Child coming in paren't bed

[mom2ven]

How do you break the habit of my eleven year old son from coming into our bed every night?

[TopKat]

Given the age of your son, I would advise making his bed and room an attractive space for him - redecorate it if necessary, using his ideas (whatever they are!!). Make it clear that the payoff for this is that he will have his "big boy" space and so must stop coming into your bed. This is even possible if he's sharing a room - just make his part of it truly his. You could also stress the whole independence, big boy thing by giving him points for each night that he doesn't come into your bed. When he's earned enough points, he gets to chose a treat (an activity he likes perhaps). You can gradually increase the number of points needed for the treat as he gets the idea. Also, of course, once you start, stand firm and return him to his room when he comes into your bed. Good luck!

[JudgeJ]

Lock your bedroom door.

[Catso]

At 11, I'd agree with JudgeJ. Just tell him 'no', tell him why and lock the door.

I have to say, at his age, this sounds very 'odd'.

[unruliejulie]

He is old enough now for you to just say NO! No excuses, just be firm. He is way too old for that. I am a big believer in parents needing their own space. This is a definate No No.

[lilacben]

excuse me for asking but why have you left it until now,when he is 11.? to be honest I never allowed mine into our bed at all.even when they where little.You must put a stop to it now as it cannot be healthy for him to be so clingy.watch Supernanny she will give you some tips.! just keep putting him back into his own bed until he stays there.Sounds easy I know, like most things . What are your husbands feeling on it. Can he not be firm with him. good luck!

[satpam]

Have just read the answers received so far; some appear very harsh and lack understanding. We have 2 boys now 15 & 13, the eldest very rarely came into our bed, apart from Christmas mornings (and even then I have to wake him up!) I don�t recall the last time he was in our bed. However it�s a different story with our younger son; is it because we�ve babied him being the youngest? I don�t know. He still likes a cuddle and even now on the rare occasion wants to join me in bed, this is when we chat about his day and I find that this is when he opens up if there is something on his mind. He does not sleep in our bed; going to his own after a chat and a cuddle. TopCat has some very good suggestions, I would also ask why he sleeps in your bed, is it all night or can you place him in his own when you are ready to go to bed? Is he a happy child, an only child, the youngest child? Does he have low self esteem, is he bullied or at the end of the day (pun) perhaps he just likes the comfort it gives and it�s now a habit. I have always told my self he won�t be doing that at 18!!!!(wearing nappies, sucking his thumb etc. However you do need your own space and time so work on getting him to his own bed but do not make a big issue of it, make it fun as Top Cat said the big boy thing

Good luck

Pam

[MORELLO]

Rewards/ 'big boy'/ treats? Get real, he's 11 years old. Tell him no and stick to it.

[suzi-q]

I would say take a relaxed view, but if hes coming into your bed before you go to sleep that must be extremely bad for your love life! If he wants to come into your bed for a cuddle, why not make it in the morning when he can come in for a cuddle for a few minutes before you get up.

But he will get over it eventually - how many 20 yr olds do you know who get in bed with their mum and dad? Like all phases with kids - it will pass!!!