Autisism And Love

[nailit]

I made a post a few days ago for which I both made myself look like a nob (I was drunk at the time and it all came out wrong) and for which I was graciously forgiven. The post referenced autistic people and feelings. I'll admit that my knowledge of which is minimal, hence my curiosity on here.

My question now (however) is, can autistic people ever feel love or empathy with others?
My ex partners son always was a bit 'strange' (and that not meant in a derogortary way) He was 'strange' in the way that he really didnt give a fig what others thought of him and didnt seem to have a sense of danger. I actually admired him even as a kid how he didnt give a f***. (I believe he was diagnosed with autism, though I hate the term diagnosed)
He, apperently, is now going to uni to study physics, But is he actually capable of having a loveing relationship or would he see it all as bunkum?

[Mamyalynne]

Impossible to generalise Nailit - the Autistic spectrum is too wide to put everyone in the same category.

I have three Grandchildren on the spectrum , two of them I wouldn't even expect a cuddle from but one regularly hugs and kisses and tells me he loves me.

I hope they all in some way manage to grow and develop into being able to have meaningful relationships, if that is what they wish for themselves.

[cassa333]

I think it depends on where they are on the spectrum.

My nephew 'goes through the motions' of affection and showing care. For him it is a learned response with no meaning other than he should cuddle when prompted (on leaving grandparents etc). There was a time when he would spit in your mouth when giving a kiss because he got a bit of a slobbery kiss from (great great) granny before she died. It took a long time to retrain him on that one.

[Buenchico]

As you know, I'm on the autism spectrum and I don't really 'do' love for other humans. (Cats are somewhat different though!).

For example, I don't think that I ever really loved my parents. That doesn't mean that I didn't get on with them. It simply means that, while I liked them, I never really cared about them (and I've certainly never thought about after they died, other than to remember times in my life when they happened to be present).

Similarly, while I like my best friend a great deal, I don't actually care about him. If someone was to blast his brains out with a gun in front of me I wouldn't be particularly bothered about it. (I've told him that many times. Since he's also on the autism spectrum, it probably makes sense to him anyway!)

In my ideal society we'd use genetic engineering to ensure that nobody was ever capable of love, as I see it as an emotion which serves no purpose and simply gets in the way of rational thought. (i.e. I think that I'm better off than most others in society, not worse off, through being on the autism spectrum)

However I have to admit that there have been one or two people who (to some extent, at least) have 'broken through' to me as far as 'love' is concerned. In particular, many years ago, the young son of a single-parent friend came to regard me almost as a father and I came to regard him almost as a son. I still feel that way about him now, even though he's 41 years old. (He, and his family, are the most important things in my life apart from all of these ruddy cats, who also seem to be able to get me to display 'love' for them, even when they're driving me up the wall! Don't ask me to explain that though. I can't!).

[anneasquith]

I have great admiration for you're honesty Chris. I'd say the young man and his family are very fortunate to have you're love. Lucky cat , ;-)

[Unsureme]

Fantastic Post ,Chris,A lot of respect for your honesty,My Grandson is on the spectrum,he and my Daughter are the most important things in my life.(not to keen on cats though,although I would never harm them).He has his meltdowns but,within seconds, he is the most lovable boy you could wish to have.

[ummmm]

Divebuddy - my son is autistic and will be going to uni to study history after his A levels.

Yes, Nailit, they can feel love. My son doesn't express love but he does express concern unless it comes to his cat....he loves his cat.

[nailit]

Thanks for all answers and for sharing your own stories, especially chris for being so forthright.
My ex partners son always seemed aloof, prefering spending time alone in his bedroom studying things on the internet that were way above me (he was having discussions with me about quantum mechanics when he was about 11), he never really expressed any emotion for people but became a vegetarian as a child because he WAS concerned about animals (similar to chris) I believe he was diagnosed with autism after me and his mum split up
Interestingly, when he started high school, he was also found to have an eidetic memory. His 'party piece' was to recite Pi to 170 places.

Thanks again all for replies.

[whiskeryron]

What an interesting question nailit with interesting answers. I think my input is to ask is there much difference between love & care. Lovely to read your answer Chris, you have helped me many times on here with problems & I am aware you have helped others many times. That to me means that you obviously care with our problems so you help to fix them. It does not mean that you love us, but it is enough for me to see that Autism & caring is capable of existing together.