I Lend

[marval]

I lend people money if they agree to be my friend. I’m a bit of a loaner.

Where do South African rugby players keep their Slinkys? The Spring Box.

What did the octagenarian pirate say on his birthday? Aye Matey

I got sacked from my job at the clock factory. I just stood around making faces all day.

This time last year I weighed nine stones, I don’t know why I just wanted to weigh them.

I’ve just run over a hoodie with my combine harvester. There’s no way I’m going to be able to seperate the wheat from the chav.

A lady at the supermarket asked me if I’ve ever drunk orange juice with pulp. I said, “No, but I once had coffee with The Bluetones.”

[Voltage]

I got sacked from my job at the diary factory!
i was ill and took a day off!

[Patsy33]

Sounds like they could be Tim Vines...
So funny! Thanks Marval.

[Jackdaw33]

I like the chav one.