Thank you for the answers regarding Atheists

[Blackie630]

All of your answers helped me to see that the two are seperate. However, I have a friend/ partner wholost his mother at 14 .He is an only child and I just recently had to have my cat of 25 years put to sleep. on 6/30. When I arrived home I did not get the support from him that I felt I needed. I told him, but he only got angry, because he said he did not know how to help me. I just assumed it was becaus he was an Atheist. He ststed that as far as his mother is concerned she is just gone...period. How do I reach him?

[joko]

if he is your partner and lost his mum at 14 i am assuming a good many years has past since - so why are you trying to force him to open it all up again? He has dealt with once already so just let it go - he will speak about it if he wants to.

[Blackie630]

Joko, It is not that I want to hurt him, it is the belief that I have that he has never delt with it, but who am I to say, I came into his life when he was 24, 10 years after her death. He was quiet, to himself, and would have otburst of anger with co-workers who repeatedly ask questions regarding help with work. He and I became close friends almost from the beginning. There was a spark between us, but we never indulged it, because I was married. We have been together since my divorce. We are not yet married, but living as though we are. We plan to, when the time feels right. I will take your advice and assume that he has delt with her death. Thank you. I often do not get the emotional support that I need, and I just wonder if he never learned it.. I am in therapy, and have not been since my cat of 25 years died. Maybe she can give me some support there.

[joko]

i know you are not trying to hurt him, and it is possible he has just buried his feelings, but you risk anger and resentment if you try to force him to relive what have been a terrible time - for anyone let alone a child.

i suspect he may be finding it hard to be sympathetic about your cat because, as you say he doesn't know how, but also because...well... its a cat... and perhaps he thinks that compared to the loss of his mother it is unimportant.
i know cats can be as much loved as any family member, but equally to many people they are just a furball that lives in the same house, and don't warrant the same feelings

you could encourage him to express emotion but don't push it - it will happen when the time is right.

why not suggest counselling to him - i know you have good intentions but youare not a psychiatrist and may ust make things worse - you are also possibly too close to him emotionally.
sometimes you can only really be honest with a stranger

[Blackie630]

joko, What detail... I can tell you are well versed in helping others. I believe that people open up to strangers easier than a partner. I do not want to lose what we have, nor do I want to torment him by bringing a painful past.

I will take you advise, about suggesting therapy for him if it seems appropriate, and I will see my therapist soon. You have been a great help to me. Thank you again for all your suggestions, and clarifications. It has been most meaningful, and has given me more understanding and sympathy for his loss.