help please

[wonderwoman1]

hiya guys and gals, i need some advice for a friend. she called me up about an hour ago in tears to ask if she could come round to stay, of course i said yes. when she got here she told me her boyfriend of 16yrs(who is also my friend) has been drinking since 11am this morning and tonight after dinner he completely flipped. she asked him if they could watch something different on tv and she said that he just started smashing glasses and plates and a liquidiser. they have a puppy who was getting really scared so she told him she was coming round to mine to stay with the puppy. so she came round and he has just texted her saying-"i dont care about you, just bring the puppy here at 9am"...i dont know what to do or say to her. i know i am only hearing one side but does anyone have any good advice for her please?

thanks so much in advance xx

[daftpixie]

listening is all that you can do at the mo, has this ever happened before? Alcohol can have such out of character effects on people, the situation could be very different in the morning. I think your friend needs to keep calm, try and sleep, and keep her distance from her boyf, ie not text etc, is it possible for her and the puppy to stay at yours tommorow? I dont think she should go round in the morning, if he has been drinking for so long, he will still be pretty messy at 9am

[wonderwoman1]

hi daftpixi, thanks for relplying so quick!

its never happened before as i am aware, but they say you never know what goes on behind closed doors...although he does drink a heck of a lot.

she and puppy have gone to bed, i told her she can stay as long as she likes. i have told her not to go round and just to let him calm down. he is a very opinionated bloke and a very determined bloke. they do argue quite a bit and we have always wondered what keeps them together, but they seemed really happy(again maybe just for our benefits). i just really feel for her, she is sobbing her heart out in the spare room and i just feel i want to help but i dont know how.

[daftpixie]

hey, you are helping her! just by letting her stay and get her head together, and by listening and being supportive, its what good mates are made of.

[wonderwoman1]

thanks daftpixie(oops missed the e off your name before!!sorry!!) i know what you are saying, i guess i just have to let her work out what she wants to do and support her...thank you

xx

[daftpixie]

No probs, your handling it the right way, particuarly as your in a difficult position being friends with both of them. Hope it works out x

[lindapinda]

Hi Wonderwoman,I think there's much more to this,than just a row or alcohol consumption.You're talkin violence here.It's just not acceptable to start smashing the house up,cos you have a row!!...

[wonderwoman1]

linda i know its not acceptable after having been in a violent relationship myself...he didnt hit her or lay a finger on her if he had she would have called the police...she is a strong willed woman and i know for a fact she wouldnt stand for physical violence. she certainly knows it wasnt acceptable but she had to get the puppy out of the house too as there was glass everywhere, what else could she have done?

[lindapinda]

I'm not getting at her wonderwoman! Far from it!..She did the right thing..get out of the situation! Especially,since the wee puppy was in danger!

[wonderwoman1]

no i know you werent linda, sorry didnt mean for that to come accross like that!! i just genuinely dont know what else she could have done.

[Slooow_Jo]

I agree with daftpixie you are doing the only thing you can by being there for her :(

But I cant help thinking is this a regular thing & you just dont know because she hasn't had the puppy to think of before so as just 'sat tight'.

[lindapinda]

You shouldn't be apologising to me ww !!.We're all on the same side of decent people!...There's no reason that anyone should be scared of their partner! If they are?.....Then,there is something wrong.

[nat_84]

It sounds like he may be or on the verge of becoming an alcoholic..

My dad is (or maybe was) an alcoholic and had the same sort of irrational behaviour. He used to smash things up and was also very threatening.

I dont suggest she goes back home for a couple of days and dont recommend she gives th epuppy to him either.

You're being a great friend and can do nothing more than comfort and listen to her for the time being.

Let him cool off and realise what an idiot he's been.

[Scarlett]

If it were me, I would phone the police, tell them what happened, and get them to go round there at 9am and have a word! Drinking is no excuse for violence. I think your friend should stay with you (and the puppy) for as long as it takes for him to get the hint that he owes her a BIG apology. He should do the running, not her now. IF she wants to go back with him (I wouldn't) they should discuss it maybe in a public place. I wouldn't want to go back in the house with just him. If he is like that to a her and a puppy, imagine what he would be like with a baby.

There's no future with a ****** like this. she can do better!