I used to try and sneak in after a night out with the blokes, never worked.
The little missus would be lying in bed awake, checking the clock and then demanding to know what time I thought it was.
Now I stumble through the door, slam it hard, bump down the hallway singing raucously at the top of my voice, leap into bed, slap her on the rump and say "how about a bit sweetheart".