Teen Smow's Girlfriend To Stay!

[Smowball]

I've spoken to a few friends re this already and have varying replies but just curious to your opinions!

Most of you know that he now lives with his dad and has a really good little job he loves, and now a girlfriend! She is two years older than him and I've never met her but have seen photos.
Teen Smow is very sensible indeed- not like most boys his age. It's his 18th birthday next month and he said he was coming home to visit just beforehand which I was really excited about and was thinking of things to do for his birthday. Then he rings me and asks if he could bring new gf. Oh, didn't expect that. But not to worry,it will be ok. Spare rooms newly decorated, new bed etc.....
Then as he's talking the penny drops that he has assumed that they will be sharing a room..... oh I didn't expect that.
Trying to make light of it I said something silly like separate rooms young man! Lol. To which he said "Seriously??". I said but don't you think that will be a tad awkward - I've never even met the girl. He starts on about its not all about sex, they've never even slept together. So I said well why do you want to share a room?(especially as his room is above mine!) he just says he does.
Not wanting an argument I changed the subject and we talked about something else. I've since spoken to a few people about it. Mr Smow says no - he isn't even 18 yet. Others say he's a young man. Yes I know I'm biased as he will always be a baby to me but just it just feels odd. Think I'm also annoyed that he didn't ask , he just assumed, which is unlike him.
Curious to your thoughts, and am sure most will say I'm being silly!

[kvalidir]

I think you certainly risk offending your son and possibly spoiling his visit if you go all draconian about sleeping in the same bed,(I wouldn't stay somewhere that was a stipulation but then my family are all very laid back and wouldn't do that anyway so it maybe feels very wrong and alien to me), however it is your house and if it makes you terribly uncomfortable then you have every right to say no, I'm just slightly at a loss as to what you are uncomfortable about, since you know he has a girlfriend.

[Smowball]

I think it's just such a leap from him never ever bringing a girl home so therefore I've never seen him with a girl, to suddenly bringing one I've never met to stay the night. I know he's a young man and obviously going to have sex .

[237SJ]

If I were you, I would put them in separate rooms and accept that they are probably going to sneak down the corridors to be together which seems like a happy medium

[davegosling]

I obviously don't know you at all, so can only share my own experience of this. My wife and I are, by anybody's definitions, old hippies! Both baby boomers, who were both 19 in 1967. Despite the pill, she fell pregnant and we had a daughter in 1968. Due to immense social pressure even in those swinging 60s, we married and our daughter was born four months later.

You can work out how old she is now but, despite making me a grandad three times over, she'll always be my little girl.

Despite that, she was always allowed to have boyfriends to stay over in her room from the age of 16. We felt that it would totally hypocritical of us to disallow this! We felt we'd brought her up with her head screwed on and had answered her questions ranging from the biological to the metaphysical to the best of our ability. My best piece of advice, I think, was "It doesn't have to be someone you love, but it does have to be someone you trust".

As far as I can reasonably ascertain, the number of boys she brought home was three, and she married the final one.

As you clearly know, he's not a child any more, so don't treat him like one. What if any other of your unmarried couple friends came to stay? You wouldn't make them sleep in separate rooms... :-)

[Cloverjo]

I've been reading this thread and been wondering how to respond. I share your concerns, Smow. At nearly 18 he's still your little boy, and you don't know the girl. She's also a bit older, which makes me question whether they really haven't had sex yet.

If it were my son I'd feel uncomfortable, but would let them sleep in the same room. It's not as if they're 15; someone of my acquaintance allows their daughter to sleep with her bf. No way!

[Smowball]

I know what you mean clover x

[jno]

we always took the view that it was jno jnr's home too, and he had the right to invite friends to stay just as much as we did.

[Smowball]

I am just going to play it by ear when they arrive, think that's fair enough.

[Rango]

Wow there's some prudish, naive and dare i say downright hypocritical views here.

Many here claim their new age and on other threads welcome homosexuality but yet frown on hetrosexual courtship? For gods sakes he's 18, he can drink, work, travel abroad by himself, have a baby and I'm sorry to burst your bubble smow but has more than likely already had sex, the only way he hasn't is if he's one of those really shy guys or if he's tried and she's the one that said no!

I'm not sure how you 100% trust a teen but they often tell white lies to protect their parents and save themselves and parents embarrassment.

Save him the embarrassment of your " 2 separate rooms" idea and either give them a room to share or the best scenario I can think of is book them a b&b or hotel close to you so he can sleep with his girlfriend and also see you.

[woofgang]

he’s 17

[andy-hughes]

Rango - //Many here claim their new age and on other threads welcome homosexuality but yet frown on hetrosexual courtship? //

If you re-read the thread, you will see that no-one is 'frowning on heterosexual courtship at all.

The debate is not about whether or not this couple should have sex, or be in a relationship together, it's about them sharing a room in Smo's house, and whether or not she is comfortable with that, and whether or not she should shelve her feelings on the issue.

The relationship is not the issue - the room-sharing is.

[Smowball]

Yes he's 17. And doesn't drink(his dads put him off for life I think!), doesn't smoke , and is quite shy till you get to know him. I just think on the very first time I ever meet this girl it's a bit much for him to share a room, but I'm certainly not going to cause a row with him. I'll just have a chat with him when he arrives and play it by ear. To look at it another way though, if I was a 20 yr old girl and going to meet my boyfriends parents for the first time and he was still 17 I wouldn't dream of sharing a room with him!

[woofgang]

I take your point Smo and as I said, your house your rules....but 20 now (and 17) is way different that when you were 20...and on a different planet than when I was 20...

[Eve]

Same here Smow. My ex's parents had a separate rooms rule, all the time we were together. I was early 20s and we were living together but had no problem with their rules while in their house. It was never anything personal towards me, they were lovely.

It's not like you are saying never.