Getting a date

[salisbury]

I know i have been told to not go after women straight after being dumped etc, but i was thinking the other day.......theway i have met most exes is when drunk / clubbing. Maybe this is where im going wrong and should be asking girls on dates when sober instead?

The thinbg is, I always spot sweet natured goodlooking girls when sober but dont have the guts or confidence to say anything to them and am very scared of rejection / looking stupid.

and the thing that makes it worse, is the girls i meet when drunk usually end up being horrible people and not well suited at all........I just really need to know how to start walking before i run if u get my drift, i need to be good at small talk before i start asking random girls to go on dates.

I dont want anything serious, just to meet new people, as I cannot remember the last time i went on a date or even met a new girl. Although ive been out a lot since my breakup, I havent really met a lot of new people.

[salisbury]

the reason for this question, is that recently i have noticed two girls I WOULD BE interested in, one is at the gym and one gets on my bus hom afetre work, but how can you tell them you like them without looking like a complete jerk. I mean, how embarrassing would it be, infront of everyone on a public bus !

But you can just sort of tell that they are sweet natured nice people

[spk]

You have answered your own question mate, dont try and chat women up drunk because you either have beer goggles on or your sense of judgement is messed up. And women hate nothing more than a drunken tW@t slobbering all over them. Chill out and start enjoying being on your own. Would you not rather be on your own and happy, than be with some silly fool just so you can get your leg over?

[4getmenot]

I really dont know what to say anymore. You need to work on yourself first then you will have the confidence to talk to these girls. You dont need to be with anyone.

[PinkFizz]

Well you should just start by dropping the odd line of casual conversation,ie the bus is always busy and you wished you drove,or that its been a long day,what about her.Just keep it light.

[Champagne]

Why don't you hire an escort for a while to help you boost your self-confidence?

Here you go:- http://www.e-scorts.co.uk/

[Supernick]

Asking random girls out is brilliant. 99 times out 100 I don'ty have the balls to do it, but I've done it twice now, and whilst they both said no, I felt on top of the world afterwards, because I'd impressed myself that I'd had the guts to do it.

Your chances are pretty low to be honest. A random girl doesn't know you from an axe murderer, and whilst they might be flattered and even like the look of you, they'll probably still say no.

So... if it's someone you know you're going to bump into a lot, i.e gym girl, then you're better off starting up a conversation and then trying to carry it on over a couple of weeks. THEN ask them out. All you need now is a way in.

[Gevs1966]

I agree with Nick, I used to get the train every day and used to get in the same carriage every day. As I would get on the train a really sweet looking girl would get off, this went on for ages until one day I thought sod it, I stopped her just as she was getting off the train and said something along the lines of "Hi, sorry to bother you and hope this isn't going to sound too creepy and up front but I see you getting off this train everyday and I think you're really attractive and was just wondering if you would like to go for a coffee or something" She gave me a massive smile and said thanks and that she was really flattered but unfortunately she had a boyfriend. I said thats ok but I had to ask, she said she was glad I did and then we went our separate ways. I was so chuffed with myself that I was in a great mood all day and every time I saw her after that she gave me a smile and said god morning!

[Gevs1966]

she even said "good" morning!!

[Rubyrose]

Ok... just because you have now come out of a relationship it doesn't mean you need to find someone ASAP! I don't know why but some people can't seem to be on their own.. but if you can't feel comfortable enough on your own.. you won't ever be in the best position to judge whether a person is right for you, or if a relationship is right for you too. Take some time to learn about yourself and be comfortable being alone. I have been single now for about 6 months after my ex of 5yrs broke up with me and I am having the time of my life. I never thought I'd be able to handle being single but I am doing fine.. better than fine and I hope that when someone comes along who I want to be with.. I can make a proper descision instead of jumping into a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship! I have met tons of new people since being single and made so many new friends I had to buy a little 'phone number' book as I didn't want to keep adding them to my mobile! Lmao! I do go out clubbing but also me and my friend have started doing things we never did before like going up the golf club and using the driving range.. or going to the leisure centre and things like that! Its all a great way to meet people.
Good luck.
xx

[Rubyrose]

Oh and also I meant to add..
Don't be afraid to chat to either of those girls as I am sure they have had guys hit on them before but just try and make it sound less like a 'come on' and more like a nice guy who is looking for friendship! Don't throw the pressure of a date at them when they don't even know you. Get to know them first... for your sake and theirs.

[WendyS]

Possibly you have some serious issues to deal with here since you seem to have a lot of ex girlfriends, all of whom you've met when you were drunk and out clubbing who've turned out badly for you. Not surprising really. Alcohol can really affect your judgement..

Be honest. Do you really think you are on the way to becoming an alcoholic if you are drunk so much of the time?

Really nice girls are not likely to want to get mixed up with somebody who can't manage their alcohol intake. In the end, they always end up being bad news and losers. And often, nice sweet natured girls are busy doing interesting things with their lives, not necessarily hanging around in night clubs all the time drinking alcohol.

So firstly try and get a grip of your drinking problem. Do you drink to give yourself self-confidence? Think about where else you can meet nice girls. At the gym. At an evening class learning a new hobby. At a line dancing class, doing some voluntary work one evening a week? Perhaps even going to a self-assertiveness./confidence building course would help you. If there are girls where you work, just try talking to them about ordinary things like the news headlines, what they think about sport, what hobbies they are interested in etc. And try practicing conversations with adults too, just so that you feel comfortable about talking with strangers generally. Listen to other people talking too. What sort of topics do they discuss? Could you talk about those subjects too as a means of getting to know a girl to the point where you could pick up courage to ask her for a date?