Would you tell your partner they were overweight?

[kazzianne]

I knw I need to lose a little bit,but my boyfriend has put on loads and loads of weight in the last year,and good looking as he is,he now can barely fit into any of his clothes.Even a client rang up,didnt realise I was his partner and said to me how fat he looked.I was so cross.

So my question is,do I say anything,which will probably come out all wrong,or do I wait for him to do something about it in his own time.

I cook very healthy meals every night,he just then goes and eats again afterwards.!!

Oh,and I dont want him to lose weight to look better for me,He just doesnt look very healthy anymore.

[WendyS]

I'm a firm believer that if somebody is indulging in a habit that in injurious to their health, (smoking, drinking too much alcohol, becoming morbidly obese which could lead to heart attacks, strokes & diabetes) and you love them, it's your duty to make them understand that their habits are causing you anquish or concern. Whether you put it tactfully .i.e. can we talk seriously for a moment about something that is really becoming an issue for me?" - or come out with it so bluntly that it takes them aback but makes them think seriously about it depends on how you think they will react.

How about searching the internet for photos of some really obese males, cutting them out and sticking them on the inside of his wardrobe door with the word "YUK" written all over it. Don't say a word. Just let the pictures speak for themselves. If you've got a photo of him when he was nice and slim, stick that alongside the obese pictures.

If you're any good at sewing, how about sneakily sewing up some of the side seams of his shirts and other clothes to make them even tighter? And when you go out, rave about all the nice slim men you see. If he doesn't get the message after that, I think you have to clear your storecupboard of anything that is vaguely capable of being munched on its own after you've cooked a meal (i.e. biscuits, chocolate, crisps, etc).

[chiswickk]

if he's fat, he's fat. why should you "butter him up" isn't fat being enough? i'm sure he trust you to make you his girlfriend. tell him like it is, if he cannot accept that, jus think about how communication in future would be with 'mrs fat hunk'

[mimififi]

if you are in a position where you feel you might be able to shed a few pounds (im not for ONE moment suggesting that you are) then you could use this "Im thinking I might begin a new health regime, get a bit fitter, lose a few pounds, what do you think?" and it might open the forum for him to say whether or not he thinks its a good idea and he might even go further and suggest that he could join you and then you could do it together. You could make the focus not on weight loss, but on fitness gain, join a gym, go walking, cycling etc, eating healthilyetcetc. My husband eats when he is bored, not necessarily when he is hungry and so if your's is the same, maybe a new hobby or an interest could change his lifestyle.
I would talk to him in this manner when you go to bed, or over dinner (no pun intended) not when he is watchin his fav tv show or anything cos men are just frankly in capable of listening to anything when they are watching something else!!!!!!

hope you work something out, it's awful when you are worried about a loved one and don't know what to do.
THinking of you
mimi

[khana]

You have to take the bull by the horns here and let him know. Not in any horrible way though as i'm sure he realises he is overweight already and probably wants to do something about it, but like giving up anything, its easier said then done.

I certainly would not stick up photos of obese people with the word yeuck (sorry WendyS), thats just going to put him on the defensive and give off the wrong message.

Tell him that you love him and that you want him to still be around when you are both old and grey.

Make things easy for him by packing a healthy lunch if you can and remember to give him lots of support when he sticks to the lower calorie diet.

You sound like a lovely person who cares a lot, i'm sure he will see that and maybe you could suggest some sort of medium term goal to work towards, maybe a holiday (finances permitting) and that you both will enjoy together.

All the best, I hope it goes well.

[chongalolo]

I have had the same problem with my husband for years and I understand exactly what you are going through. He has been in a cycle of depression (work related), overeating, dieting, more weight gain etc etc - you know what I mean. I have been through every method I could think of to help him and in the end I had to accept that no matter what I do or say, only he can decide about his body and his lifestyle. It has caused me so much anguish over the years and and really hope you don't have to go through this with your bf. Mr C now is diabetic and has high blood pressure.

If you do decide to talk to your bf about his weight/eating habits it make sure he knows that you still love and fancy him like mad! You can reward him with any weight loss he manages to achieve with lots of sex! That's very important. Hopefully he will reach a stage of realisation by himself and will do something about it. Good luck to you both.

[kazzianne]

awww - thanks to all your wonderful answers.I actually went back to my Slimming World class last night as I hadnt been for a month and was pleased to find that I hadnt put a pound on! So got back and asked if he would come cycling with me to help me,and he said yes,which was good.So did dinner - very lean minced pork made into a spag bog,less that 6 minutes after washing plates he came into loubge and asked if I wanted anything to eat!! When I laughed and said why,we had just eaten - he grinned at me and went and got a bowl of the rest of the spaghetti that was left over and ate that as well!! aggghhhh!!!!!

[Bohne]

If you are in a relationship, I think you should be able to talk about anything.
Maybe not the subject to bring up when he's already stressed, but when you are both relaxed, I don't see why you shouldn't mention it to him.

Especially, if you say, you need to loose some weight yourself, you can always suggest, to tackle the problem together.

I certainly would want my partner to tell me, if he was worried about me in any way!

Good luck!

[the.dr]

jus say.........ur gettin a bit porky aint ya?.....the sheer shock of the lite hearted "joke" will motivated ur partner 2 shift those pounds

[Veggibear]

Does he have breakfast?

Sounds like your making too much if you have leftovers and what are you doing having crisps in the house if he's got no self control? Have you asked him if he is actually hungry when he goes for second helpings? Or is he bored?

"Wait for him to do something" Have you any reason to believe this will happen? I think you should tell him of your fears for his health. He probably doesn't realise.

Get Gillian McKeith in - or at least threaten to do so.

Sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind. Good Luck.

[kazzianne]

Hi Veggie - crisps are in the house as betwee us we have 4 kids,only one lives with us 24-7,but at weekends we have a house full of between 6 - 16yrs old.He does eat cereal usually before he sets off for work.Actually he admitted the other night that he cant stop eating lately,although he has been pretty good since.He has a terrible amount of pressure on him at the mo - made worse over this wkend(long story) and so I dont wana pile any more pressure on him - but lastnight he atee same as me and son - pork stir fry with carrots,onions,mushrooms etc and nothing else all eve.

[Nummy]

there's more to eating than hunger.

Of course, he may just be used to having big portions, and when you serve a a normal size portion, he doesn't think it's enough...and goes and gets more. It's not necessarily a conscious thing tho.

Does he have any hobbies? It's the easiest thing in the world after a long day to have a meal...sit and watch tv and eat more. Boredom is a big reason why people over eat.

yes tell you you're worried, but tell him you love him too...and you'll give him all the support he needs.

[PinkFizz]

Hi nummy.Thanks for replying to this even tho its a few weeks old now.Things have actually gotten worse the last few weeks and I think he is going to have a heart attack the way he is going.Take lastnight - he had dinner at 6pm,meat,new potatoes,carrots,broccoli.9pm he does himself 2 rounds of buttered toast,10pm he does 2 slices of bread and butter,plus all eve drank bottles of beer and wine.Yes I had a couple as the football was on but you get my drift?