! I was devastated when we split up and she said that she was trying to protect me.When I think of situations tho when her and her mate have been out where my ex goes, its made me really wonder has my mate actually seen them getting it on and being together.Why does she never seem to take my feelings into account!

[Gevs1966]

I really don't mean to sound harsh or unsympathetic but personally I think you are over reacting.

Firstly, if it is your ex then it is none of your business any more anyway.

Secondly, your friend may have been asked by her wok mate not to say anything to anyone, in which case her "loyalty" as you put it is to her not you. Whether or not you two have in the past told each other everything, if her mate has asked her not to say anything then she has to respect that.

Thirdly, maybe she didn't tell you as she knew you would react like this.

[alijangra]

The sleeping with your ex thing I dont really think is great, but as far as the other situation goes I feel sorry for her being stuck in the middle. Its very hard to know what to do in these situations and I really do think she was trying to protect you, in the hope that it would all blow over. Its a fact of life that your ex is going to move on and will, as you put it, screw other people. It just so happened to be someone your friend works with, and I doubt there was much she could do about it.

[blond_law]

i see ur points but my mates work mate turned round and said to me after my mate had slept with my ex 'at least it wasn't so and so' and all teh time she was with so and so. i just feel foolish and i know he is an ex so it is none of my business but isn't there some kind of rule that u never go near ur mates exes or is that just my thinking??

[4getmenot]

If she had been openly honest with you then he is an ex and boys shouldnt come between mates so you should be big enough to let her do what she wants and let her have him. But in this case she and another friend have kept it secret from you and that is not how mates should be. Do your own thing from now on and let her get on with it as I bet your ex just did it to get up your nose anyway and doesnt really care for her otherwise they would have both told you. Leave them too it, they'll soon come running.

[alijangra]

No there is no rule, unless you specify that to your friend and she agrees!! Also, you cant blame your friend for a passing comment her workmate made.

[Champagne]

Unfortuantely, blond_law, there are plenty of women on this planet who will steal your man from under your nose, or behind your back, without a second thought.

You made your peace with your best mate previously and a situation has since arisen that puts your best mate in a tight spot. For whatever reason, she didn't tell you from the offset (possibly committed to a promise as Gevs suggested, or because she thought it would be a one-off) but you need to ask her why she kept it from you and tell her that you think it is wrong. Otherwise how will she know how to act in future? Friendship is a learning curve and it's about give and take. I'm sure you'll work it out if you sit down and chat about it.

The issue now doesn't lie with your best mate but with the other girl who kept her romance with your ex a secret. If you don't like it, then don't associate with her anymore.

[rugeleyboy]

me and my best mate were always in and out of bed with each others "women",i say it like that because i often fancied girls and he would end up with them or visa versa!!

we often fell out over it or i would do it to wind him up or he would do the same!!

the crunch!!........... he died 5 years ago in a RTA and i cant remember 1 argument that would take the hurt away of him not being here!!!

its all trivial,get on with it and be friends!! lifes to short to worry about silly rubbish like this!

[zara 4]

You should feel flattered blond_law that your mates think your taste in men is so good that they wait around for your left-overs??????????????

[Octavius]

I think looking at your post and your reaction that it is no wonder that your mate didn't tell you anything until it was really really necesary. She must be wondering why you keep over reacting to past issues and whether it is worth having a temperamental friend in her life.

This is all about exes and it should be left in the past where it belongs. Make up and move on.