Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel.
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist,
Socrates, himself, was permanently ***.
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away,
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a *** for the bottle,
And Hobbes was fond of his dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart,
"I drink, therefore I am."
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker, but a *** when he's ***.
Composer and author: Eric Idle