i feel really sad reading your question ... My little blighter (we used to call him another word begining with b .. but thats by the by) used to do all that, plus he used to come and sit on your chest and bat your face till you woke up and fed him ( i once woke up and thought i was having a heart attack because my chest felt "heavy" and i couldn't breathe properly - turns out he was just trying, in jest, to squash and suffocate me simultaneously)
Anyway, he was run over and killed on saturday and id do anthing to come and take yours home!
( i used to threaten mine with the rspca, but that didnt really work either, he seemed to think that anything between the plate and mouth was "fair game" to whoever could get there first, often resulting in an open mouthed tussle)