How Do You Knock A Bit Of Sense Into Someone?

[nailit]

Don't know whether be angry or relieved....or both.
My son went out with his mate last night (apparently going to visit another friend). My sons mate was quiet inebriated and I suspect my lad had had a joint or two. When I woke this morning it was apparent that my son had not been back home since, nothing unusual there, he often sleeps over at his mates. However this afternoon his mates brother came knocking, asking if Id seen either of them today, and then told me that they'd been in a car collision last night. Eventually managed to get through on the phone to my son who told me that he had been in a car with his (drunk) mate. A car that has no tax/insurance and his mate doesn't have a driving licence. Theyd hit a parked car and drove off and my lad decided that he wasn't going to hang around and got out of the car and went to stay at another mates for the night. His mate who was driving later got arrested for drink driving.

I knew that his mate had a car that wasn't legal and didn't have a driving license and warned my son on numerous occasions NOT to get in with him. What on Earth possessed him to get in a car with a drunk driving it I have no idea.
Short of hitting him on the head with a hammer, I have absolutely no idea of how to knock a bit of sense into him. Angry that he continues to be a tool but relieved that hes alive.
(and relieved that no-one was killed last night)

[nailit]

Thanks andy, I often tell him that I love him (yeah yeah, I can perhaps be seen as a 'modern' man...I hug him as well as tell him that I love him) and tell him that thing will work out etc. But just cant see the sense in getting in a car that is been driven by someone who can hardly walk, never mind drive.

[jno]

nailit, we could all have been better parents. I've got a good list of stuff I got wrong. Don't fret about it. He's old enough to take responsibility for his own actions. Unfortunately parents are never old enough to stop feeling pain.

[pixie374]

What does he think about it now, nailit? I don't think you can do much more than carry on exactly as you are. My daughter was a nightmare for a couple of years as a teenager... and it is frustrating because you know they should know better. Can he or does he go to college or anything that gives him some responsibility?

[mikey4444]

Nailit....you do seem to have severe problems with that lad of yours and you of all people, really don't need any more problems, that's for sure.

From what you have said in the past, your son doesn't work and he hasn't signed-on, so one wonders where he gets the money from to sustain his dodgy life style ?

[EDDIE51]

Really sorry to hear the news nalit. As others have said i don't see there is much we can do apart from sympathising.
I hope the police do not get your sons name and drag him into this.
I give this link as a warning , it May just May be possible that your son could be charged with aiding and abetting drink driving , if he knew the driver was drunk and still got into the car
http://drinkdrivingsolicitor.blogspot.co.uk/2016/08/can-you-aid-and-abet-drink-driving.html
I really hope it does not happen but I just think you should be warned that it may be a possibility.

[nailit]

jno, agreed and I could certainly have done stuff different.
Pix, hes now made an unemployment claim at least. When I spoke to him earlier he just seems to shrug it off as one of those things.
Mikey, it seems that his mates have got a bit of money from somewhere, my problems are my own, his probs are his.

[nailit]

Thanks EDDIE, From what I can gather, his m8 has taken full responsibility for the drink driving and not named anyone else in the car at the time. His m8 was caught AFTER my lad did one from the car. Tho if it turns out that the police wanted my son I would have no hesitation in dropping him in it.

[ummmm]

Jeez, Mikey, smoking a few joints and making a bad decision is hardly a dodgy lifestyle.

[nailit]

They could have killed someone in that car. And while I love my son more than life, I couldn't have the death of someone elses child/father on my conscience knowing that my lad was involved.

[nailit]

ummm, I know what Mikey means tho...
Dodgy or unproductive...roughly equal to the same thing

[ummmm]

I don't blame you but the way Mikey talks you'd think it was a weekly occurrence.

[nailit]

It more or less is ummmm :-(
But the other side of the coin is (as you've mentioned b4) is that he can be very protective of me as well. Its a strange one.

[mikey4444]

Ummm...nailit has been on here many times before, telling us of his ongoing problems with his son.

I don't share your attitude to crime I'm afraid....they could easily have killed someone in that accident.

[anneasquith]

Or killed themselves :-(

[nailit]

And Mikey, THAT would have been my great worry. AND I would have dobbed my son in it if that had happened. My concern is that my lad was in a car with someone who was trollied, it could have been him that was killed.

[nailit]

Cross posted Anne,,,exactly!

[pastafreak]

I think Nailit knows only too well what *could* have happened. He also knows...as many of us do before him...that you support your kids no matter what. They need to know that. With that support and instilling the right values, kids will invariably turn out to be fine adults.
And Nailit's sons lifestyle is no more dodgy than many in his age group. At least he has a dad who loves him...many don't.

[pixie374]

I agree, pasta. And also to remind them of the positive things about them, what you admire about them, so they can focus more on that and realise they have a lot going for them.