How Far Do You Go To Keep The Peace In The Family

[nailit]

Im now estranged from certain family members after years of giving and getting nothing back (except abuse/accusations of one kind or another). When my father was alive, it was always the case of do anything rather than rock the boat. But ive just come to the conclusion (since he died several years ago) that you don't have to be there for people that really don't give a *f* about you even if they ARE family.

Im now 51 and have had to disengage myself from one of my sisters and her kids. Me and her partner have had numerous punch-ups (and its usually been over HIS violence towards my sister...me been the protective brother) and yet somehow, I end up been the one in the wrong.
Ive now just had to cut off the dead wood and call it a day. This idea of blood is thicker than water is a load of cobblers to me now.

Just trying to make sense of where I'm at, at the mo I suppose.
How do other ABers deal with family?
Thanks.

[ducksie]

It happens, my aunt sat beside her sister, my Mam when she was taking her final breaths, took good stock of her and informed me my Mam's clothes would fit her, there was a suit my aunt had her eye on, after the funeral,she asked me about it, I told her with great glee, even though I was so sad, my Mam was wearing it, six foot under

[nailit]

//May be I'm the intolerant one? Who knows//
Doubt it Eleena, Had this all my life from my family. Only just dawned on me that its NOT me...

[ummmm]

We did the sticker thing in my grandparents house. It really showed that we're not greedy.

I picked a peeler, an ashtray and a picture of my dad and uncle (my paternal side)

No one picked anything of value...just memories.

[Eleena]

Nailit, do you feel a great weight has been lifted from you now, or is it still hurting?

[Eleena]

Sorry just read your earlier reply.

[nailit]

//Nailit, do you feel a great weight has been lifted from you now, or is it still hurting?//
Truth be told it hurts like mad Eleena, in some ways, but a relief in others in that Ive finally realised that I don't have to have anything to do with people (family or otherwise) that couldn't give a fig about me!

[ummmm]

They probably do give a fig about you.

[nailit]

I wish everything was different...but its not. I love my sister and others but the feeling isn't mutual.

[nailit]

ummmm, theres times in life that you have to face up to the facts! Some of my family don't give a **** if I'm alive or dead. (except for stickers on my possessions)

[sherrardk]

Himself doesn't bother with his family (down to the greed of his sister) and was estranged from his father when he died (which he found out about when he tried to re-establish contact with him). I have contact (through FB) with one of my sisters and an aunt. I have no contact with my step-dad (who I called dad) or my other two siblings. I feel it's their loss as they don't know my lovely kids.

[Eleena]

It will for a good while, conditioning maybe, as has already been mentioned. I find as I get older I am way less tolerant of things & find it easy to distance myself from stuff I just don't need in my life, it's really freeing.

[Prudie]

The sticker thing in my case was done in a home that my mother still lived in though, her home. She lasted another 20 years.

[ummmm]

That's cruel. I would consider it all hers, Prudie.

[sherrardk]

On the sticker front, my grandfather had seen how things had gone when my mother knew she was dying (she rang me up to say she was writing me out of her will - she had written my sister out sometime earlier following a falling out, I presume my half-siblings weren't written out). He placed stickers on all of his possessions (I still haven't been able to open my box of things seven years later).