Do I keep trying to make contact?

[PinkFizz]

My parents divorced years ago & hate each other .They live 20 mins apart & never see each other.I live 120 miles away from them both.They never visit me -.I always have to go to them.

To cut a long story short,I persuaded my dad to visit me at xmas as he hadn't met my b/f.Day went well.As he left he said he had new g/f & was living with her.I hugged him,asked if my brother & sister knew ,& he said yes.He said it prob wouldn't be good idea if mum knew as she would take it badly.My mum rang in eve & asked details,etc was he seeing somebody.I said no,but felt bad for lying.Mum kept saying that she still hated him & couldn't care less if he dropped dead.One day she rang in foul mood & went on about him, was he with someone & I gave in and told her that he was but i didnt know much .She started screaming down the fone . 10 mins later my sister called saying that mum was threatening to kill herself & that if she did it would be all my fault.She denied my dad telling her about g/f.Then brother called & again denied knowing a thing,saying I was making it all up.By this time i was sobbing my eyes out.My b/f came home & said my dad had put me in an impossible position & why were they all acting like this.Next day mum rang .She said that my brother & sis had driven to my dad & he denied the whole thing & I was lying!!

last week my mum rang to say that my dad has moved to France!.He said goodbye to my sis & brother but not me or kids.I couldn't believe it.I rang his mobile and when he answered & I said it was me he hung up.I txt my sis and asked for his address & she never replied.

Everybody has rejected me and called me a liar and I dont know why.

[kevb0444]

Not being funny but your dad sounds a bit of a rat for dumping you with this problem and not telling the truth. Do you think he really told your brother and sister or do you think they denied knowing in some attempt to protect your mothers feeling. If they did then i can't see why they are beeing nasty to you.

[Pippa68]

To be honest from what I have read you appear to be the only sane one in the mix!

For a start it is pretty obvious that your parents don't hate each other at all ~ your mother shows classic symptoms of not moving on..and your dad seems to care too much about how she feels about him having a new partner. If they had moved on & didn't care about each other then really this problem wouldn't exist.

I would leave it and get on with your life as best as you can without the lot of them. You are best off out of such mindless game playing! they will get in touch when they want to..in the meantime keep telling yourself you are better than them ~ your own family needs you more & you are worth more than sitting there being a punchbag & scapegoat.

xx

[loobie]

I second exactly what Pippa said. I couldn't think of the words to say and she has done it for me.

Good luck with it all Pink but concentrate on yourself and let them get on with their lies.

[PinkFizz]

I just feel so upset.How could he move to another country without even saying goodbye to me?They all think he has done that because I made the story up about him having a new g/f(which I didnt).Even my b/f was here when he told me about her.I just wish I had a normal family who I could visit and share things with,like my fantastic kids.Apart from my b/f & kids i don't see a single relative,which is hard.

[Champagne]

Hi Fizz. What a drama! Has your family always been this volatile? It�s hard to give you advice on this subject because there is always a history and deep emotional attachments to families which outsiders seldom appreciate. All I can tell you is that I went through a similar emotional drama with my mother many years ago and it was very upsetting. I had my father and siblings turned against me, but thankfully I made up with my brother & sister. I still don�t have any contact with my mother and haven�t done for 12 years. My father and I speak but we�re not close so it�s very infrequent. My family, as far as I�m concerned, consist of my brother and sister. But trust me when I say that it was one of the hardest decisions to make in letting go of my parents. But they�re simply not an influencing factor in my life anymore and I refused to let them bring me down.

I hope you come to the right decision for you. xx

[electricblue]

You should NEVER have been put in that position,as for your brother and sister,if like your dad says they knew about the girlfriend,then they can live with the fact that THEY are the liars,not you,if they didn't know then maybe 'daddy' can live with his conscience,maybe not,running away to france isn't gonna help him,the only one in the wrong here really is your dad,expecting you to lie to your mum for him is bang out of order,i would feel like sh*t having to do that (had something very similar many years ago) this will be in his head right now,let them all stew,you have a clear conscience gal!!!!

[PinkFizz]

my mum & dad split up over her being an alcoholic(even tho nobody ever mentions drink it is well known) and the fact that my dad spent every eve out with his mates.Catch 22 - she drank and got nasty coz he went out-he went out coz she drank and got nasty.

They have always been of the opinion that once you leave home you sort your own life out.I rang her once when I had severe postnatal depression and beggerd her to come and stay with me for a few days and she said she couldn't as she had to do my dad's dinner!

She has now got to the point where she has panic attacks if she goes further than the local shop.

My dad is the most selfish man I know.He is a rich man,has property worth a million,will fly over the world to visit drinking buddies yet I had to plead with him to drive 2 hrs to see his grandchildren and me,and he didnt even recognise them.Its a bloody mess.

[redcrx]

hi Pink,

sounds like youre damned if you do and damned if you dont. At the end of the day your mum asked you for details, whether you were lying or not, she shouldnt have asked if she didnt want to hear the answer.

Your dad is a very hurtful man if he is dropping all this at your feet just to keep peace with your brother and sister. Thats unfair.

I think you are best off out of it until they all realise what they are doing. At least you have your b/f and sons in the meantime.

[Octavius]

Your whole family sound like nutters, that you can clearly do without. I agree with IAP, be glad that you are far enough away and concentrate on your own life/future.

Sorry to sound harsh, but I really can't stand emotional blackmail especially within families.

[loobie]

Just wanted to add, I can't actually believe that your brother and sister have caused all this. No matter what happens with mum's and dad's, brother's and sister's are meant to stick together. I find it disgraceful that they have done this to you. They have stabbed you right in the back and watched you lose your family. I think you should focus all your love and attention on your children and your boyfriend, they are the ones that are obviously there for you through thick and thin, in which case the most important people to have in your life.

[PinkFizz]

You are all so lovely,as usual.

In answer to Kevbo444's question - do I think my dad really did tell my brother & sis - yes I do.And when my mum freaked out at me for not telling her earlier they decided that instead on admitting they had known all along as well,and have her mad with them too,they chose to pretend that they hadnt been told and so look all innocent.Its ridiculous - my brother is 37 & my sister is 32,but they are acting like children.

[yinyang]

I agree with what's been posted so far. Just because they are your parents it doesn't mean it's best for you to have them in your life.

My husband made the decision to cut all ties with his mother 12 years ago. she immediately turned every member of his family against him. He has never regretted his decision or the fact that his children are growing up without her influence.

As far as he's concerned the family he's part of now as a husband and father is the most important thing in the world.

It won't be easy for you but if you make the decision that you're better off without them, then I wish you every happiness. Just enjoy your b/f and kids.

[gessoo]

I can't add to all the good advice people have given you. I totally agree, get on with your life with your partner and your children. They are your real family now. Don't waste your time or tears on what has gone on. Look forward to a lovely future xxxxxx

[~Wingnut~]

Yes, Yes PinkFizz, agree with everyone else on here. Poor you what a horrible emotional mess! You have absolutley nothing to feel bad about here!!!!! How your Dad could put you in that situation and then for your brother and sister to lie like that!! Just terrible!
I would myself, write each one a letter explaining that you are cutting all ties, what actually did happen, how you know what liars they all are and how you are now going to live the rest of your life, happy and content in the knowledge that you have done nothing wrong.

Your a nice person PinkFizz :o) You don't deserve this hurt, enjoy life, their the ones missing out.