can my ex girlfriend change my sons surname

[stevedemo]

i have a 8 year old son who i have never seen but am trying to gain access to, i have found out he is my son by dna, and am now trying to get some form of access to him, i have been told by one solicitor that i dont have any rights at all to him, and have now found out that his name has been changed to my ex girlfriends, husbands last name, i know that my name was not on the birth certificate but is all this really legal surley i must be able to have some say so ???

[kate1976]

My son's father's name was on the birth certificate but I still managed to change my son's name without his say so!

[alijangra]

Im afraid you have no say at all.

[troot28]

It's sad but true. I was not married to the mother of my two sons. Sadly she died young and the boys next of kin became their Grandmother. I had to go to court to get parental rights, which were only granted due the agreement of their grandmother.

[Pippa68]

Nope..no rights at all..I am afraid it's the price you pay for not being married or applying for parental responsibilty when your son was born.

Well done for trying to gain proper contact arrangements with him..I do hope it works out for the best.

[dilf]

if you dont give up steve you will not lose. it may take years mate but dont ever give up

my daughter was taken from me aged 3 and asked for me when she was eleven. she has lived with me since [6 years]. all because i love her and i could not give up

dont give up.......... here have a motto

[Pippa68]

Well done dilf ~ I know it's tough, and I agree you must not give up. My husband had to fight tooth & nail to see his daughter (and he had been married to her mother).

The system does indeed stink..as a father you are obliged to pay maintenance but there are no automatic rights to contact. Generally, mum has the upper hand but if you show you are trying very hard (and in the proper manner, no matter how tough it gets) you will get there in the end ~ even if it has to be the childs decision.

Good luck x

[stubbings]

Look at it from the other side Steve - your son has a right to see you and that should only be prevented if there is some compelling reason for the Court to believe it is not in his best interests, usually because the Court believes you may do something that would harm him.

The issue of his name is one people get hung up on, but in law your name is "what you are known as" in most situations. Again thinking from your son's viewpoint if he is living with a new family, it is probably easiest for him that he shares their surname.

You should pursue contact if you think you have something to contribute to his life. Accept that after 8 years you are a stranger to him, so you will have to go very gently. Accept also that the only dad he knows is the one who has been playing that part and your arrival on the scene will not make that man any less of a dad to him. Like many children these days he has more than one dad and that is fine !

In the long run, if his mother tells him lies about his parentage or prevents him knowing about you or seeing you, this is likely to alienate him and damage his relationship with her.

Set out to prove to the Court (and your ex) that you are a trustworthy and reasonable person; and that you can be a positive feature of his life. But accept that after 8 years reestablishing contact will be very difficult and ultimately you have to be prepared do the best thing for him, even if it is not what you yourself really want.

Good luck - it will be a long and difficult journey, but with the right approach you can often get there.

[stubbings]

Another thought :-

Remember too that contact is not just about face-to-face visits. Exchange of information, letters, cards and photos can be important and will help him to feel that you love and care about him, even if you are not seeing him.

[UK_Kal-El]

I find our whole system a complete let down to us fathers! I have a Daughter now 9, her Mother and I split on Valentines day 1999, well, I say we split, she left me and with my daughter.

After struggling for 5 weeks with work and looking after my girl I decided it best for my daughter if she lived with her Mum, not thinking I'd get screwed over!

But as you can guess, I was screwed royally! My ex decided to hook up with my old mate ( a woman beater! ) and they have now moved away and refuse to let me have any say in my daughters life. I hope & pray that regardless of what lies they have told her ( if any ) that when she is old enough to apply for a drving license or passport she will decide to track me down.

I am now married to a wonderful woman and have 2 other children, I have a very stable and loving relationship with them and my wife, I just wish my other daughter could be a part of this! So Steve, I feel for you dude, I really do!!