is it rape?

[sleepyhead]

a few days ago me and some of my friends went out to celebrate end of exams. we had a lot to drink and met up with some guys my mate knew. my friend was drunk and went off with one of the guys and basically did him. we realised that she was gone but by the time we found them they'd already done it. she's 16 so it's legal but i think he was taking complete advantage. he didn't have anything to drink and had a girlfriend. i was telling him off but he kept insisting they had only kissed and kept saying 'you believe me right?'. it wasn't until we got home that my friend admitted sleeping with him. at the time she said that she regretted it, but now she's saying she doesn't really, although i know she does. this guy is a sleaze. she says she said yes but she wasn't in the right frame of mind to make that decision. what do i do? is this taking advantage? is this rape? please help.

[atolhurst]

I don't know about anyone else, but I've regretted things in the past - but it doesn't mean I didn't consent to them at the time.

I think that's what needs clarification - one is rape, the other's a silly mistake on her part.

[Jennykins]

If the girl let the man touch her and have sex with her.. then its not rape.. if she was telling him NO and forcing him self on her.. then its rape... Many people when they are very drunk have sex with people and not until there sober they realize what they did, then regret sets in.. Let your girl friend know we all make mistakes and tell her this is a sign that she should not drink so much. Let her know this is how people get Aids and gang raped by walking off with a un-known partner. He could have walked her right out to the back of the bar and raped her with a few more men and left her for dead... she needs to understand these facts and learn how to drink more responsible.

[Jennykins]

I also forgot to say... If you charge a person with rape and you were the one drunk.. the person will get off the charges because in court a judge can not take in to concideration the statement from a person who's mind was not sober at the time. (You would need witnesses) Ok that all could have been said better.. but Im tired haha

[kazza12345]

i think that what you mean is drunken consent is still consent

[littleoldme]

We're on very dangerous ground IMO if a drunken woman who was only to happy to have sex with a man at the time can turn round and accuse him of rape when she sobers up and feels guilty afterwards. What does the man have to do? Get her to sign her consent in writing and judge whether she's sober enough by the wobbliness of her signature?

Put it this way - if you get into your car while drunk, drive off and kill someone, you have to take full responsibility for your actions. Why should that responsibility then be absent when it comes to consenting to sex? It makes no sense to me. If she's clearly resisting or is not conscious enough to give consent then of course it is rape, but if she's all in favour of it at the time, it's not on for her to try to ruin his life by crying rape later on just to assuage her own guilt, even if he is a 'sleaze'. As for him 'taking advantage', that in itself is not a criminal offence.

[Pippa68]

I may well be set on fire for this, but I also think it is a pretty poor show when someone can be accused of rape halfway through consensual sex ~ simply because the woman changes her mind...

Of course she is well within her right to change her mind, but to accuse the guy of rape? I have never seen why.

[Jennykins]

WM.. Listen .. I understand that being drunk is no defence to crimes... In rape its another matter... Its your word against the rapist word.. and if your drunk at the time and can not remember your details.. the case will be dismissed.. endless there is a witnesses. Ill reapeat.. If you cant not remember the DETAILS of the assult due to being intoxicated... the case will be dismissed... that is again if it is only your word against the rapist and there is no evadence proving. The law is bases on proven facts not .. what you "think" might have happend or what you "might" remember

[Jennykins]

WM. In Canada cases are not lost or won from what he or she said... word against word means nothing.. its facts fallowed by proof.. That way people are not set up and wrongfully convicted. I guess in the UK its different.
Ps.. Id just like to let you know you come across very grumpy. Its just a thread.. no need to get so into it.

[Jennykins]

WM...You are a very rude person. And name calling is so imature. Grow up!

[Jennykins]

PS. WM I only answer questions about topics I know first hand about... what the hell do you know about rape !!
I dont need your sarcasm and ignorence...

[Jennykins]

Thanks for that WM. So you have never been raped then?
Wow, You must know everything about what its like and what its like to go through the court system and what its like to use your word against the rapest word. Have you had many friends raped ?
And someone with a carrerr you say you have should not be so imature to call me names. I find it very hard to believe that you would have anything to do with a job that requires so much compassion.
And again .. things are much much different in the UK and Cananda when it comes to the law. We are much harder on our criminals and only judge by proof.. not he said she said bull shit.